Category: Personal

Somewhere in between

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I’m kind of in an interstitial space right now creatively, I think. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve stopped performing a lot of the habits I’d had over the last several years in Spare Oom — the whiteboard schedule, the logging of the word count, writing at 750Words, and so on. The main reason I stopped is that I wanted a fresh start here at the New Digs. For the most part it’s been a positive choice as I haven’t felt the stress of not hitting scheduled goals. It’s helped me focus on current projects with more clarity.

Not that I’m complaining, however. I like being here at this time, because it means that I’m breaking away from old habits and yet to forge new ones. I’m allowing myself to try new things and approach current projects in a slightly different way. Perhaps this is why I’m also allowing myself to indulge in a wave of comic reading on Hoopla these last several weeks…I get to try something new, see what inspires me.

I’ll be honest, I do occasionally feel the temptation to fire up the 750Words or do a bit of journaling, but I’ve been responding to that with well, you don’t HAVE to if you don’t really want to. Which, to me, means that if the only reason I want to do any of that is out of a sense of missing it, then I probably shouldn’t waste my time. If I’m going to return to the daily words or the journaling or anything else, I want to have a good creative reason. For the moment, I don’t want to split up my concentration on anything that’s mere folly right now, not when I want to put as much focus as I can on the Theadia project.

I suppose if this stage is anything like the one I had during the Belfry Years, this will (hopefully) mean that a lot of positive creativity will soon come out of it.

Summer sun…?

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It’s been a rather gloomy and overcast summer here in San Francisco, more so than usual. Our summers are usually cool, but at the same time we’re never this fogged in. Unfortunately this also makes A and I feel rather listless and sleepy most of the time, so we make sure we go for a walk every now and again, just to move around.

I have heard that it’s supposed to be much warmer this weekend, so I am dearly hoping that is true. I’ll be doing my usual Friday-Saturday opening shifts, but hopefully by the time Saturday afternoon rolls around it’ll be a lovely day.

This weekend also starts the first of three major concerts going on in Golden Gate Park, which we now live much closer to. This weekend is an anniversary show for Dead & Company (featuring former members of the Grateful Dead), next weekend is Outside Lands, and the weekend after that is a post-OL show of Zach Bryan and Kings of Leon. We’re not going to any of these, but chances are very high that we’ll be able to hear most of it just by opening the living room window. All I ask is that no one parks in front of our garage!

That, and maybe some blue sky. Blue sky would be nice again!

A little night reading

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I know, I know…I really should be catching up with my To Be Read pile at night. It’s not even that big at the moment. Instead, I’ve been turning on my e-reader and reading a bunch of comics and manga on the Hoopla app. Yay for the SF Public Library for carrying a considerably large collection! And on top of all that, I’m working through all twenty-six volumes of Charles Schulz’s The Complete Peanuts (I’m currently on volume 11, the 1971-72 comics).

I figure what I’m doing here is not actually avoiding the TBR pile, but just allowing myself to purely enjoy reading, which I sometimes forget to do. I think part of this is due to having gone through a phase some years back where I just felt burnt out by reading only genre, or only music bio, or whatever, added to the fact that I was trying to reach a goal I’d set on GoodReads.

During all this pleasure reading, it occurred to me that this was what I did back in the Belfry days. I’d been hooked on comic books at the time and simply had to follow the monthly adventures of whatever titles I’d bought (including slogging through the last third of Dave Sim’s Cerebus, and you really need the fortitude and patience to slog through everything past the Flight trade, and especially after Rick’s Story). A lot of it I enjoyed, and a lot of it helped shape the kind of storytelling I enjoy writing. But I was also pushing myself to read comics and books that I wasn’t entirely enjoying. I bought a lot that I simply never got around to reading.

So I’m not too worried about those few titles gathering dust next to the bed, because I’ll get to them eventually. In the meantime I’m checking out things that capture my interest and are an easy and relaxing read. I’m trying out different genres and styles and soaking in the storytelling and the worldbuilding. Sometimes the comic’s a silly slice of life, sometimes it’s a quirky oddball fantasy, sometimes it’s a romance.

And in the end, I’m hoping some of this light night reading will inspire some new ideas!

Keeping track of the days…or not

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I’ve realized that I haven’t been logging my words and creative output in my calendar notebook lately. Not that I got rid of it or don’t have the time for it, simply that I just haven’t thought about it. I’m not all that bothered by it, as I’ve been doing it primarily as a way to see how much I’ve done, and I’m well aware of my own creative output at this point.

