Category: Personal

Against the grain

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Against the grain
That’s where I’ll stay
Swimming upstream
I maintain against the grain

–Bad Religion

Sure, it might not help me sell a ton of books, but that’s never truly been my writing goal, only a nice dream to have. The fact that I know I have a few hundred copies of my seven novels out there, and that I have a small but loyal following here on my blogs? That’s good enough for me.

I know my work isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t quite fit in to What Sells or What’s Popular. But again, that’s never been my goal. I write what I want, how I want, and when I want. And that is what I’ve wanted.

And maintaining that bit of nonconformity in everyday life is also something worth embracing.

How old is this printer, anyway…?

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While doing my usual Sunday PC cleaning with the usual updates, cleaners and tune-ups, I’ve suddenly learned that my printer is no longer talking with my computer. I’m not sure if it’s a broken driver, screwed up settings due to cats using it as a perch, or just that it’s quite ancient in terms of tech years. I’ve updated all the drivers so it doesn’t seem that’s the issue. The printer seems to be stuck forever on a ‘receiving data’ notification on its tiny LCD screen, even after several reboots. The USB connector also feels kind of loose as well so I’m wondering if the hardware is just worn out.

Which makes me wonder…how old is this printer, anyway? Per this blog’s archive, it’s at least a decade old, having been picked up either in December 2014 or January 2015. It’s seen a lot of use, and it’s served me well. It’s finally time to buy a new one.

It also made me think about how often I do use it these days, and the answer is not all that much. Compared to back in the Belfry days when I’d print out a chapter as soon as I finished it (for offline editing and revision, of course) and once more when I wanted a crisp and clean copy, the only times I print out something here is when I need a mailing label or when A needs something for work. And these days I don’t need to print out a project if I’m ever thinking of submitting it somewhere, when most publishers prefer the digital copy anyway.

The old one is an all-in-one printer/copier/scanner and I find those very useful for various reasons, so that’s what I’m buying again. Tempting though it is to get a color printer, I don’t think I’d have much use for it, so monochrome it is. I might have to remember to turn the thing off when it’s not in use so Certain Cats don’t accidentally screw it up when they step on the LED screen on their way to/from the window. [I should start doing that anyway to save on energy and wear.] Brother aged this old model out years ago of course, so I’ve chosen a similar model that does pretty much offers the same things.

And speaking of scanners, I’m thinking this will give me the impetus to finally digitize my longhand work. I’ve been meaning to do that for years and keep putting it off, but given that I now have more time and inclination, perhaps it’s time. A lot of the longhand stuff is of course my juvenilia, but there’s a lot of trilogy-related stuff out there as well that hasn’t been put into pdf form, including the original rough draft of The Phoenix Effect. There are also printed versions of early works (like True Faith) that I can no longer access as I’d used MS Write for them and WRI files don’t translate to Word all that well. It would actually be kind of fun to pull all of it together so I can revisit it all on my e-reader!

Amusingly enough, the new printer should arrive on or around my birthday on Wednesday, so I’m thinking of this as a present to myself. Here’s to hoping the new one lasts as long as the old one did!

Clocking in

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I was thinking the other day about how I sometimes have a problem with getting started and/or staying with my writing sessions. Quite often I’d blame distractions like the internets or my music library, or having a case of the Don’t Wannas. But after several years of trying to work through all that and getting nowhere, I realized that perhaps I’m looking at it from the wrong angle. So I started thinking: what was it that I did back in the Belfry days in the late 90s/early 00s that made my writing sessions so successful?

Sure, I had the same distractions then as now, but I still managed to work through them. It’s not the drive, then. It’s something else.

And then it occurred to me: I treated my writing sessions like ‘going into the office’ back then. That was the One Simple Trick that helped me approach the sessions with more seriousness. No matter what I did during the day, the session would start at seven pm sharp and often end around nine. A few minutes spent deciding what to listen to, maybe a game or two of FreeCell, but then it was Time To Work. Clock in and do the job until it was time to clock out. Once I established that habit and stuck to it, it worked perfectly for almost four years with almost no issues.

I realized that perhaps the problem these days isn’t so much the drive but the focus. So starting this week, I’ve been trying my hand at reviving that mindset: come 7pm, it’s time to clock in here in Spare Oom. Throw on some music, and get the session started. I’ll allow certain minimal distractions (like visiting cats, for example) but my main focus should always be on the primary writing project. Think of it once more as ‘going into the office’ instead of just the back room.

