Category: future plans

Walk in Silence: resurrecting the book again?

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Okay, so this long-simmering, often-backburnered project surfaced completely by chance and maybe because I was, er, cheating on my daily 750 Words.

A few days ago I found I’d run out of time to get my daily words done so as a fix and not miss a day, I figured a quick and easy cheat would be to copy and paste some older blog posts and add some commentary at the end of it. Cue the 2016 entries from my music blog as yet another attempt at a music-themed memoir.

I really liked this version, as I wasn’t really trying to prove anything with it. I wasn’t trying to shoehorn music history into it this time out, because this story was about me and not the college rock scene of the time. It was about my reaction to it, as well as what led up to it. And now that I’m reading it again for the first time many years later, I realize that perhaps this version has a lot more merit than the previous versions…?

The only reason I hadn’t focused on it then was because I was doing some heavy revision in preparation for the Bridgetown Trilogy. I knew that I’d get back to it eventually…I just didn’t expect eight years and several new novels to pass in the interim!

So. Do I pick this one up and run with it? Well, I’ll have to see how much work it actually needs. If it only needs expansion and minor revision, then I’m sure I could see it as a release for 2025. I can’t say for sure, because, well, Best Laid Plans and all that…but you never know.

Going deep again…?

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Whenever I think about the Bridgetown Trilogy and the Mendaihu Universe, I almost always wonder if I’ll ever get around to writing something with that level of worldbuilding. Theadia certainly comes close, but that project’s a different beast altogether. While it certainly has an ensemble cast and multiple worlds, it doesn’t have its own conlang or its own highly detailed mythos. It’s a big story, but it’s not a part of a bigger universe like the MU is.

The MU is still alive and kicking somewhere in the back of my thoughts, and I still want to write more stories in that universe, but I’ve come to the realization that if I’m going to do it right, I’m going to have to go in deep once more. And I’m perfectly willing to do that once I allow myself to take that dive again. [And I will not complain one bit if that includes the music side of things, mixtapes and all. That was one of the best parts of the project!]

As you may remember, I deliberately chose to bounce away from that kind of thing because, up to 2015, that’s pretty much all I knew in terms of novel writing projects. Everything had to be a full-immersion, years-long intensity, and I needed not to do that for a while. I needed to know how to write something standalone and concise. Partly to prove to myself that I could do it, and partly because I knew that not all of my newer story ideas would translate well into that long of a format.

I knew I’d come back to the longer form sooner or later. I’ve often said it’s a format I truly enjoy writing. But in the several attempts in writing the temporarily-titled-MU4 novel, each time felt like I wasn’t doing it justice. The deep immersion wasn’t there, only a reflection of the past style. I wasn’t allowing myself that level of focus and, let’s face it, obsession. So it kept getting pushed to the back burner.

This will all eventually change, I hope. I’m not sure when, and I’m not sure how. Perhaps it’ll be a change in my writing schedule, better and more creative use of my break times at work, or perhaps it’ll be something else altogether. Who knows? I may even start a new extended universe instead…?

A creativity rethink

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No, I don’t plan on giving up this writing gig anytime soon. I’m seven books in, one I’m currently working on and a few future ideas on the back burner, and I have no plans on letting them fall by the wayside.

I’ve been thinking — again — about other creative outlets lately. More to the point, how I haven’t allowed myself to give them any proper focus and practice to be anything other than passing hobbies. I’ve often said my other two creative outlets would be art and music, but I’ve spent so long working on writing novels that I rarely ever have time for either of them.

Why is that? Well, part of it has been just not allowing myself the time. Balancing the novel writing and the Day Job (and spending some time IRL with A.) often leaves me with very little time to do anything else. I still have a habit of carrying a notebook with me at all times so I could easily spend a few moments doodling. I have enough time outside of the Day Job that I can pick up my guitar and noodle for a bit. And I’m better at both than I used to be just ten years ago.

What’s stopping me? I think it’s that my creative brain gets stuck on the ‘well, you’re not bad, but there’s at least 9,000 more hours of practice and experience before you’ll be good‘ and I put it aside for a later time. And that later time keeps getting pushed further into the future.

