Category: Theadia

Slow going

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I admit I am a bit frustrated that it’s taking me forever to finish Theadia. My writing sessions lately have been sluggish and not all that productive, getting only maybe a few hundred words at most, and often quite less. Right now I’m stuck on a scene that’s taking me forever to get through, mainly because I have only the vaguest of ideas of what I want to do with it. [There’s also the fact that I’ve been dealing with spring allergies lately, which have been leaving me with less energy than I usually have.]

As always, the only thing I can do right now is power through.

Meanwhile, what else is happening on the creative front? Well, not all that much at the moment, sadly. I’ve been kind of delaying that more than I really should. Perhaps it’s a mix of not wanting to force myself into anything else at the moment and the fact that I’m still getting used to my recent job transfer. Not that it’s harder or more stressful, quite the opposite; it’s actually that it’s taking time for me to get used to not stress-working through multiple responsibilities (each with constantly shifting priority levels). This change in stress levels means that my body is responding in kind, suddenly realizing wait, you mean I can finally relax? SWEET! I’m sure it’ll balance out eventually and I’ll be back to normal soon.

I remember this happening when I left the Former Day Job six years ago. I had no idea how flipping exhausted I was then, and it took quite a few months for everything to go back to normal. I don’t expect it to take nearly as long this time of course, but I’m still a bit impatient about it.

Like I said, powering through.

Here we go

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Latest revision of Theadia complete? Check.
All needed changes and updates complete? Check.
Continuity and timeline issues fixed? Check.

Now to finish the damn thing already. And I’m nervous as hell. I kinda sorta know how to finish the novel? Maybe?

This feels very similar to sixteen years ago when I finished The Balance of Light after a nearly four year hiatus. It’s not a block so much as there are a lot of moving parts that I need to weave together in a coherent and believable fashion, and I’m a bit nervous about nailing the landing. After all, I’ve never written a story like this before so this is all kind of new and I want to do it right the first time.

I’ll be honest, though — I’m not the least bit worried about hitting any deadlines, because it’ll get done when it gets done. By the time I’m nearing the finish line with my stories, my pace is even and deliberate. I trust my instincts to know when and how to write the final sentence. [And as an aside, to answer the question of how do I know when I’m finished?: I tend to go with an open-ended denouement scene as those are my favorites. This story ends here, but there’s always another new and different one just around the corner. It provides a needed finality for the character and the story (and the reader), but with a reminder that life now and in the future remains in constant motion.]

If I had to guess, I’d say there’s at least five to ten more chapters left. We’re pretty much at the climax of the storyline, I just need to crest that wave and ride it to completion. And since I’ve never written what is essentially a space opera (at least my version of one) before, there’s certainly a lot of unique worldbuilding I have to keep in mind while gathering all the story threads together. It’s deliberately messy and chaotic, but it also has its own deliberate logic that runs throughout the novel. It’s a war story as seen from the standpoint of civilians instead of soldiers (although soldiers — or in this case, pilots — have a major role). It’s more about the war that takes place between citizens and those in charge than it is about the enemy rushing the front lines.

How will this play out in the next couple of months? Who knows? But I certainly hope I’ll be able to pull it off!

Remain calm

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I’ve been posting here only once a week these days, for varying reasons. The main one is that I’ve been acclimating to the new shop I transferred to (new location, new bosses, new coworkers, new responsibilities, more hours, the really early start on my bookkeeping days), but at this point I think I’m comfortable enough not to worry much about that now.

As it stands, I feel like I’m finally acting my age. I mean, considering that I’m in my mid-fifties now, I see no need to be racing hither and yon every waking moment. [This transfer is indirectly involved in that, in which I no longer feel I need to be on top of everything out of necessity; I have a team that picks up what I can’t and I don’t need to twist anyone’s arm to make that happen.] I can slow down a bit and go at a leisurely pace. I don’t have to be so damned active every waking moment if I don’t want to. And it’s been so much healthier that way.