But let’s be honest here: over the last couple of years, the entries have been pretty much the same: blog entries written and posted, daily 750Words written, and word count logged when I’ve actually been working on a completely new project. It can be interesting, but it can also be quite distracting and disconcerting, especially whenever I get that time-honored writerly anxiety of feeling like a failure for not getting any work done despite completing multiple things almost every single day.

I started logging those numbers around 2002 when I was writing the trilogy, because I was curious: when I was writing The Phoenix Effect longhand I’d get about five pages done, which would then be transcribed to about two and a half single-space pages typed — basically around five hundred words. By the time I was writing A Division of Souls directly into the PC, I wanted to see how much I could do, and if it was possible for me to write even more words each session. (And to be aware of how often I’d get distracted by various things). Soon I was writing about a thousand words on a nightly basis. I’d finally figured out what was a comfortable word count goal for me.

These days, however, it feels more like a distraction or an assignment than anything fun or helpful. Not that I hate doing it, I just feel as though I don’t need to do it now, at least not until I’m back to working on a completely new project. It’s all a part of my changing creative habits as we continue to settle into the New Digs. In its own way, the continual focus on word count goals and logging project updates had become a distraction itself; my creativity had started feeling more like a chore or an assignment than a joy. I kind of knew somehow that this constant logging was only adding to that stress, but I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to get rid of it just yet.

Again, moving to our new home was a perfect way to cut those ties once and for all. I feel less chained to the keyboard, less stressed out, less inclined to feel guilty if I don’t get a lot of work done. And that, in itself, is one of the creative goals I’ve been trying to reach for some time now.

Walking in San Francisco

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Yes, I know what you’re thinking, regarding my previous post. Walking in this city? Where it really is uphill both ways? Well, that depends on which streets you take. The trick is not just to know multiple ways to get to your destination, but to find the path of least resistance (or least pain, depending on how you look at it). My trip down to Geary Boulevard wasn’t all that bad at all, with only one block of any noticeable incline. If I took the next street over, the hill would be slightly steeper. I had more issues navigating all the construction work they’ve been doing on that street lately.

Yes, this city does have its painful hills that only the strongest, determined or just plain stubbornest would walk at any given time. Nob Hill, for instance. Great views, but definitely not one I’d be walking on the regular. But once you get used to them, they’re actually really great workouts! And that’s what I’m aiming for.

Slowing down and enjoying life

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Okay, so I refuse to say that I’m slowing down because I’m getting old. I mean, I am, and my joints aren’t as flexible and springy as they used to be, but I refuse to use that as an excuse to be lazy.

On the other hand, I’ve been making a concerted effort, especially at the day job, where I’m trying to break a long-standing and terrible habit of trying to do everything at once as fast as I can. It’s fine every now and again, but trying to speed through a very long line of customers will only serve two things: a) I’ll exhaust myself faster, and b) I’m doing at least twice the work all my other coworkers are doing. Do I really need to go through my shift constantly stuck going 70 mph while everyone else is doing a much more sedate 45? Do I have to do it all myself when I can easily ask a coworker to help? I guess what I’m looking for is a bit of a Zen balance here. Do what needs doing when it needs doing, but realize what I don’t have to do everything else as well.

The same thing goes with my writing. I think I’ve finally grown out of the mindset that I must Write All The Things Before It’s Too Late. For the moment I’m adding a little bit at a time to my writing schedule and searching for a comfortable working level. After several weeks off due to moving, I’m back with the blogging, and I’ve been thinking about returning to the 750Words site again. I’ve even switched the notebook in my jacket pocket with a sketch pad, with the idea of just drawing purely for the fun of it when I have a moment. And interestingly enough, I haven’t done any longhand journaling for a couple of months, and I think that’s partly because I just don’t feel like I need to.

That’s one of the key things right there: do it only if you feel the need. Just like the day job, I don’t need to do any daily journaling, or get any specific word count. I just want to focus on the Trilogy Remaster, finish off Theadia, and possibly restart MU4 for the nth time. But I don’t feel an unhealthy need to do it right this second. It’s healthier this way, mentally and physically. Believe me, I know from burnout, and I’m aiming to avoid it from here on in.

And besides, we now live just a block away from one of the most famous city parks in the world, so there is zero reason why I shouldn’t be going outside and enjoying said park every now and again.

Catching up on reading

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For the most part we’ve finally gotten our book collection in one place. It took some time and a frightening amount of purging before the move, but our library is now much more under control, and nearly all within the office.

I’ve got a shortish bookshelf next to the bed that’s holding our romance library and several of my read-then-donate books. As much as it feels weird to get rid of so many books over the course of most of April and May (I counted at least six trips to Goodwill for donation and one to Green Apple for selling), it feels good to have space again.

