Outside

I think it’s safe to say that the cold rainy season here in the Bay Area has finally come to a close (I hope), which means that I’ll be able to return to something I’ve been wanting — and needing — to do at work for a while now. And that’s go outside during my breaks.

I was doing it for a while there, heading up to the roof parking deck for my ten minute breaks and the back half of my lunches. For a while there I was just heading to our small break room and slumping into one of the chairs and, well…maybe not doomscrolling, but passively reading news sites and social media again. At least I’m not getting myself worked up like I used to, so there’s that.

Anyway, I think heading up to the roof, or even out to the side parking lot for a few minutes can’t be all bad, especially since I have a small notebook in my inside jacket pocket that’s been itching to be used for quite some time now. I’ve been using it to work out a few vague ideas for Theadia, but I think it’s time I start using it more often like I used to in the Yankee Candle days: working out what I want to write for the current chapter, that way I’m not wracking my brain at the start of my writing sessions.

As long as the weather is with me, I think this is a fine idea!

[On a side note, I can safely say I don’t need to head outside to do any exercise, as this day job keeps me on my toes and I can easily rack up a few miles’ worth of steps on my fitness app. I’ve joked with one of the bakery workers that any of the cake slices I buy from them get worked off by the end of the day, considering how much I flit around the store!]

I should be walking

For a while I was walking to and from work, but due to the winter weather here in SF, it gets super cold and sometimes rainy and I’d rather either drive in or take the bus. I always feel like I’m being lazy and wasteful because it’s only eight blocks. It’s not even worth turning on the radio as it’s only a three minute drive. But it’s spring now, it’s warming up, and the days are getting longer so I won’t always be walking there or home in the dark, depending on the shift. And the walk is only ten minutes. [I timed it when I first went for my initial interview.]

What do I do in that ten minutes? It’s not as if I really do all that much deep thinking about things. Sometimes I’ll think about what I’ll be doing for the rest of the day when I have a morning shift, and after midday shifts I’ll wonder what’s going on in the neighborhood now that everyone’s come home and had their dinner already. I might even stop into one of the three coffee shops I pass and grab a cup to go.

I do think about my writing. Not always, but sometimes. Just as in the past, if I’ll use the time to work out something that’s bothering me, or plan out something I’d like to try. Going for a walk these days is more about me not having to think, taking a mental break from what I’ve been doing all day, but if I’m in that creative mood, this is a perfect and peaceful time to let my mind wander a bit.

Either way, I need to start walking again. I definitely need the exercise!

More on not holding back

The last time I talked about this sort of thing was four years ago in this entry, but a lot of things have changed in my life since then. I wrote that entry in the first year of the pandemic, about a year after I’d been forced into heading thirty miles west into the office, ten months after I’d originally come up with the idea for Theadia, and six months after I quit that former day job.

Reason I bring it up is that I’ve been talking with some coworkers at the current Day Job about personal things and surprisingly they all say that I’m probably the most got-their-shit-together person they’d ever met. Which is kind of mind-blowing, considering my past. Ask me how I was four years ago, and I’d say that I was in a much better place than I’d been even a few years before that, but I still had a hell of a long way to go.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I work on the Theadia rewrite, because I’m once again at the point where I feel I’ve still been holding back. I’ve just gotten so used to doing it over the last couple of decades for varying reasons. Getting my emotions under control, ensuring my mental and emotional health (and in the process my physical health) was no longer going haywire because I’d just been reacting to everything for most of my life.

So now I’m thinking: yeah, maybe it’s time to trust myself a bit. Far past time.

What does this have to do with my writing? I think it’s that I’ve always felt that my payoffs weren’t as grand as I want them to be. I mean, other than the epic roundup at the end of The Balance of Light where the fate of everyone is held in the hands of two characters, Denni and Saisshalé. I love my books but there’s always this feeling that I could have gone so much further with them plot-wise. Raised the stakes more. Sometimes I feel my personal avoidance of conflict in real life infiltrated the conflict in my books to some degree.

But it’s here and now, and I’m definitely not as avoidant as I used to be. And that’s another reason I want to rewrite Theadia: I can make this story a lot bigger, grander and stronger than what it currently is.

I don’t want to hold back this time.

Gardening

One thing A and I like doing on Fridays is watching Gardeners’ World on BritBox. It’s a nice calming hour of watching Monty Don fiddle with the various sections of his land alongside the various cohosts showing their own gardens and visiting others across the British Isles. It’s a great way to unplug from work and the stresses of the world for a bit.

Recently A also finally acquired a plot at the nearby community garden. She has a background in horticulture, so this is a dream come true. And yes, I’m looking forward to assisting as well when I’m not at the Day Job. I’ve learned quite a bit both from her and from watching those gardening shows, but it’s been ages since I’ve actually done any kind of outside work like this. [I’m quite certain I’m going to get all sorts of blisters and back and knee pains, but in the end it’ll be worth it.]

What does this have to do with writing? Well, nothing much really. It’s just a nice little distraction from life and stress and whatever else is going on. And you know me — I’ll eventually find gardening time is a perfect time to do a bit of plotting in my head. Heh.