I’m allowing myself not to be perfect about it, of course. Changes in work schedule, other real life stuff going on, whatever. I’ll even accept that I might be having an off day. As long as I make this process consistent in the long run!

Back to work

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Hey there! Glad to be back again after a refreshing two week break! I did in fact spend most of that time relaxing and winding down from a rather hectic Christmas season at the Day Job, but I did keep myself busy with other things. Email cleaning, errands around the house, premium cat play time, and listening to music. Things like that. And catching up on reading as well! I just finished Peter Ames Carlin’s The Name of This Band is REM, which I truly enjoyed. For a band that influenced my songwriting back in the 80s, I’m surprised I haven’t read more biographies about them!

I returned to working on Theadia about a week ago, getting through the end of one chapter and starting in on a scene that needs heavy revision. I’m still working on that one now — the scene needed a change of POV and a lot more tension as it’s an important turning point in the plot. I think taking a breather from writing work was a good choice, short as it was, because it helped me refocus on what needed my attention the most. Fewer distractions and a renewed drive to keep going!

At this point I’m purposely not thinking about future plans or additional projects, as I think that was another distraction. Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I have to. I’m allowed to focus on one thing, especially when I’m this close to finishing it. If I have a moment and I’m willing to think about, say, MU4 or the Trilogy Remaster, that’s okay too. I’m just not going to fuss or fret over it every single time if I don’t have to.

I’m glad to be back, and I’m looking forward to spending more time writing again!

Ready?

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Image courtesy of Suzume

Am I ready for 2025? I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be, I think. Despite whatever nonsense might come my way, despite whatever drama or world event might unfold, I’m ready for it. I’m not expecting everything to be sunshine and roses, but I certainly don’t want to enter the new year afraid. That’s not who I am anymore.

This past year has been a lot about achieving clarity, but it’s also been about allowances. Allowing myself to do the things I want and need to do, both creatively and personally, with no strings attached. I shouldn’t have to feel the guilt, or the fear, or the dread of the outcome, whether actual or imagined. So I feel that the next year should be about taking those steps of my own free will.

I’ve probably overthought any writing plans I have for the new year, and over the last week or so I’ve been unraveling myself from much of it. Overplanning has been my method of procrastination in the past, and I’ve been unlearning that particular habit recently. What plans I do have: I have Theadia to finish and publish, MU4 to start, and the tenth anniversary edition of A Division of Souls to clean up and prep for release. And that’s pretty much it. Whether I’ll try new projects, or focus on other creative outlets, who knows. If it happens, it happens.

It’s time to be a little fearless.

Coming to an end…

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…and perhaps starting anew, to paraphrase a favorite anime series of mine.

Looking back on 2024, I think I did pretty good considering what life sent my way. It was a bit of a rollercoaster but for the most part I think I handled it a hell of a lot better than I would have in the past. I might still hyperfocus on things now and again, but I no longer do it to such a degree that I might have in the past. Process the emotions and the thoughts and move on. Sometimes force myself to do so out of self-preservation. Find solutions when I need them instead of staring boggle-eyed at the problem or avoiding the conflict it might bring up.

It’s weird feeling this way, because I’ve always wanted to achieve this level of personal Zen but spent far too many years trying too hard to get there. It’s a clarity I’ve long needed and now finally have.

So where to go from here?

Perhaps that’s something to talk about in my final post on Monday…

‘Tis the Season

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I’m rather glad that this year’s Q4 hasn’t been all that stressful. Exhausting, sure, but very low stress despite the fact I work in retail. And yet I’m trying to squeeze blog posting, daily words and work on Theadia these days, but that’s only because I actually have a lot going on! We’ve been busy for the past couple of weekends, and even though I’ve been working mostly days, there’s still some hour variance that leaves me with ample time some days and not enough elsewhere.

And yet I still soldier on somehow. Enjoying the sounds and the moods of the season, chatting with our regular customers, sharing jokes with coworkers, and generally clocking out in a good mood. That’s just fine for me.

Hope everyone has a lovely holiday!

