Reflections and Parallels

What you see above is the very first page of my current reading obsession, Saka Mikami’s The Fragrant Flower Blooms with Dignity. It’s about two teenagers: the kind-hearted yet often misunderstood Rintaro Tsumugi (above) who goes to a bottom-rung high school, and the petite yet brilliant Kaoruko Waguri, who goes to the posh girls’ school next door. Despite the animosity between the two schools, these two meet and fall in love. It’s not a Romeo & Juliet story, either: this is a heart-lifting story about discovering what lifts one’s heart and working to make it happen with no regrets.

What I notice, however, is the reflection we see superimposed over Rintaro’s face in the second frame. He’s looking through the classroom window at the closed curtains of Kikyo Academy from his own perch at Chidori High, curious about what goes on behind them, as they’ve been closed for almost a decade and for not entirely clear purposes other than there’s been bad blood between the two. It’s an impenetrable wall where he’s not invited nor welcomed, thus the look of frustration and discomfort on his face.

And yet…there’s more to this one page, and this is exactly what I love about this manga. It’s not just a literal setup of what’s to come in the story; there are actually so many more layers to this.

We learn in the next few chapters that Rintaro’s childhood was not all that enjoyable. He was often shunned by his peers, whether it was because of his absurd height or his low grades or his inability to completely fit in and conform, leaving him with nearly no friends. Because of this, he’s chosen to go the exact opposite route, dye his hair blonde, and be a loner. Thus: that impenetrable wall we see in the reflection is not just a literal closure between the two schools, but one he’s put up between himself and the outside world. It sets up one of the most important main arcs of the story: whether he (and Kaoruko) are able to break down both the literal and the metaphorical wall of division. Despite this, he still has a heart of gold: he might feel alone but he never once mistreats anyone, whoever it may be.

There’s also the “so bright…” line. That’s not just a tossed-off line about the sunshine, either. Brightness will also become a recurring theme throughout the series, both literally and figuratively, when nearly every character reaches some kind of eye-opening revelation, discovers a moment of inner peace, or their heart is lifted to a level they’ve never experienced before. The word “dazzling” is used many times in these moments, and those scenes usually contain an element of lens-flare or a lightness of line art as well. This also sets up another extremely important recurring theme of the series: finding a moment — or a person — so dazzling that one can’t help but be lifted emotionally themselves and utterly changed by the experience.

And lastly, the reflection and the parallel: what happens to one person will most likely happen to another later on in the story. And not just the same person, either. For example, we learn that Rintaro’s youth is not that far off from Kaoruko’s best friend Subaru Hoshina, who was taunted mercilessly when she was very young for having silver hair, causing a deep mistrust of boys. These kinds of threads are woven throughout the story in a way that silently reminds you: despite differences, we are all similar in one way or another. Even though the two schools are initially seen as complete opposites of each other with that seemingly impenetrable wall in between, we learn that Kikyo and Chidori really aren’t all that different once you really get to know them. [Even two of the secondary characters, Shohei Usami (Rintaro’s rambunctious buddy) and Madoka Yuzuhara (Kaoruko’s nerdy friend), both initially used as comic relief, are often the voice of reason and emotional stability in their own way, and both state clearly that they really do not hold anything against the other’s school, merely stating that they leave them alone to keep the peace.]

This is one of my favorite tools writers use: the reflection and the parallel. I’ve used it many times over the years and it’s super fun to write. It adds another level to the storytelling that’s not seen immediately, and sometimes you don’t even notice it at all. It’s often during a reread that it becomes apparent, and Fragrant Flower does this frequently and extremely well. Sometimes it’s obvious: whenever a character has a moment of surprised emotional clarity, there’s a single shot of the lower half of their face, their mouth ever so slightly agape. Sometimes it’s personal, such as Rintaro’s wince (which shows up whenever he feels uncomfortable in a situation yet instinctively knows it means something important), or Kaoruko’s soft heartfelt smile whenever she’s caught in a moment of complete emotional comfort or stability. There are meanings behind these moments that otherwise might be easily tossed off.