I think I finally get the real meaning behind John Lennon’s “No longer riding on the merry-go-round, I just had to let it go” lyric.

Not that I’m resigning myself to sitting around doing nothing, far from it. Just going at my own pace. I’m still looking forward to my other creative outlets once Theadia is done. Will I share it here on the blog? Most likely, yes, in part or at least with some decent amount of watermarking involved to avoid those pesky stealing LLMs. [Not that I expect my output to be works of brilliance, but you can’t be too paranoid about robotkind, heh.]

But yeah, life is better these days now that I’ve chosen to go at my own pace.

Getting there

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I’ve still got a long way to go before Theadia is finished and let out into the wild, and right now the last thing on my mind is a deadline. I mean, I’d like to see it out at some point this year, but I’m not going to push it if it ain’t gonna move any faster. I’ve always pictured the writing process of this project as similar to the Bridgetown Trilogy, in that I’d keep up with it but I would never actually rush it at any point. It would get done when it got done.

There’s also the fact that I’m also purposely seeing this as…well, not a final project, but a last one before I put my writing aside for a little while. Which is kind of ironic, considering that I’d conceived it at one of the most stressful times of my life when I’d come to a crossroads and had no idea where I was going next, both personally and creatively. It began in desperation and ends in peace. In a way, that’s one of the themes of the book, which is why it’s taking so long: this is not a theme that’s easy to write, especially when one of the plot lines is the build-up to a possible galactic war. Everything has to unfold just right or it won’t work.

Does this come across as final? Maybe? I’m not really seeing it that way, to be honest. There’s definitely no finality in this decision of mine to step away from writing for a bit. If a story idea resonates with me enough, then sure, I’ll give it a go.

I merely want to see what other creative outlet resonates with me at this time in my life, is all.

Thinking about it

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The status of Theadia is still in ‘I’m getting there’, but right now I’m thinking about whether or not I want to self-publish it or try my hand at submission again. I haven’t decided either way just yet, but I feel like I should at least keep that possibility open for now.

So why now? Why not keep up with the DIY self-publishing? Well, why not is indeed the question here. I still feel like I could have had a chance with Diwa & Kaffi if I hadn’t sent it out a mere month before a world pandemic strongarmed its way into everyone’s lives. By the time things settled down, I’d wanted to try the DIY approach again. I always hoped that novel could have done so much better, as I still think it’s one of the best things I’ve ever written.

The problem with DIY is that I’m still not the best with getting my name and my wares out there. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to do so these days when self-publishing has gotten much easier to do. And of course there’s the completely unnecessary interruption of AI-generated slop out there clogging everything up. I’m sure I can rise above that, but the point remains that I’m not all that great at self-promotion. If I’m going to go this route, I’m going to need to seriously up my game.

[There is also the fact that I’m definitely going to need to commission an artist for Theadia‘s cover, because I don’t think the photo database sites are going to cut it this time. I can (hopefully) afford it, but I’m still nervous about getting it right.]

That’s not to say that this novel is going to be a make-or-break situation for me, far from it. I’m going to keep creating one way or another; it’s in my blood and I don’t plan on giving that up anytime soon. Just that I know I can do so much better than how I’ve been previously.

Balancing

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The other day someone on Threads mentioned how they once witnessed one of their classmates sitting next to them in a lecture hall, seemingly focused only on the detailed knitting project they were working on. The poster thought, initially, that it was rather rude of them to attend a class only to completely ignore it, only to be proven wrong when they then asked the professor a very detailed question about something that had been mentioned twenty minutes previously. Surprised and intrigued, they asked the classmate how they could do that and mentioned that the knitting was their “secondary focus”; they had ADHD and this pretty much their fidget-spinner activity. Something additional for their brain to focus on that gave their initial focus (the professor) more clarity.