Future inspiration

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A lot of my non-writing things have definitely fallen by the wayside over the years, and I always wish I could return to that. I often complain about that here. And at the end of every year, I make some vague plan to try to do better at it, but never quite follow through. I’ll try for a few days and hit nothing but frustration, and let it go soon after

This year, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that the issue here isn’t quite about being consistent with the whiteboard schedule. I can easily follow that if I put my mind to it; I’ve done it countless times in the past. But sometimes just DO the thing doesn’t quite cut it.

This year I realized that I haven’t been inspired to do it. Think about it: why am I rarely picking up my guitars these days? It’s partly because I’m playing the same damn riffs and bass lines over and over, like I have for the last several years. The last major change I had was when I was doing the Blogging the Beatles and as a side project I taught myself some of their songs, and in the process I learned a few new tricks. But since then I’ll pick it up, play those same songs yet again, then put it down soon after. I’m not trying to be a semi-professional at it like I am with my writing, of course. I just want to expand my repertoire.

The same could be said with my artwork. I do miss doing that a lot, but again: the inspiration is eluding me. It’s been ages since I’ve broken out my pens, pencils and art notebooks, and I think it’s mainly for the same reasons: I keep drawing the same damn things and not trying anything new. Hell, I even miss drawing my maps, but I always end up drawing the same setting over and over!

And let’s be honest, the same could actually be said with my writing as well: I haven’t allowed myself to be inspired to try new fiction projects in a while, either. These last few years have been about finishing the active ones. But with this particular avenue I’ve made some inroads: I’ve been forcing myself to expand my reading habits again. And not just reading more, but leaning heavily on novels that have given me that wonderful I would LOVE to write something like this feeling, which can sometimes be a rare event. And in order to do that, I have to actively look for these books and try them out, whether it’s through trying out a chapter at a bookstore, purchasing them, or borrowing them through Hoopla.

But most importantly, I have to remember this about inspiration: it doesn’t always need to be mind-blowing, heart-moving and earth-shattering. Diwa & Kaffi wasn’t just about me writing a hopepunk story, it was also about me training myself to appreciate the smaller, quieter things in life. Same with me grabbing those Zen-a-Day desk calendars. I must remind myself that it doesn’t always have to resonate so incredibly deep. I swear this comes from being a Gen-X film student in the 90s and soaking in every media outlet that embraced Michael Bay levels of epic action and drama. For years my intake was dialed to 11…and it’s taken me years to unravel myself from that habit. This is precisely why one of my favorite movies of 2023 was Wim Wenders’ meditational Perfect Days, because this was the balance I needed to aim for.

So if anything, if I’m to look for future inspiration, I need to remember to look for the quiet as well as the loud. Whatever resonates the most.

Future plans…?

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First off: Just another quick reminder that it’s that time of the year again! ALL SEVEN of my books are here FOR FREE from now until the end of the year! You know you want ’em!

You can find my books right here at this link!

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So it’s usually about this time that I start blogging philosophical, thinking about what I’ve done this year and what I plan to do during the next. Anything different this time out, then…?

On a personal level, I spent a lot of time giving myself a bit of long-awaited mental and emotional stability, especially after a few personal events early in the year. I put a lot of things to rest and allowed other things to come to the surface. Writingwise I spent a lot of 2024 finishing and releasing Queen Ophelia’s War and focusing on Theadia…and mainly reminding myself that it’s just fine to focus on one or two projects and let any others come when I’m good and ready. The end result is that I felt even more grounded than I’d ever been in years, and that’s all I really asked for.

As for 2025…? Again, writingwise I have three somewhat concrete plans: to release Theadia, to start MU4, and release a “remaster/remix” of A Division of Souls for its tenth anniversary. The former I’m working on as we speak, and I’ll be starting the latter two in earnest come the new year. [I mean, it makes sense for me to work on two projects from the same created universe at the same time, right?]

As for personal…? That’s a very good question. I’m in a good place right now. Sure, I have some ideas I’d like to try out, some personal choices and decisions and whatnot. But I think what’s different this time out is a feeling of trust and confidence. I mean, that’s a big part of what I’d been working on over the last couple of years, and I’m finally at the payoff end of things. So if anything, I think I’m ready for something new. Something I’ve been wanting to do and haven’t given myself time or permission for.

Do I even have a plan? Who knows? We shall see…