I think I’m perhaps also a little daunted by seeing so many musicians and artists relying on computer software nowadays, and simply I don’t have the money to spend or the PC memory to eat up (or the desk space, for that matter) for it right now. And then I start thinking that maybe my art and music should remain a hobby.

But if I’m going to take either of them more seriously, I realize what I should do is take the same route I did with my writing: Do It Yourself.

I mean, my inspiration for having a DIY writing career is based on music, so I’ve got the knowledge to go that route anytime I want, right? Why should I worry about trying to learn the technology when I have the Beatle-based inspiration of pushing a button, saying ‘oh hey this sounds neat’ and running with it? I’m not a synthpop based performer that needs all the doowackies; Drunken Owl is more something you’d hear on Slumberland Records than a hipster indie label, and would be right at home on Bandcamp.

As for art? Who knows what would come of that. A webcomic? Storyboarding? Something else? And as for photography, I really just need to give myself the time to properly edit the pictures and make them saleable on stock footage sites like Shutterstock.

The net is vast and infinite, as Major Kusanagi says. I just have to make the time to explore it.

here we go again

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So the other day while I was at work, I’d started playing around with ideas for Theadia, and I started thinking: well, as much as I love it, I still feel I’ve left a lot out. Too many moments where important things happen but only seen from one person’s oblique points of view. Conflict with muted payoff. Too many actions that lack the backstory other than “…then this happens but no one yet knows why” that deserve a much deeper examination. In other words, it’s great, but it certainly could be a whole lot better. And I want to put in that extra work to make it the best.

In other words, this is exactly what I’d done when I’d rewritten The Phoenix Effect as the Bridgetown Trilogy. It went from something that was good and I’d turned it into something great that I’m proud of.

In other words, Theadia may end up another large-scale, extended-cast trilogy if I play my cards right.

Sure, I still need to finish off Queen Ophelia’s War first — I think I’m about two thirds of the way there, so I’m on schedule for that one — but I’m already starting to do the pre-writing paperwork for Theadia now. Extended storylines and subplots for certain characters. I may not know how to successfully write a space opera, let alone write characters that serve part of a military role, but I already know that this one isn’t going to be a dense war-in-space story, and nor is it going to be a uber-savvy tech-nerd story either. It’s its own thing in its own reality, just like the Mendaihu Universe. And I think I’ve gotten pretty good at creating that kind of thing. And those are the things I love writing.

Will this end in tears? Who knows. But I’m willing to put in the work.

Breaking out of the comfort zone

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(image courtesy of Bocchi the Rock)

I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to push myself out of that comfort zone I’d been in for years. Why was I even there in the first place? Was it about trust? Self-trust? Embarrassment? Worry? One or many of these things? Well. Most of it’s all gone now, at any rate. All I had to do was free myself from the self-imposed chains.

I think the last time I felt this way was when I’d started The Phoenix Effect back in 1997. A new part of my life had started and the road was relatively clear. It was a choice to say yeah, let’s get this writing career started. I can do this, and stick to it. But let’s face it, I hadn’t really adjusted all that much since then. Sure, I had the confidence to self-publish and all that backstage nonsense that goes along with it. But there had to be more. I knew I was holding back.

This is where I feel I’m at now. Pushing myself out of a comfort zone once again, not quite sure where it’ll take me…but trusting myself enough to know what I’m doing. Time to take more chances and look past the boundaries. Knowing I have people who’ll have my back. And knowing how to move forward with minimal blind flailing.

A lot of this will be new to me, but I’m ready for it. And I’m willing to learn.

End of year review – future inspiration

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[Image courtesy of Saekano]

If there’s one thing that always worries me about writer’s block, it’s that I’m terrified that I’ll lose interest and nothing will inspire me to write. Outside inspiration has often been a big driver for me: coming up with In My Blue World while listening to ELO, Meet the Lidwells! from reading a ton of music biographies, and so on. But sometimes I’ll go through a spell of nothing quite resonating with me, and I always find that worrying. It’s like I want to write, but I don’t know what to write about.

