Category: Personal

Deep dive

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That’s what I’ve been calling it lately: the process I used when originally writing the Bridgetown Trilogy. And it all started because I felt I hadn’t gone far enough with The Phoenix Effect.

By the time I was writing True Faith in 1995, I felt I at least had gotten the hang of the science fiction genre, and had gotten even further two years later with TPE, but at the same time I knew there was something wrong. There didn’t seem to be any issue with the universe I was creating, and I definitely felt that writing dialogue was one of my stronger creative traits…but it still felt off.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that it was the prose itself.

The problem was that my novel didn’t sound like one. It sounded more like an extremely detailed outline. And that had always been a problem with my work then…I thought I had some really neat ideas, but I was definitely failing in the execution of them. There was plenty of action, but my novel read more like a descriptive ‘A happens, B reacts, C happens, D causes a shift, etc.’ and less of an actual story. I resonated deeply with this tale about underground hackers, spiritual magic and otherworldly kinship…but none of that resonance was coming through at all.

So by 2001 or so, while working on TPE‘s revision and slogging my way through its sequel and getting nowhere, I realized that I needed to do something about it. I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So one afternoon I decided I was going to completely rewrite it. I mean, start from scratch. Tell the whole dang story from Nehalé’s awakening ritual to the end, and do it right.

The only way I knew how to do this at the time was to do a deep dive. Instead of writing in that old outline style, I was going to make damn sure that every single scene resonated with me. It was a bit like method acting, to be honest: become the novel. Figure out why Nehalé did what he did. Understand the actions and reactions of Caren and Poe and everyone else. And don’t just be flippant about it; those actions and reactions were also part of the story, because it was who they were, and the consequences of their actions were also part of it.

By the time I’d gotten about five or six chapters in on this new version, I’d realized I’d only gotten through maybe two chapters of The Phoenix Effect, and this was EXACTLY what I’d been aiming for. So I just kept going, and eventually wrote myself an almost complete trilogy by the spring of 2005.

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I bring this up now for two reasons:

One, after completing and self-publishing the Bridgetown Trilogy, I knew I had more to learn. I could definitely write doorstop epic novels at that point, now I wanted to prove to myself that I could ‘write econo’ (hat tip to The Minutemen, heh), so I started writing much shorter standalones. I’m quite proud of them all, especially Diwa & Kaffi, which I still feel is my best book to date. Even despite the urge to write the fourth book in the Mendaihu Universe, I wanted to stick with shorter works until I felt confident enough.

Two, it was the writing of the still-unfinished Theadia that made me realize that perhaps I was ready to do another one of those deep dives. This is another book I resonate deeply with…and like the trilogy, another book I feel isn’t quite there yet because it too needs a deep dive. Over the course of 2024 I tried the rewrite method, but somehow it still doesn’t feel complete yet. I still haven’t gone deep enough.

Fast forward to January 2025 and I’m focusing on the Trilogy Remaster and also revisiting the several sounds and words that surrounded its original writing, and I’m struck by another resonance that I’d almost forgotten about: this was how deep I’d gone with the trilogy! It had become a part of my life then, socially and creatively, and I loved every minute of it, and that was something that had been missing from my writing life for far too long, even before the revival of the trilogy in 2009.

As I’d mentioned briefly in last week’s blog entry, I feel I’ve come full circle, having learned several things along the way, and now I’m ready to cast the anchor and say this is where I belong. This is the style I love the most, yet it’s a style I haven’t allowed myself to return to. Or more to the point, I’d almost completely forgotten how to get back there in the first place, and it took several things falling perfectly into place for it to return.

Does this mean that my future novels are going to be epic in length? I can’t answer that because other than MU4 and Theadia, I don’t know where my next ideas might come from. But I can safely say that those two projects, at least, will be a return to the deep dive.

Searching for words

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I’ve finally gotten myself into the daily habit of playing a round of playing Squaredle, an online word search game. I’ve always been a sucker for a good word search (I have a few issues of Penny’s Finest Word Seeks on my desk here in Spare Oom) as I find it both distracting in a positive way, and a good use of brain focus, something I’ve been trying to fix for some time.

I’ll be honest, one of the main reasons is because otherwise I find myself doomscrolling on social media during my break times at the day job. I’ll completely admit that I fall way too easily into that trap, and I’ve been needing to escape it for a while now. I tend to hyperfocus on various things and this game is at least something that gets my mind moving and not my blood pressure. I used to do the same thing back during my college years, buying those same word search magazines from the local CVS as a way to dial back the stress of academia. And now that I think about it, those pre-writing session games of FreeCell did the same job of calming my head and helping me properly shift focus.

Whatever works, yeah?

