Tag: writing

Dialing it back

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

I’ve said before that writing Diwa & Kaffi did a number on me mentally and emotionally, but not because it was a hard book to write. On the contrary, it was an immensely pleasurable book to write, even despite the occasional pitfalls and issues I had with it over the couple of years I worked on it. So what happened?

What happened was that I wrote a book where I dialed it back.

My writing, even my juvenilia, has always had that element of emotions at full volume, much like my life for years. It wasn’t real or important unless I was feeling it fully, intensely and completely. It’s just the way my brain had been wired all this time. You can definitely see it in the Bridgetown Trilogy, and even in Meet the Lidwells! and In My Blue World, though in a more muted way.

It was while I was working on Diwa & Kaffi that I realized that not only do I not have to write in that style, I most definitely do not have to live my life that way, either. And that’s what I did during the pandemic while I was unemployed: I dialed it back. It took a long time and I had to do it in increments, but the more I did it, the more I knew this was the right thing to do. The healthier thing to do, physically and emotionally.

In doing this, I allowed myself to make life choices without the overwhelming feeling of yes, but is this what you really want to do? doubt hanging over my head at every moment. I learned that was the main culprit: self-doubt. Not exactly crippling, but definitely strong enough to make me constantly second-guess myself when it came to life decisions. I’d always trusted myself once I took the plunge in whatever decision I made, but it was that initial yes, but what if that was so fucking hard to get past. And to compensate for that, I’d prove I was right by resonating with the decision: fully, intensely and completely.

I started seeing that this was not only unhealthy, but this most definitely was not how most people dealt with this sort of thing. I was constantly jealous of others who could make life-altering decisions with just a ‘yeah, this is what I want’ without dwelling on the decision for years on end and hyper-focusing on the possible outcomes. Why couldn’t I be that way?

Turns out I can. All I had to do was dial it back.

That was part of the reason I wrote Diwa & Kaffi in the first place: I wanted to see if I could write something calm and low-stakes yet still about life-changing decisions. A story that I felt just as strongly about as my other works, but without that unhealthy intensity. That novel was me proving to myself that I didn’t have to live my life dialed up to eleven every waking moment. It was about trusting myself, even if I didn’t know the outcome. And once I finished it, I knew I’d made the right decision.

It scared the shit out of me, finally knowing that I could change, that I could be this person I needed to be with a much calmer demeanor. But the best part? That self-doubt was nowhere to be seen. Sure, sometimes the are you sure? voice is still there, but it’s not crippling. It’s merely reminding me to be smart about my choices, that’s all. I trust myself a hell of a lot more now. Sometimes life just…is. It doesn’t always have to be a Fully and Completely moment every time. And that’s just fine.

I’m sure MU4 will still be intense, as that’s what that universe is all about. And I think my stories going forward will have a somewhat more realistic take on high-stakes issues and intensity, rather than writing another dialed-to-eleven manuscript. Will it change my style any? Who knows. If it does, it does. And that’s just fine too.

Your name is…?

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

In going through a bunch of my new and old writing projects these past couple of months, I’ve noticed an interesting and consistent trend through my writing career: my by-line.

In nearly all of my rough drafts, the title page wouldn’t say “by Jon Chaisson”, but “by j chaisson”. A single letter (no period) for the first name and lower case for both. Maybe it’s that I always felt a bit odd writing my own full name on my drafts, or maybe I just liked the looks of it. It’s my handle on Bluesky. I’ve also been using it at work lately. As part of my bookkeeping duties I have to sign off on a few forms and slips and I’ve been signing them the same way. I’d only change it to my full name upon uploading it to Smashwords.

So now I’m wondering…perhaps I’d like to use ‘j chaisson’ as my pen name from here on in. This will mean making a few changes at my Smashwords site. I’ll need to do some changing around with the e-books I have available, and not just the author page; I’ll need to change the cover images and the edition information as well. Thankfully I do my own covers and have the originals so it’s just a matter of making the changes and reupping them. Changing the Amazon paperbacks might be more of a hassle, but I’ve been thinking of taking them down anyway.

So why make this change now? That’s a good question, and the main answer is why the hell not? One reason is because it resonates with me. I’ve used it many times in many places and I like how it looks and feels. Another reason, a more professional one, is that it gives me a bit of leeway for when I want to write out of genre. I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while, but it feels like this is a good a time as any to start.