Reading this, I thought: wait a minute. I used to do this all the damn time in high school and college. My notebooks were filled with made-up maps and doodles of a character I’d call Murph, maybe even the makings of a poem or a lyric. I was terrible at taking notes in school (I couldn’t focus on what the teacher was saying and transcribe it at the same time, not without missing out on bits of information) and completely by chance I realized this worked for me. Even into my post-academic years, I’d have that secondary focus going on while taking in what someone might be teaching me. And if you ever saw me at various conventions, I’d be sitting a few aisles back in the audience with a notebook out, writing notes on story ideas while also listening to the presenters. [The downside to this is that I’ve had to explain to many managers that I’m not not paying attention, this is just the way I focus on what you’re telling me.]

It occurred to me that this was exactly how I was able to write two complete novels at the same time: I worked on self-publishing A Division of Souls while writing a rough draft of Meet the Lidwells; I wrote Lidwells while writing a rough of In My Blue World. And so on, until I took some personal time off during the pandemic in 2020. I knew I could probably get away with doing it, so I just…did it.

It’s been a while since I’ve done that kind of creative multitasking, but I’m thinking it’s time for me to return to that process. I’ve been feeling kind of distracted lately and it’s causing me to lose focus on Theadia. It’s not that I have the Don’t Wannas, it’s more that I keep turning away to look at something else that might be slightly more interesting at that moment. There’s also the fact that I occasionally forget that I have those ADHD kind of issues with focus and distraction and I just sort of spiral into hyperfocus on whatever’s in front of me. It’s an ongoing battle sometimes.

My plan, at least for now, is to utilize the 750 Words site for this ‘secondary focus’. I’m not entirely sure what project I’ll work on, but I do have a few that I could pass the audition once I give it a try. Will it work? Who knows? But like I said…I just have to do it.

Into the bin it goes

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Looks like my plan to expand on a few scenes in Theadia isn’t working out as well as I thought. Truth be told, I’m not too bothered by it because it kind of felt more like an experiment than a well thought-out plan. I’m still inserting a few new chapters here and there, but I’m dialing most of it back. Why? Well, sometimes I just have to go with my instinct of something doesn’t feel right to me. The more I inserted, the more it felt like the wrong way to go. Simple as that.

I’ve gotten used to this kind of editing over the years, which means that I’m less worried about having wasted time and spoons trying to make it work. It is what it is, and I can always insert it in abbreviated form somewhere else if the information is important enough. [There is also the fact that the novel is a bit over 180k words and still not complete, so keeping it reined in is probably for the best.]

Editing and revising as I go has been part of the overall process for me for ages now. In fact, I prefer that style because it keeps me from writing too many rambling scenes that don’t lead anywhere. It also makes the whole process go by faster, in that it gives me a clearer vision of where the story should lead, as well as what early scenes need fixing or replacing. This has also helped me let go of scenes (and projects!) that need to be put in the bin.

That said, this does clear up my schedule for 2026 a bit, which is a plus!

Almost six years…?

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Has it really been almost six years I’ve been working on Theadia…? More to the point, how is it that I’m not freaked out that I’m still working on this one project and NOT feeling like a failure for taking so dang long?

To be honest, however, I think it comes with maturity and patience. The obvious reason I was able to turn around my last few novels so quickly was that it was actually a two-year, two-project schedule: one written while working on the editing and release of another. [It also helped that those novels were not epic projects like the Bridgetown Trilogy or Theadia, but shorter stories that didn’t need several hours of prep, work and so on.] Still, I’m glad to say I’m on the back end of this one and I hope to get it out to y’all on the back half of this year.

It’s interesting, though, comparing it to the time I spent working on the Mendaihu Universe. Back during the Belfry days I purposely didn’t give myself a set deadline because I knew this trilogy would be done when it got done. On the one hand I did kind of feel like I was lagging behind every other writer my age out there who was already seeing their works in print, but on the other hand I often reminded myself that I was doing this for me only. Being a successful (or even semi-successful) (or even having some random readers at that) was a goal, but not THE goal. I focused on wanting to tell the stories I wanted to tell, and allowing myself to do it the way I wanted to do it.