And speaking of searching for words, while working on the Trilogy Remaster I found myself dusting off my copy of Barbara Ann Kipfer’s Flip Dictionary for the first time in ages, a reference book I’d used several times during the writing of the three books. It was an amusing and pleasant reminder of how much I enjoyed going that extra step of trying to find that perfect word that made my prose just that little bit more exciting. I think I used it during the writing of my other books, but not nearly as much as I did the trilogy, and I’m curious as to why. Perhaps I knew what words I needed, but maybe it was also part of my “writing econo” idea I’d had, keeping the prose a bit more simple and less flowery.

I think what I’m trying to get at is that I feel like I’ve been coming full circle lately in terms of writing. I’ve tried all sorts of different formats, lengths, styles and even reference material, and now I feel it’s time for me to return to the ways I love the most.

It’s part of the learning process, I suppose, and I do love the idea of constantly evolving, but I think I’m also at the point where I can safely put down an anchor and say this is where I belong.

Cat breaks

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It’s been… (does math) …about two and a half years since Jules (and soon after Cali) joined our household in October/November 2022, and I for one am still endlessly happy coming home from work to see those two ridiculous cats perking up as I come through the door. [Well, they perk up at any sound that comes from the forbidden hallway, but still.]

Both of them still come into Spare Oom to visit me when I’m at home and have the day off. Cali (she’s the smaller and lighter-colored of the two pictured below) has recently been taking to jumping on my desk and completely blocking my view of my monitors, and Jules (the bigger and darker-colored one) will come in to bat-bat the various things in the room — including my pant leg — in order to get my attention.

These cats, I tell you.

They’re one of the few distractions while I’m writing that I will allow with zero guilt afterwards. Give them some pettins, play with them for a few minutes (their favorite toy at the moment, believe it or not, is a paper bag handle…my coworkers have been supplying me with them for months now at no charge), watch them ekekekekek at the birds outside, follow them into the kitchen to top off their kibble bowls. I’ll be honest, they even lifted my spirits the morning the election was official. That’s how powerful cats are.

I’m still debating whether or not Grizelda the Maine coon will play an important part in the climax of Theadia, but chances are very high that she’ll at least be in the scenes. I wrote a lot of her early scenes well before we adopted these two goofballs, but the revised version of the novel certainly had some help from them!

Not the only one

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Some days I have to actively remind myself that I don’t always have to shoulder every single burden on my own. I’ve been doing pretty good with this at the Day Job, especially since I have an absolutely terrible habit of thinking “I’d better do this because no one else will” when it comes to things that desperately need doing. I don’t have to always be the one to answer the store phone. I can send someone else to do the sweep logs. I can always ask for help if I feel overwhelmed. Some days I forget this and take on far too much, but other days I’ll divvy up the responsibilities equally.

This is also something I need to remember while writing and revising Theadia, considering “I’d better do this because no one else will” is actually a recurring theme in that book. There is a time and place for that kind of thinking, and it can be a great motivator…but at the same time, one really must be aware of their own limitations and ask for help when needed. I’d like to think most of the characters in this novel have gotten pretty good at that, though they’re not perfect. Althea has a habit of reacting loudly and vociferously when something angers her, while Claudia’s reaction to that tends to do the opposite, growing quiet and bottling it up. Over the course of the book they learn that they’re not alone in this rebellion they’ve chosen to kick off, and others in their tight circle are willing to assist without question.

I believe part of this, and this concerns both my novel and my own life, is having finally learned to trust myself to a deeper level. If I trust myself enough to understand my limitations, I can learn to trust others to pick up where I’m unable to continue. And in both writing and life: this gives me the strength and the clarity to think ahead a few extra steps. If I know x is going to happen soon, I’d like to prepare myself for y and z and anything else I expect will arrive in due time.

I’m letting myself rest mentally and emotionally…but I’m also aware of what comes next and how to act. And sometimes that’s the most important thing to remember.

You’re a regular wreck with a crick in your neck

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Sorry for the lack of exciting posts lately. Between having jury duty and having neck pain that doesn’t seem to want to go away (I’m 99% certain it’s from strain), I’m just not firing on all cylinders this week. The former is done and forgotten, and hopefully the latter will disappear soon enough if I do my stretches and work on better posture.

Until then, I’ll see you next week!

Against the grain

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Against the grain
That’s where I’ll stay
Swimming upstream
I maintain against the grain

–Bad Religion

Sure, it might not help me sell a ton of books, but that’s never truly been my writing goal, only a nice dream to have. The fact that I know I have a few hundred copies of my seven novels out there, and that I have a small but loyal following here on my blogs? That’s good enough for me.

I know my work isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t quite fit in to What Sells or What’s Popular. But again, that’s never been my goal. I write what I want, how I want, and when I want. And that is what I’ve wanted.

And maintaining that bit of nonconformity in everyday life is also something worth embracing.

How old is this printer, anyway…?

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While doing my usual Sunday PC cleaning with the usual updates, cleaners and tune-ups, I’ve suddenly learned that my printer is no longer talking with my computer. I’m not sure if it’s a broken driver, screwed up settings due to cats using it as a perch, or just that it’s quite ancient in terms of tech years. I’ve updated all the drivers so it doesn’t seem that’s the issue. The printer seems to be stuck forever on a ‘receiving data’ notification on its tiny LCD screen, even after several reboots. The USB connector also feels kind of loose as well so I’m wondering if the hardware is just worn out.