I suppose this is partly why I’ve been following this series obsessively over the last few months, because in a way I’ve been trying to figure out how Mikami-san lets the story unfold in such a creative way so I can possibly use it in my own writing in the future. I learn something new every time I reread it.

[The Fragrant Flower Blooms with Dignity can be found on the K Manga app, and currently has twelve tankobon volumes available in the US. The first several chapters have been made into a thirteen-episode anime series available on Netflix.]

Slow going

I admit I am a bit frustrated that it’s taking me forever to finish Theadia. My writing sessions lately have been sluggish and not all that productive, getting only maybe a few hundred words at most, and often quite less. Right now I’m stuck on a scene that’s taking me forever to get through, mainly because I have only the vaguest of ideas of what I want to do with it. [There’s also the fact that I’ve been dealing with spring allergies lately, which have been leaving me with less energy than I usually have.]

As always, the only thing I can do right now is power through.

Meanwhile, what else is happening on the creative front? Well, not all that much at the moment, sadly. I’ve been kind of delaying that more than I really should. Perhaps it’s a mix of not wanting to force myself into anything else at the moment and the fact that I’m still getting used to my recent job transfer. Not that it’s harder or more stressful, quite the opposite; it’s actually that it’s taking time for me to get used to not stress-working through multiple responsibilities (each with constantly shifting priority levels). This change in stress levels means that my body is responding in kind, suddenly realizing wait, you mean I can finally relax? SWEET! I’m sure it’ll balance out eventually and I’ll be back to normal soon.

I remember this happening when I left the Former Day Job six years ago. I had no idea how flipping exhausted I was then, and it took quite a few months for everything to go back to normal. I don’t expect it to take nearly as long this time of course, but I’m still a bit impatient about it.

Like I said, powering through.

Unplugging

So here I am listening to the new album by London dreampop/shoegaze band deary, and it got me thinking about how waaaaaaaay back in the day, I used to listen to Cocteau Twins to allow myself a bit of a dive into another world. This kind of musical genre, with its heavy wall of reverb guitars, slow dreamlike melodies and otherworldly vocals, always brings up the same sort of imagery in my head: the sound of walking deep in the woods, far away from any other sign of civilization. Sometimes it’s dark, sometimes it’s overcast. There’s always that hint of desolation, but not necessarily in a bad way; it’s more like finding a personal moment of Zen peace.

At least that’s what used to happen back then, well before I plugged myself into the internet in the late 90s. Since then I’ve been pretending that I keep the internets and my offline brain separate, but we all know that hasn’t been happening for ages now. My brain just loves that dopamine hit, especially when it’s getting drunk on constant music listening, socializing and constant movement of thought with nary a moment’s peace. Where does the real end and the cybernetics begin at this point?

Anyway, this is not so much about unplugging as it is another chapter in me Getting Older and finally deciding to detach myself from the multiple races my head is trying to keep running. Don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t all terrible, you know. I’ve met all kinds of neat people over all those years, some brief acquaintances and some long-lasting friendships. Learned a lot of really cool things, discovered all kinds of awesome music, been inspired to write stories.

But somewhere along the line my brain rewired itself when I wasn’t paying attention and I was too lax about backing away when it became too much. Instead I did what I often did during those same teen years when I listened to that same dreamlike music: I spiraled instead. I dove in to see just how far and how long I could keep taking it all in. And I had one hell of a voracious mental appetite.

So here I am, older and (hopefully) wiser, finally deciding it’s time to unplug from all that nonsense. It’s been an interesting run, but it was full of mental and emotional exhaustion. I’m not completely disconnecting from the world, of course. Just no longer spending every waking moment at top volume. I’ve distanced myself from a lot of things over the last couple of years already, so this is nothing new. It’s just deciding to go a bit further and relocating that mental and emotional Zen peace, and making that the new norm.