I mean, it’s not as if something has to completely inspire me, far from it. But the issue, I think, is that it would often tie in with my state of mind at that moment. I’ve had low points in my life where I just stopped writing for months at a time. I’ve had busy points in my life where I just didn’t have the time. I’ve had rebounds where I was ready to write again yet had to relearn how to do it to my own satisfaction.

In writing Diwa & Kaffi, however, I realized that waiting for inspiration to strike might be good if you’re surrounded by that well, but sometimes you just have to push through and find it for yourself. Allow yourself to latch onto something unexpected. Stretch out and get out of your comfort zone a bit and see what resonates. I never thought I’d write a space opera but here we are with a nearly-complete story entitled Theadia. I never thought I’d write a romcom but that seems to be on the docket for 2024.

And that’s what I’m planning to do in the new year: go some place I haven’t been before, just to see what happens.

Year End Review – Where I’m Going

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So. Do I have anything big planned for 2024? Good question.

If you’re talking about writing, sure. I’m hoping to get Queen Ophelia’s War finished and ready for mid-year release, as I’ve mentioned previously. And maybe Theadia as well a little bit later, if I get it prepared in time.

But what about personal things?

I’d mentioned very briefly here that one of my new resolutions is to Slow the F*** Down. Part of this is related to the Day Job, in which I’d fallen into the same damn habit I’d always had with most of my day jobs over the years: always trying to finish everything as quickly as possible. And in this case, considering that I’m back in retail, it meant being a fast checker, helping out as many people as possible, and always stressing out when the lines were long. I fell into the trap of thinking I’d better do it because no one else will, and I’d end up just making more work for myself in the process. I’d finally admitted that maybe I don’t need to be like that, considering nearly everyone else I work with goes at their own (often much slower) speed. Doing this all the time only led to exhaustion and certain managers wondering why I would seem overwhelmed.

I’ve since chosen to Slow the F*** Down at the Day Job, and I’m feeling a lot happier about it. I’ve adjusted responsibilities somewhat and admitted there are times when I should ask for help. I’ve found that there are situations that are Not My Problem. And I’ve admitted there are times when I’m just making more work for myself, whether by overthinking it or giving myself overly high expectations. In the process, I’ve learned to shift certain responsibilities to others when needed, and understanding that, unlike the Former Day Job, there isn’t an OMFGNOW deadline.

I suppose there’s more to it than just the Day Job and the Writing Career going on here, but I don’t have the words for it just yet as I’m still trying to get it straight in my own head. There is indeed a bit of final rewiring of thoughts and emotions going on lately, and that in itself has been a long-game process over the last couple of years that I think is finally coming to a close. A lot of it is about self-confidence and self-trust, but it’s also about reining in those overly high expectations that I’d just mentioned.

So if anything, I think 2024 is going to be about Where I’m Going and Where I’ll Be.

Checking in: end of year plans

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Oh hey I still have this blog, don’t I? Yes I do!

Hi all, just checking in to let you know that I’m still here, still doing a lot of revision work on Queen Ophelia’s War, and it’s coming along quite nicely. I have a long way to go, but I’m going in the right direction and that’s what really matters. And while I haven’t been blogging, I’ve been thinking about what I’ll be doing here and at Walk in Silence in the coming weeks as 2023 winds down.

Right now my plan is to return here in December to start my end-of-year thoughts and reviews. Whether that will be at my regular twice a week schedule or just once a week depends on a few things.

Firstly, it depends on how busy I am at the Day Job — it is holiday season and I am in retail, after all — and one of my new resolutions is to Slow the F*** Down. [More on that in a future post.] I survived last year’s Q4 quite handily and my commute is still eight blocks long, so I should be able to do two a week. I’m purposely not holding myself to it however, because I don’t really need to force myself now, do I? One a week is a comfortable and doable goal.

Secondly, it depends on how busy I am with work on Queen Ophelia’s War. I’m still planning on this one being my next e-book release to get back on my one-book-a-year release schedule. While I don’t have a set deadline for it at this time, I don’t want to be spending forever on it, either. I still have work on Theadia and a few other open projects as well that are waiting in the wings.

That said, I’ll try to aim for December 1st as my return for this blog. See you then! And thanks for stopping by!