Which makes me wonder…how old is this printer, anyway? Per this blog’s archive, it’s at least a decade old, having been picked up either in December 2014 or January 2015. It’s seen a lot of use, and it’s served me well. It’s finally time to buy a new one.

It also made me think about how often I do use it these days, and the answer is not all that much. Compared to back in the Belfry days when I’d print out a chapter as soon as I finished it (for offline editing and revision, of course) and once more when I wanted a crisp and clean copy, the only times I print out something here is when I need a mailing label or when A needs something for work. And these days I don’t need to print out a project if I’m ever thinking of submitting it somewhere, when most publishers prefer the digital copy anyway.

The old one is an all-in-one printer/copier/scanner and I find those very useful for various reasons, so that’s what I’m buying again. Tempting though it is to get a color printer, I don’t think I’d have much use for it, so monochrome it is. I might have to remember to turn the thing off when it’s not in use so Certain Cats don’t accidentally screw it up when they step on the LED screen on their way to/from the window. [I should start doing that anyway to save on energy and wear.] Brother aged this old model out years ago of course, so I’ve chosen a similar model that does pretty much offers the same things.

And speaking of scanners, I’m thinking this will give me the impetus to finally digitize my longhand work. I’ve been meaning to do that for years and keep putting it off, but given that I now have more time and inclination, perhaps it’s time. A lot of the longhand stuff is of course my juvenilia, but there’s a lot of trilogy-related stuff out there as well that hasn’t been put into pdf form, including the original rough draft of The Phoenix Effect. There are also printed versions of early works (like True Faith) that I can no longer access as I’d used MS Write for them and WRI files don’t translate to Word all that well. It would actually be kind of fun to pull all of it together so I can revisit it all on my e-reader!

Amusingly enough, the new printer should arrive on or around my birthday on Wednesday, so I’m thinking of this as a present to myself. Here’s to hoping the new one lasts as long as the old one did!

Clocking in

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I was thinking the other day about how I sometimes have a problem with getting started and/or staying with my writing sessions. Quite often I’d blame distractions like the internets or my music library, or having a case of the Don’t Wannas. But after several years of trying to work through all that and getting nowhere, I realized that perhaps I’m looking at it from the wrong angle. So I started thinking: what was it that I did back in the Belfry days in the late 90s/early 00s that made my writing sessions so successful?

Sure, I had the same distractions then as now, but I still managed to work through them. It’s not the drive, then. It’s something else.

And then it occurred to me: I treated my writing sessions like ‘going into the office’ back then. That was the One Simple Trick that helped me approach the sessions with more seriousness. No matter what I did during the day, the session would start at seven pm sharp and often end around nine. A few minutes spent deciding what to listen to, maybe a game or two of FreeCell, but then it was Time To Work. Clock in and do the job until it was time to clock out. Once I established that habit and stuck to it, it worked perfectly for almost four years with almost no issues.

I realized that perhaps the problem these days isn’t so much the drive but the focus. So starting this week, I’ve been trying my hand at reviving that mindset: come 7pm, it’s time to clock in here in Spare Oom. Throw on some music, and get the session started. I’ll allow certain minimal distractions (like visiting cats, for example) but my main focus should always be on the primary writing project. Think of it once more as ‘going into the office’ instead of just the back room.

I’m allowing myself not to be perfect about it, of course. Changes in work schedule, other real life stuff going on, whatever. I’ll even accept that I might be having an off day. As long as I make this process consistent in the long run!

Back to work

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Hey there! Glad to be back again after a refreshing two week break! I did in fact spend most of that time relaxing and winding down from a rather hectic Christmas season at the Day Job, but I did keep myself busy with other things. Email cleaning, errands around the house, premium cat play time, and listening to music. Things like that. And catching up on reading as well! I just finished Peter Ames Carlin’s The Name of This Band is REM, which I truly enjoyed. For a band that influenced my songwriting back in the 80s, I’m surprised I haven’t read more biographies about them!

I returned to working on Theadia about a week ago, getting through the end of one chapter and starting in on a scene that needs heavy revision. I’m still working on that one now — the scene needed a change of POV and a lot more tension as it’s an important turning point in the plot. I think taking a breather from writing work was a good choice, short as it was, because it helped me refocus on what needed my attention the most. Fewer distractions and a renewed drive to keep going!

At this point I’m purposely not thinking about future plans or additional projects, as I think that was another distraction. Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I have to. I’m allowed to focus on one thing, especially when I’m this close to finishing it. If I have a moment and I’m willing to think about, say, MU4 or the Trilogy Remaster, that’s okay too. I’m just not going to fuss or fret over it every single time if I don’t have to.

I’m glad to be back, and I’m looking forward to spending more time writing again!