Here we go

Latest revision of Theadia complete? Check.
All needed changes and updates complete? Check.
Continuity and timeline issues fixed? Check.

Now to finish the damn thing already. And I’m nervous as hell. I kinda sorta know how to finish the novel? Maybe?

This feels very similar to sixteen years ago when I finished The Balance of Light after a nearly four year hiatus. It’s not a block so much as there are a lot of moving parts that I need to weave together in a coherent and believable fashion, and I’m a bit nervous about nailing the landing. After all, I’ve never written a story like this before so this is all kind of new and I want to do it right the first time.

I’ll be honest, though — I’m not the least bit worried about hitting any deadlines, because it’ll get done when it gets done. By the time I’m nearing the finish line with my stories, my pace is even and deliberate. I trust my instincts to know when and how to write the final sentence. [And as an aside, to answer the question of how do I know when I’m finished?: I tend to go with an open-ended denouement scene as those are my favorites. This story ends here, but there’s always another new and different one just around the corner. It provides a needed finality for the character and the story (and the reader), but with a reminder that life now and in the future remains in constant motion.]

If I had to guess, I’d say there’s at least five to ten more chapters left. We’re pretty much at the climax of the storyline, I just need to crest that wave and ride it to completion. And since I’ve never written what is essentially a space opera (at least my version of one) before, there’s certainly a lot of unique worldbuilding I have to keep in mind while gathering all the story threads together. It’s deliberately messy and chaotic, but it also has its own deliberate logic that runs throughout the novel. It’s a war story as seen from the standpoint of civilians instead of soldiers (although soldiers — or in this case, pilots — have a major role). It’s more about the war that takes place between citizens and those in charge than it is about the enemy rushing the front lines.

How will this play out in the next couple of months? Who knows? But I certainly hope I’ll be able to pull it off!

Remain calm

I’ve been posting here only once a week these days, for varying reasons. The main one is that I’ve been acclimating to the new shop I transferred to (new location, new bosses, new coworkers, new responsibilities, more hours, the really early start on my bookkeeping days), but at this point I think I’m comfortable enough not to worry much about that now.

As it stands, I feel like I’m finally acting my age. I mean, considering that I’m in my mid-fifties now, I see no need to be racing hither and yon every waking moment. [This transfer is indirectly involved in that, in which I no longer feel I need to be on top of everything out of necessity; I have a team that picks up what I can’t and I don’t need to twist anyone’s arm to make that happen.] I can slow down a bit and go at a leisurely pace. I don’t have to be so damned active every waking moment if I don’t want to. And it’s been so much healthier that way.

I think I finally get the real meaning behind John Lennon’s “No longer riding on the merry-go-round, I just had to let it go” lyric.

Not that I’m resigning myself to sitting around doing nothing, far from it. Just going at my own pace. I’m still looking forward to my other creative outlets once Theadia is done. Will I share it here on the blog? Most likely, yes, in part or at least with some decent amount of watermarking involved to avoid those pesky stealing LLMs. [Not that I expect my output to be works of brilliance, but you can’t be too paranoid about robotkind, heh.]

But yeah, life is better these days now that I’ve chosen to go at my own pace.

Currently reading…

I’ll admit that I have become obsessed with reading comics on the K Manga app on my e-reader. It’s run by Kodansha, one of the big manga publishers these days, and I’ve picked up on a handful of series that I’m really enjoying. It’s where I discovered the wonderfully written teen romance The Fragrant Flower Blooms with Dignity, whose main characters Rintaro and Kaoruko have been showing up as pictures and gifs here over the last few months. [I’ve been enjoying that series so much I’ve been tempted to do a mini-series here about it.] Every night when I get into bed, I’ll turn on the app and catch up on a few titles.

The other night, I was thinking: y’know, I have this physical pile of books next to my bed that haven’t been picked up lately, I should probably do something about that as well instead of reading comics every night. But maybe this is part and parcel of my wanting to change up my creative outlets? Over the past several years I’d become super-picky about the novels I was picking up, and even then some of them haven’t been resonating with me as much as they used to. It’s not that they’re bad or that the latest trends aren’t speaking to me, it’s merely that I’m not feeling the spark of excitement like I used to. I’m not as voracious a reader as I was, at least not right now anyway.