Dialing it back

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I’ve said before that writing Diwa & Kaffi did a number on me mentally and emotionally, but not because it was a hard book to write. On the contrary, it was an immensely pleasurable book to write, even despite the occasional pitfalls and issues I had with it over the couple of years I worked on it. So what happened?

What happened was that I wrote a book where I dialed it back.

My writing, even my juvenilia, has always had that element of emotions at full volume, much like my life for years. It wasn’t real or important unless I was feeling it fully, intensely and completely. It’s just the way my brain had been wired all this time. You can definitely see it in the Bridgetown Trilogy, and even in Meet the Lidwells! and In My Blue World, though in a more muted way.

It was while I was working on Diwa & Kaffi that I realized that not only do I not have to write in that style, I most definitely do not have to live my life that way, either. And that’s what I did during the pandemic while I was unemployed: I dialed it back. It took a long time and I had to do it in increments, but the more I did it, the more I knew this was the right thing to do. The healthier thing to do, physically and emotionally.

In doing this, I allowed myself to make life choices without the overwhelming feeling of yes, but is this what you really want to do? doubt hanging over my head at every moment. I learned that was the main culprit: self-doubt. Not exactly crippling, but definitely strong enough to make me constantly second-guess myself when it came to life decisions. I’d always trusted myself once I took the plunge in whatever decision I made, but it was that initial yes, but what if that was so fucking hard to get past. And to compensate for that, I’d prove I was right by resonating with the decision: fully, intensely and completely.

I started seeing that this was not only unhealthy, but this most definitely was not how most people dealt with this sort of thing. I was constantly jealous of others who could make life-altering decisions with just a ‘yeah, this is what I want’ without dwelling on the decision for years on end and hyper-focusing on the possible outcomes. Why couldn’t I be that way?

Turns out I can. All I had to do was dial it back.

That was part of the reason I wrote Diwa & Kaffi in the first place: I wanted to see if I could write something calm and low-stakes yet still about life-changing decisions. A story that I felt just as strongly about as my other works, but without that unhealthy intensity. That novel was me proving to myself that I didn’t have to live my life dialed up to eleven every waking moment. It was about trusting myself, even if I didn’t know the outcome. And once I finished it, I knew I’d made the right decision.

It scared the shit out of me, finally knowing that I could change, that I could be this person I needed to be with a much calmer demeanor. But the best part? That self-doubt was nowhere to be seen. Sure, sometimes the are you sure? voice is still there, but it’s not crippling. It’s merely reminding me to be smart about my choices, that’s all. I trust myself a hell of a lot more now. Sometimes life just…is. It doesn’t always have to be a Fully and Completely moment every time. And that’s just fine.

I’m sure MU4 will still be intense, as that’s what that universe is all about. And I think my stories going forward will have a somewhat more realistic take on high-stakes issues and intensity, rather than writing another dialed-to-eleven manuscript. Will it change my style any? Who knows. If it does, it does. And that’s just fine too.

In My Blue World…the sequel?

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Out of all my books, In My Blue World seems to be my most popular ebook by a mile on Smashwords. Which, yay! Thank you so much! I’m thrilled that y’all love it as much as I do! I did my best to create a story where it wasn’t just about Conquering the Villain or Trying to Escape a Terrible Fate. This was about three strong-willed sisters who faced their fears head-on rather than run away, and about two women who never give up on what they truly believe in.

[And yes, I do of course have moments of I wish I’d written that scene differently or I could have done this bit so much better whenever I reread it, but I also know that every writer has that feeling.]

A couple years back I actually did have a loose outline plan for a sequel to the book. It was, amusingly enough, inspired not by ELO but a video by K/DA, the animated foursome connected to the League of Legends game. After all, I’d set up the ending of In My Blue World to be open-ended and ready for any number of sequels or related stories. There’s definitely room for expanding this particular created world in all sorts of directions.

So…am I going to be doing this again, writing multiple books at the same time? Or will one of them fall by the wayside again while I work on the latest shiny thing? Or will I figure out a way to make it all work despite the odds? It’s a bit early to tell right now to make any decisions. But I do have a pretty good idea of what I’d like to do with it, and hopefully I can find the time and energy to work on it!