Getting started…eventually

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

It’s occurred to me that one of the reasons I haven’t been doing any writing work lately — I mean, aside from focusing on the blogs and some Walk in Silence (the book) work — is that I’ve been working on rewiring my head a bit.

I’ve written here before, many times, that I’ve been too easily and willingly distracted by online things: social media, videos, comics, music, and so on. Over the course of this year I’ve been working on fixing that, and I think I’m finally at the point where I have it all under control. I’m not really giving any of it up, I’m just no longer being passive about it. I’ve been here before, I just want to make it last longer this time out.

So what about these new projects that are just…sitting there, doing nothing? Well, that’s a good question. And I have a plan that I hope will work. It might be a Best Laid Plan or it might actually work, but hey, at least it’s a plan: continue with the compartmentalization strategy.

I’m not assigning myself work here, which is the trap I’ve fallen into before. No, this is merely part of the job of being a writer. So for instance, say I have my first ten minute break of the day at work: my current habit is to head to the break room, have a snack, and screw around on my phone for a few minutes reading social media until it’s time to go back. Sure, it might be just fine on its own…it’s a bit of mental relaxation during a busy day, right?

I’m trying to break myself out of that. Mainly because I’m personally bored with the habit. It doesn’t do much for me anymore. [I mean, unless A texts me a picture of one of our cats. That’s always worth it.] I think about my other coworkers: some of them head outside to the upper parking deck. Some of them do a bit of reading or texting or chat with friends who are also on break.

My plan before was to change it up and go straight into writing something longhand. Hell, I even have a small notebook that fits perfectly in my jacket pocket! But once I’m on break….? Nothing comes. I’m right back there, futzing around online. Which means that I haven’t quite mastered the approach. What I need to do is prepare myself for that ten minute writing session! So how about this: let’s say I’m scheduled for that ten minute break at 10am. So to prepare for that, I can think about what I want to write at that time by, say, 9:45. A fifteen-minute prep time while I’m ringing up customers. I can definitely think about my writing while at the register, I’ve done it loads of times. So by the time I do go on break, I’m ready and prepared to pull out that notebook and do a bit of work!

To change it up, why not change the setting as well? Go up on the roof, head outside, go somewhere for that ten minutes. And I’m sure that by the time I get this preparation down, I can use all that extra time during my half-hour lunch using the same process to add to the word count.

Will it work? Well, who knows? But it’s worth a shot, right?

Once more in B-Town

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

So I’m caught up with the rereads of my current WIPs and I’m ready to get started on the rewrites and revisions of those, which leaves me with one last major task: to reread the Bridgetown Trilogy once more to prepare myself for writing MU4.

Thoughts so far:
–That first chapter with Nehalé Usarai holds up really well after all these years. I love that it hints at the ‘slow build’ of the entire trilogy: quiet and static at first, and slowly growing in intensity and ‘volume’ until the end where you’re left breathless and with a feeling of ‘oh shit this is not going to go well for a lot of people in this city, is it’. I wrote it that way on purpose.
–Sure, the introduction of Caren and Denni uses the classic ‘waking up from a bad dream’ trope, but my writing has been all about using those kinds of tropes and twisting them in different directions. They were not dreaming but visiting their separate lumisha dea — their place of spiritual inner peace — and the visits were not so peaceful this time out. I was lucky in that by 2015 I was intimately aware of the ins and outs of this trilogy so I knew how to make tropes work to my advantage.
–Would I change anything, years later? Maybe? I think I could have beefed up a few character descriptions here and there, maybe make a few of them more dynamic, and fix a few grammar and word choice mistakes, but storywise? Nope. I’m definitely proud of this work. I did exactly what I wanted to do with it and I’m thrilled with the results.

One of the reasons why I return to this universe is that I simply love being within it. It’s the one where I spent this much time, energy and thought: unique characters, detailed maps, an alien language, a spiritual belief system, even a way to travel long distances. It was my own take on the science fiction genre, and I saw it as a way to have fun with the creative process. I could take as deep a dive into it as I wanted, and I certainly did, many times over. And I knew that once The Balance of Light was done, I’d be done with the trilogy…but not necessarily the universe itself. I always knew I’d come back to it, one way or another.

Once I’m done with the trilogy, I’ll of course read what I have so far of MU4 and go from there. I’ll most likely have a much better grasp of what I want to do with it, and what I should do with it.