These days I don’t really mind that it’s taking me this long to release this story, because I know that doing it right means not rushing it.

If you could…

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Sometimes when I’m working on my novels, I think about how potential readers are going to react. Will they like this? Will they think my work is just a bit too out there? Is it work that at best is a C-average when it could be so much better? I never think about it to any large degree, mind you, because in my head I’m always writing these for my own enjoyment first and foremost. If other people like it, then that’s pretty cool too!

With Theadia, however? This is definitely a novel about rebelling against authority.

Mind you, I’ve been wanting to write something like that since I was a teenager. It’s just something I’ve always been drawn to, whether out of a sense of justice or simply that I gravitate towards that sort of thing. It’s just how I’m drawn, I suppose. It’s what happens when college radio blows your mind at fifteen and tells you that there’s more out there than just rigid conformity, and that it’s not only okay to question authority, but there are times when it’s necessary to do so.

I wouldn’t say that Theadia is a reactive commentary on refusing to follow authority, because our two main characters say almost from the beginning that they’re exhausted by having to react to such situations each and every time. And to do that, it’s less about waiting for things to happen and more about understanding when things will happen and preventing it from taking place. This kind of story is a bit tricky to write, because your mains could come across as high and mighty. Or worse, just as authoritarian. The characters must always keep in mind that they’re not merely doing this out of a sense of justice. They’re doing it because it’s necessary.

More than a few times, our mains will say “You know what? Fuck it. If authority isn’t going to follow their own established rules that are there mainly to keep us bound? Then neither should we.” Like bones, sometimes you need to break rules and guidelines in order to make them stronger for the body as a whole. They notice a shocking lack of engineering compliance and use that to their advantage. They notice rent-a-heavies trying to bother the protesters and distract or call them out. They make a noise and escalate to as many legislative bodies as they can to stem the tide. And at all times, they connect with other groups as a way to make communication even stronger.

It’s tiring work, but sometimes it has to be done.

Oh, this should work perfectly

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Every now and again I’ll figure out a long-standing block in my current project, and in the process, I’ll be of two minds about it: one, that this unexpectedly clears the path for everything else to run smoothly…and two, that it’ll be a hell of a lot more work than expected. I suppose it’s the variant on the angel and devil on your shoulders bit, really. You feel thrilled that this one problem has finally gone away, but you don’t want to fully trust it just yet.

This has happened twice recently with Theadia, actually. Late last month I’d come to the conclusion that the problem I’d had with a certain character had nothing to do with their actions or what I needed them to do…it was that the character didn’t work. They were just…boring the hell out of me. I hated writing them and initially thought it was because it was a scene I ultimately would not need. That didn’t quite feel right to me, however. The clarity came when I decided that maybe I should have their actions be played by a character I had a bit more interest in but had woefully underused. And LO! It actually worked! These new passages are still a bit weak and in need of revision, but I’m not too worried about that — right now I just want to get the scenes done and written.

The second time was just a week or so ago, when I FINALLY came up with a plausible ending for the novel. This was just like The Balance of Light, in that I knew how I wanted the story to end, but I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to get there. Thankfully there was no years-long block this time, only a general I’ll get to it when I get to it avoidance. Suffice it to say, I happened to have the day off then, and allowed myself to ruminate over this bit of clarity for a bit to work it out. After about an hour or two, I had a pretty good idea of how I was going to play this out.

As of this moment, I am focusing mostly on the first revelation, as they are the main character of nearly all the ‘WRITE THIS LATER’ scenes I’d skipped over the last year or so. This is actually working for the best, as I’m able to expand on this new character organically, just like I had with the other mains. And once that is taken care of, I can finally finish the novel properly.

And everything will fall into place perfectly.

I hope.