So why not see this burst of interest in comics as a plus and not a minus? After all, that’s how I started reading more in the late 90s, isn’t it? During the HMV years when I suddenly decided that I would take those Wednesday drives to the comic book store every week, that sparked off a new love of reading that I hadn’t really had before. What started as a focus on just a few titles bloomed into several, which then expanded into different styles, different genres. And those, in turn, inspired my writing style and ideas.

And somewhere along the lines, I suddenly found myself interested in reading books again. It all felt fresh once more.

So perhaps it’s fine that I embrace this medium again for the time being. Reading comics like Fragrant Flower have reminded me that both inspiration and influence lie in interesting places, and it’s up to me to search for them when I need them. Perhaps now it’s time for me to learn not just the art of visual storytelling, but to learn how to see and understand things in new ways.

Good weather

It’s been surprisingly warm and clear here in the Bay Area the last few weeks, so we’ve been taking advantage of that by ensuring that we get out for some walking when we can. I mean, given that we now live a block from Golden Gate Park, there’s really no excuse for us not to take a stroll along its greenery unless we’ve had an utterly exhausting work day.

To be honest, I’ve been thinking a lot about getting outside a lot more these days. It’s part of what I’ve posted about earlier — taking a little time off from writing to focus more on other creative outlets — and what better way to take an alternate look at things than to look at my surroundings? Take a few more pictures, appreciate the art and sound of nature, that sort of thing.

Rethink how I think, in other words.

Waking up early this week

I don’t remember the last time I had to wake up before 4am, to be honest. Maybe that one time we were heading out of SFO on a 6am flight or something? I can do it if I have to, but no guarantees that I’ll be fully awake and coherent. Just letting you know ahead of time.

So why am I waking up at stupid:early AM this week? It’s because it’s my first week at the shop I’ve been transferred to, and right off the bat they’re going to train me on the newfangled bookkeeping software and hardware, and I have to be there at 4am. It’s a good thing I only live ten minutes away! And the other good thing is that after an eight-hour shift, this means I’m out by 12:30pm and have the rest of the day to do whatever. And you know how much I love days like that.

So this also means that I may not have the brainspace to get any blogging done this week, but we shall see.

Getting there

I’ve still got a long way to go before Theadia is finished and let out into the wild, and right now the last thing on my mind is a deadline. I mean, I’d like to see it out at some point this year, but I’m not going to push it if it ain’t gonna move any faster. I’ve always pictured the writing process of this project as similar to the Bridgetown Trilogy, in that I’d keep up with it but I would never actually rush it at any point. It would get done when it got done.

There’s also the fact that I’m also purposely seeing this as…well, not a final project, but a last one before I put my writing aside for a little while. Which is kind of ironic, considering that I’d conceived it at one of the most stressful times of my life when I’d come to a crossroads and had no idea where I was going next, both personally and creatively. It began in desperation and ends in peace. In a way, that’s one of the themes of the book, which is why it’s taking so long: this is not a theme that’s easy to write, especially when one of the plot lines is the build-up to a possible galactic war. Everything has to unfold just right or it won’t work.

Does this come across as final? Maybe? I’m not really seeing it that way, to be honest. There’s definitely no finality in this decision of mine to step away from writing for a bit. If a story idea resonates with me enough, then sure, I’ll give it a go.

I merely want to see what other creative outlet resonates with me at this time in my life, is all.

Fly-by: brb, RL stuff

Not to fear, it’s all good! Just some Real Life stuff that’s been a long time coming, finally coming to fruition. Very good news indeed, and I’m glad I’m finally seeing the end results. One less thing weighing down on me!

(Well, that, and it’s been a hectic week at the Day Job and I decided to take it easy and relax a bit.)

See you on Monday!