Current Status: Planning

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

Right now I’m about two-thirds of the way through the reread of Theadia and I’m happy to say that it stands up quite well despite me having never written a space-related story before. [I’d call it a space opera but you’re not going to see any super heavy tech nerdery going on here, and that’s on purpose.] It could certainly use a bit of tidying up and of course it needs a full ending, but I’m glad to say it’s still in the running for one of my next projects!

I could say the same for Queen Ophelia’s War as well. [In case you missed it, I changed the name slightly for reasons.] That one definitely needs a completely new beginning but once it gets to the start of Act II it really shines and works great to the almost-end. And yes, I need to finish this one as well. I’m thinking this might be the very next project as I feel closest to this one right now. I know exactly what’s needed and how to make it work the best way possible, and that’s a rarity.

So what about MU4, you say? Well yeah, I’m going to need to come back to that as a long term project. And yes, I’m going to be doing another reread of the Bridgetown Trilogy to refamiliarize myself with the universe — and maybe pick up a few story beats that I can use in the new book as well. I know this one’s going to take some time so I’m not going to rush it.

But yeah…I still may not be doing any writing right now, but I’m getting there.

Juvenilia and Poetry

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

It’s a trick I learned from working on music history chronology: sometimes things just make a bit more sense when you put it all in the correct order. How one thing ties in with another, perhaps influences something else, all while putting it in a clearer context.

Not counting that bit of extracurricular fun I had in fifth grade, my poetry and lyric writing started sometime in the early months of 1988. The IWN had been completed and its sequel started, and I’d also just finished a very silly John Hughes-influenced screenplay (also my first completed one) in the fall of 1987, and to top it off, I’d just bought myself a cheap bass guitar for $25 downtown and was about to teach myself how to play it. [There were two to choose from, and the other one was shaped like an Uzi submachine gun — no, I’m not kidding — so I grabbed the headstockless one instead.]

I kind of fell into writing poetry because I wanted to try something different. I also wanted to start a band and would be doing so at the start of 1988. With that plan in mind, I figured I’d also need to start writing some song lyrics as well. I latched onto my favorite influences at the time: the goth wordplay of The Sisters of Mercy, the oblique artiness of Wire, the doom and gloom of The Cure and the quirky love songs of Depeche Mode.

The first couple of attempts weren’t all that serious, but I wasn’t taking my assignment all that serious to begin with. I wanted to have fun with it! Most of it would be written in notebooks and on scraps of paper, written in my bedroom. By late summer of 1988, however, I came up with an idea: what if I take one of these numerous notebooks I have in my room — say, this Mead composition book that I rarely used for school to begin with — and started writing in it?

But that was still a few weeks away. Right now I had more pressing things on my mind: my best friends from high school — the ones who were all one year ahead of me and had graduated that May — were about to head out of town and off to college. That hit me pretty hard, and not just because they were all going away…I’d always been the ‘last’ in one way or another. The youngest sibling, the youngest in my extended relations of numerous cousins, one of the last kids of my age in the neighborhood. Usually last picked in gym class as well, of course. It was not so much a sense of abandonment as it was a profound sense of being left behind because I wasn’t allowed to catch up. That would haunt me for quite a number of years.

And it would be the impetus of a lot of my poetry, lyrics and fiction writing around that time. I found solace in listening to music and losing myself in my creativity for a few hours. That composition book would be where I’d bleed out whatever was going on in my head. And I’d also given myself one rule: no boundaries here on the page. If I felt safe in writing something heartbreaking, or horrifying, weird or embarrassing or even hilarious, then I wouldn’t hold myself back at all. My first attempts were sketchy and slight at best, but by the winter of 1988 I’d found the voice I’d needed. I just needed to keep going.

Revisiting these poems now, so many years later, I’ve been able to put this all to rest and in its proper order. I can look at these with emotional distance and appreciation. Putting these in their proper order and context, without holding back on any memories or subsequent clarity that might arise, has indeed brought on both in abundance. Answers finally given, clarity finally achieved.

More on Rereading…and Transcribing

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

All this rereading of my finished novels, WIPs and backburner projects has also kicked off more rereading, this time of my early longhand writing. Right now I’m going through some of my old chapbook poetry and lyrics, transcribing some of them and making personal notes. Why? Well, why not?

One of the reasons for doing this now is that I’m conducting a writing experiment. I’m assigning myself to work on something every day, without fail. I’m assigning myself simple things like doing some fun Walk in Silence (the book) work on 750Words and this poetry transcription. Easy writing that would take less than an hour out of my day. That was the impetus: I wanted to see if I could do a full month in a row. I started on June 1, kept on going, and I haven’t missed a day yet, so that’s nearly two months right there. Not bad at all, really. I see no reason why I should stop now.