Stuff to listen to…?

Not gonna lie, I’m totally looking forward to finding some new albums that could get some heavy rotation during my upcoming writing sessions for Theadia. Each project has had its own playlists and/or albums that become their de facto soundtrack, and I’m sure this one will be no different.

The only difference here, I think, is that I want these albums to have more staying power than the ones tied to my post-trilogy work. There are some records that will always be tied in with the trilogy (And You Think You Know What Life’s About, Sea Change, Fantastic Planet, and so on), and Diwa & Kaffi had The Sound of Arrows’ Stay Free, but that’s about it. I’m not trying to shoehorn any albums into this new project, mind you…I’m just wondering if there’s going to be any that will be as closely tied.

Which brings me to my wanting to pay a little more attention to the music I’ve been listening to. I’ve said previously that the last few years have felt more like I’d focused more on acquisition than connection, and I want to change that. And one of the ways to make that happen is to actively return to some of these albums. That’s what I did in the Belfry back in the day: I’d start off each session putting on a specific cd I wanted to hear to get myself in the mood. Sometimes it was a new release, other times it was an old classic. It really did depend (and still does) on the scene I was about to work on.

I have the music library, I just need to choose what I want to hear.

Artificial…?

(Image courtesy of Ghost in the Shell)

I’ve been reading a few social media or blog posts lately opining how AI has infested many creative fields like invasive critters, taking all the fun and the jobs from those who’ve been in the field for ages doing the actual lo-fi work the hard way.

You can always tell the pro-AI people: they have this weird salesperson optimistic shine to them, telling you how awesome it is to be able to create a novel — a whole freaking novel, even if you’ve never written one before! — just by typing in a few prompts! You can even put in a few more prompts and get a cover! You put in the ideas, the computer does all the hard work! It’s awesome! You’ll have more time for raising more bitcoin!

Oddly enough, they remind me of my worst ever job as a telemarketer at a call center, trying to sell toll-free 800 numbers back in the early 90s. Trying to push something that ninety percent of your targets don’t want, hoping that ten percent will think this is the Best Idea Ever, and you’ve made your sale. [And now you just need to get ten more in the next three hours so you can keep your job.]

It also reminds me of Virtual Reality. Remember that, from the early 90s? It was supposed to be the Next Big Thing then, back with all those crisp images that made the internet under the hood look like an amazing science fictional universe, and we’d all be Johnny Mnemonic with Thompson Eyephones, flying through digital space and opening up files and hacking through firewalls with disembodied computerized hands. Never mind that the real under the hood looked…less so. More 8-bit than CGI, really.

There’s something not entirely real about it all. Not exactly Uncanny Valley unreal, but more like you can definitely tell the difference between the messy and tactile yet endlessly fascinating real world, and the AI world that’s just a tiny bit too shiny and perfect but not quite working to spec in small yet obvious ways.

I’m reasonably sure that this too shall pass, just like VR did, just like those smart glasses and other fiddly bits of hardware that get a huge sales push and vanish a year or so later. They won’t go away, I think…they’ll still have their uses here and there. They just won’t be sold as The Latest Tech Toy You Must Own. The overwhelming reaction of AI art has been a resounding ‘meh’ from most non-tech people anyway, and most artists are pissed off about it for obvious reasons. And as a writer myself? I’m secretly laughing that most AI-created stories are easily spotted, absolutely terrible and lacking any kind of humanity within its pages. We’ll still have a few people trying to make a fast buck by generating a handful of these, but they’re few and far between and they’re not doing as well as they think they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used a few low scale AI art generator websites now and again, just for the fun of it, just to see what it does and what level it’s at. If it wants to stay, I think it still has a long way to go. It might create an eye-catching picture…but with colors slightly too pastel, the smile a bit too Aphex Twin, minor but crucial details completely missing, or perhaps an extra limb or finger bending in strange ways. Plus, it currently takes up a huge fuckton of processing power that’s not healthy for the environment.

We’re still better off going old-school and doing the hard work, even if it does take a bit longer and sometimes costs money, to be honest. The end results are still much more pleasing and long-lasting.

Days away from social media

(Art source unknown, but borrowed from this Medium article)

It’s been a little less than two months since I closed down my Twitter feed, and I can’t say I’ve missed it all that much. Sure, I still pop in from time to time for a minute or so, just to ensure I don’t lose access and to check in on those I follow who aren’t online elsewhere, but other than that, I stay well away.

I’m still on Bluesky and Threads, but even then I don’t stay for too long. Again, maybe for a minute or so. I spend more time with my east coast friends on our shared Discord, to be honest. My Instagram these days are mostly pictures of our cats Jules and Cali. Weirdly enough, the most time I’ll spend on social media is to watch some lawn care reels on Facebook, because they’re a lot of fun and surprisingly calming to watch.

That was the whole point of this detox, really…it wasn’t to take a vacation away from social media but to recalibrate my brain so I’m no longer beholden to it. I still feel like I could better use my time during breaks at work, but I’m not really beating myself up over it. I feel less stressed out, for starters. I feel less inclined to give into a daily rage about whatever nonsense is going on in the world. I’ve found a healthier social balance and I’ve decided I’m going to stay there for a while.