I’m going to try to be better at the book turnaround, to be honest. I’m fine with thinning out every couple of months or so, but what I should also do is utilize our local library more often! Our neighborhood library is a short bus ride away, and we both use the Hoopla app frequently. So why not save a bit of money and space by going there instead?

Mind you, I’m not quitting buying books cold turkey. Some authors we simply must buy upon release — we just picked up Kate Elliott’s The Witch Roads from Green Apple after preordering it — and some books just aren’t available digitally. Just not going overboard always picking up new titles that I may or may not get around to reading for months on end!

New digs, no whiteboard

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It’s been a couple of weeks now since we’ve moved into the new digs, and things are returning to normal. You’ve probably noticed that the wall behind my monitors are completely bare right now, and I’m actually thinking of keeping it that way for a little while. I’m really embracing the fresh start here.

You’ll notice I don’t have the whiteboard schedule up at all. It’s currently sitting somewhere on the tall black bookshelf (now to the left of my desk, as seen in the picture) alongside the two dollar bulletin board I also haven’t used in a while. Part of the fresh start was to do without the whiteboard for a bit, and I think it’s fair to say I don’t really need it at this point. My blogging schedule hasn’t changed over multiple years and I’m just that type of slightly-overprepared person where it’s cemented in my mind now.

In retrospect, I think this was part of what I needed most out of this fresh start: a true tabula rasa. It wasn’t enough to just wipe the whiteboard clean, I had to take it down and put it away. I couldn’t really try out new processes when I had the ghosts of the old ones still kicking around and looming over me. And besides, I have other real life responsibilities to take care of, now that we’re new homeowners. Non-writing errands that need doing. Cleaning and arranging to do. Cats that need pettins. Things like that. Mind you, writing time is still extremely important and I try to carve out at least an hour or so every day.

A lot of this includes some brain rewiring for me, and while I’m open-minded enough for that, it’s still a strange experience. But I’m excited to see where this leads.

Current status…getting there

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It’s been a week and change at the new place and we’ve settled in for the most part, adjusting and rearranging where necessary. The cats took the change in location pretty well, I think partly because we constantly change things up for them to keep things interesting for them. They particularly love the front stairway, because a) it echoes and b) they love going down and running back up! It’s going to be a while before it really sinks in that this is our new home now, but I’m enjoying it so far.

I’m back at the PC and working on the Trilogy Remaster project, and hope to find more time to work on Theadia when and where I can. As always, I’ll try to keep up with the blogging but I’m not going to worry too much if I don’t get around to an entry or two during the week. My longhand writing work is now hanging out in the garage, safely in one of the plastic storage tubs on the new shelves for easy access.

Still, it feels great to be back to work with the writing!

A fresh start

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It’s been a couple of days since we settled into our new place, with nearly everything unpacked and put away. We’re still organizing as we go of course, but for the most part it’s all where it needs to be or at least close by. And both cats have been monitoring and supervising every step of the way.

I made the decision early on to keep a lot of my stuff down in the garage storage until further notice so as to not crowd everything in our now-shared office. This means that most of my notebooks, early writings, journals, and so on are down there, still easy to access but locked away. It occurred to me that I don’t need them immediately. Not to worry, they’re in closed plastic bins and out of harm’s way. [And besides, my juvenilia has definitely seen worse storage times.] Whenever I finally get around to restarting the scanning project, they’ll be ready to go.

In the midst of all this, I realized that this gives me the opportunity for a completely fresh start here in the new office. When you’re living in the same place for over fifteen years, it’s kind of hard to go cold turkey on some of the habits and processes you’ve become so used to. So instead of trying to find where I left off with all of that journaling and longhand writing and so on, I’m just going to start a new moleskine notebook. Spend a little more time just enjoying listening to music instead of obsessively collecting and organizing it. Pick up those art supplies and have some fun during downtime. And most importantly, instead of finding a place to put up my whiteboard schedule (and not wanting to damage these pristine walls on day one), I’m just going to try my hand at working without one.

This doesn’t mean abandoning my two current projects, of course. I’ll need to pick up where I left off with the Trilogy Remaster, and I still need to finish off Theadia and start in on its revision and eventual publication. Those two have been at the front of my mind ever since we started this whole moving house chaos two months ago. Give me a day or so and I should be back on track!

Do I know where I’m going to go from here? Not entirely…but I’d like to think that’s a good thing. I’ve given myself a clean slate as it were, and I definitely need to allow myself to experience those more often.