I’ve mentioned before that I’d assigned myself a transcription project back in the summer of 1995 and into spring of 1996. I’d done it then as I’d finally had access to a computer and wanted a digital copy of my juvenilia for safe-keeping as well as for easier access. [There was also the fact that I’d done it as a distraction to avoid falling into a self-loathing spiral due to my failure at staying in Boston, but that’s another story.] That was the last time I’d done it to any considerable extent. This has become a bit of a problem in the present time, because a lot of that work was written using the MS Write program which no longer exists, and WRI files don’t translate well at all to Word or Notepad. I have the printouts…but I’d really like to have the digital versions once more.

Why am I doing this instead of writing novels, you ask? Well, I’m getting there. The rereads of the current work are preparing me for the novel projects. Refreshing my memory of the novel projects I’d like to work on next. And I still have a ways to go before I’m fully ready. It’s prep work.

It’s also interesting to read words I’ve written that I haven’t reread to any serious extent for nearly three decades. While there’s a lot in there at my most inexperienced, there are also smaller gems: unique ideas and impressive passages that merely needed the work of a much better writer. I had to start somewhere, and I wasn’t afraid to start at the bottom just like everyone else. I’m also finding elements of myself then that explain who I am now.

That’s what’s making it worthwhile: looking back in order to move forward.

Rereading My Work

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

Sure, I’ll reread my own work, whether it’s completed and self-published, incomplete and on the backburner, or trunked and best forgotten. I do it rather often, actually, and for various reasons. Since releasing Diwa & Kaffi out into the world, I gave that one yet another once-over, just to see how it looks in epub format. [Quite nice, actually.] After that I reread In My Blue World with the idea of toying with the possibility of writing its sequel. And now I’m rereading what I have of Queen Ophelia (which, now that I think about it, should really be titled Queen Ophelia’s War if I’m going to keep the title at all). I plan to reread Theadia after that.

I’m rereading these three to decide which project I should work on next while also working on MU4. I’m still undecided as to which one to tackle so I’m refamiliarizing myself with the stories to see which one resonates with me the most. Sure, I could come up with a completely new idea if I wanted, but I’m holding back on that because I feel these still have merit, even if they do need a hell of a lot of work.

And that’s the other reason for the rereads: how much work do they need, and is it worth spending the time? I don’t think any of them need a major overhaul, thankfully, and the newer ideas just need their outlines fleshed out and the stories written. I don’t count MU4 here, because that’s in an altogether different beast; when I have the time I’ll reread the original trilogy and what I have of 4 because that particular project needs a different kind of immersion.

It’s a lot of work and it surely eats into my GoodReads numbers, but I’ve found that this is part of a larger process that works really well for my projects — it’s just enough immersion into the created world so that I can easily slide back into it and move forward.

Up and running

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

The new PC is up and running here in Spare Oom, and I’ve been spending my free time setting up the apps and programs I use the most. As I did with the restore of the older computer, I’m trying to keep it minimal. Do I really need this program taking up space? Do I even use that app anymore? There’s a handful of Must Haves, of course — Office 365 for the writing and MediaMonkey for the tunage, along with the couple of security apps — but I’m fine with not uploading certain programs unless I actually need them. This PC also has a much smaller footprint and I’m fine with that, but I may need to figure out a new setup for my externals, which are currently and precariously balanced on top of it at the moment.

And in a shocking move, I’ve decided to not set up Dropbox locally for reasons of finite hard drive storage space, meaning my writing is pretty much solely on its cloud. Mind you, I already have a copy of the folders on an external that I set up a day or so ago, so I can just do a manual ‘save as’ whenever I finish my writing session.

Either way, I’m glad that I made the move. Now I just need to get writing again!

Back to work

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

Okay, I really need to get back to writing MU4 and thinking about other projects, now that Diwa & Kaffi is out in the wild. I can certainly do my bit with self-promotion (such as it is) but right now I’m not writing anything at all, and that’s not going to get me back on my yearly release plan! I’ve got a few ideas in mind, finally a few days and some brain space to figure them out, so let’s get crackin’.

And hi, all of you who’ve been picking up my books this month from Smashwords! Glad you could join in! And thank you so much for choosing my novels for your e-reading pile! I hope you enjoy them! If you have any comments or questions regarding them, by all means feel free to drop them here!