Does this give me more time for writing? Sure! I’ve been doing a lot of world building work for Theadia during breaks and slow times at work. I can get through a good chunk of revision work on Queen Ophelia’s War on a daily basis. I can zip through my daily 750Words. All this, and still have a bit of time left over to relax with non-creative fun things! Time management for the win!

Catching Up

I knew that aside from the expected family gatherings and whatnot over this past weekend, I’d have a lot of time to myself at the hotel I was staying at, so I brought my trusty Lenovo laptop with me. My plan was to hole up and get some serious editing and revision done on Queen Ophelia’s War during that time, and I did in fact get several chapters done in the span of just a few days! Not only that, I was able to bash out a few hundred words for my romcom idea. Hell, I even had a few hours to kill at Logan before my flight back west, so I got some revision work done there as well!

Allowing myself to spend an extended amount of time was something I’d needed, and something I hadn’t been able to do all that often since I started at the Current Day Job. I can do it on my days off, but even then I’m sharing that time with other non-writing things I need to catch up on so the time spent isn’t nearly as long. But hey, that’s something I’ve been trying to adjust! I feel like I’m back on schedule, and that’s where I needed to be in order to make that happen.

Life has returned back to normal now and it’s the start of a new month, so this is the perfect time for me to plan ahead — to do a bit of proactive time management for my creative outlets and life adjustment to get rid of unwanted distractions. I’m still on schedule to get Queen Ophelia’s War out within the next few months.

Down Cellar

I can’t find it right now but I know I have it somewhere: there’s a picture of this same shot of my desk in the Belfry, a staged and corny shot of me looking at the screen with my dad to my right, looking on. It appears like we’re having a serious discussion about a very important scene in my novel. [If I recall, the picture was shot around 2003, so that means I was working on The Balance of Light.]

I have a lot of memories of my family’s basement. Playing down there as a child when it was too rainy in the spring, too hot in the summer, and too cold in the winter. Being kind of freaked out as a kid by the cold and dusty semi-darkness of the back storage room where the big and scary oil heater was. The rumble of the washing machine and always being startled when the dryer loudly announced it was done. Listening to my records down there. And of course, writing The Phoenix Effect and then the three books in my Bridgetown Trilogy.

But what I remember most is that my dad had pretty much claimed the far north end of the basement as his research office. While he was primarily known about town as the local reporter for the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, he was more known locally as the guy who over several decades had acquired an overwhelmingly complex collection of books, notebooks, files, news clippings, pictures, maps, binders, and index cards, each of them containing an intriguing detail in the larger tapestry of the history of his hometown of Athol, MA. It was a lifelong project he’d started before I was born and continued long after I moved out of the house. None of it was digitized and all of it was cobbled together with tape and glue. He had a chicken-scratch handwriting and always used his old-school Royal typewriter.

He used to have all sorts of visitors over the years who would come over to borrow some of those files for their own research. He’d get college students writing papers, writers working on projects, local historians looking for things they’d missed elsewhere. The local library would sometimes point people in his direction if they weren’t able to help. And the collection kept growing, slowly blocking windows, taking up floor space, and reaching up to the ceiling. And occasionally getting knocked over by cats. [For the record, nearly all of this collection is now found in a reference room of said local library, dedicated to his work.]

He had this very old radio on his desk that he’d often use to listen to swing jazz and classical music, always with more bass than treble. He was a big fan of big band leaders like Glenn Miller and Benny Goodman. [That radio was so old that it would crackle with fierce static every time he turned it on.] He always had music going when he worked. Even when he was at his day job office downtown, he had a radio there as well. He was a pretty good piano player as well; he’d often play standards on our family’s piano and later on one of the electronic keyboards we owned.

I moved my desk down cellar in early 1996 when I’d moved back home and had acquired my first PC, and he was just fine with me staking my own little corner down there at the opposite end of the room, right near the door to the garage and the stairs leading up to the main part of the house. He knew I wasn’t going to be a reporter, and I’d told him many times that I was not interested in that style. But he was just as glad that I’d chosen a somewhat similar creative path, writing fiction. [We never called it ‘the basement’ but ‘down cellar’, definitely a New Englandism.]

Some nights we’d be working at opposite ends of the room, our music sometimes dueling with each other (I was acquiring a massive music collection at the time that would soon overwhelm that back storage room). We were both writers working on what we loved doing most, perfectly happy doing so without much conversation. Some days he’d be down there until late at night, and some days I’d be down there until the wee hours.

One of the last conversations I had with him over the phone was right around Christmas. Whenever we spoke on the phone, he always asked how my writing was coming along. He was proud of the fact that I was still working at it years later, that I’d self-published several novels, seen my dream career all the way through to that level. He always had some kind of writing advice: don’t overedit, know when you’ve done enough research and when to start doing the actual writing, and always make sure you enjoy doing it. And above all, always write what’s true to you.

Thanks, Dad. Best writing advice I ever got.

Richard Chaisson 1935-2024