Tag: writing

Getting there

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Unfortunately I’m at the ‘Oh god this sucks why did I even write this drivel’ point in Queen Ophelia’s War, and I’m doing my best to ignore those lingering doubts. I know the reasons why I’m feeling that way, and it’s not because it is drivel…it’s because I’m twitching to get that rewrite of Theadia started. I just want to quit this project and jump into the next one.

So basically I’m tempering myself with a bit of patience and stubborn will to get this novel done first before I dedicate the bulk of my time to that one. [There’s also the fact that I really want to write the romcom as well, but I’ll get to that one soon enough. There’s less impatience felt in getting that one started.] Besides, I’m into Act III now, which means that I’m right on schedule and should hopefully be done by the end of the month.

I always seem to hit this point when I reach the final third of my projects, to be honest. I just want it done! And I’m quite sure there are other writers who feel the same way. All I need to do is see it through to the end and release it out into the world when I’m done.

I’m getting there…I just need to be patient.

here we go again

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So the other day while I was at work, I’d started playing around with ideas for Theadia, and I started thinking: well, as much as I love it, I still feel I’ve left a lot out. Too many moments where important things happen but only seen from one person’s oblique points of view. Conflict with muted payoff. Too many actions that lack the backstory other than “…then this happens but no one yet knows why” that deserve a much deeper examination. In other words, it’s great, but it certainly could be a whole lot better. And I want to put in that extra work to make it the best.

In other words, this is exactly what I’d done when I’d rewritten The Phoenix Effect as the Bridgetown Trilogy. It went from something that was good and I’d turned it into something great that I’m proud of.

In other words, Theadia may end up another large-scale, extended-cast trilogy if I play my cards right.

Sure, I still need to finish off Queen Ophelia’s War first — I think I’m about two thirds of the way there, so I’m on schedule for that one — but I’m already starting to do the pre-writing paperwork for Theadia now. Extended storylines and subplots for certain characters. I may not know how to successfully write a space opera, let alone write characters that serve part of a military role, but I already know that this one isn’t going to be a dense war-in-space story, and nor is it going to be a uber-savvy tech-nerd story either. It’s its own thing in its own reality, just like the Mendaihu Universe. And I think I’ve gotten pretty good at creating that kind of thing. And those are the things I love writing.

Will this end in tears? Who knows. But I’m willing to put in the work.

Catching Up

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I knew that aside from the expected family gatherings and whatnot over this past weekend, I’d have a lot of time to myself at the hotel I was staying at, so I brought my trusty Lenovo laptop with me. My plan was to hole up and get some serious editing and revision done on Queen Ophelia’s War during that time, and I did in fact get several chapters done in the span of just a few days! Not only that, I was able to bash out a few hundred words for my romcom idea. Hell, I even had a few hours to kill at Logan before my flight back west, so I got some revision work done there as well!

Allowing myself to spend an extended amount of time was something I’d needed, and something I hadn’t been able to do all that often since I started at the Current Day Job. I can do it on my days off, but even then I’m sharing that time with other non-writing things I need to catch up on so the time spent isn’t nearly as long. But hey, that’s something I’ve been trying to adjust! I feel like I’m back on schedule, and that’s where I needed to be in order to make that happen.

Life has returned back to normal now and it’s the start of a new month, so this is the perfect time for me to plan ahead — to do a bit of proactive time management for my creative outlets and life adjustment to get rid of unwanted distractions. I’m still on schedule to get Queen Ophelia’s War out within the next few months.

Breaking out of the comfort zone

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(image courtesy of Bocchi the Rock)

I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to push myself out of that comfort zone I’d been in for years. Why was I even there in the first place? Was it about trust? Self-trust? Embarrassment? Worry? One or many of these things? Well. Most of it’s all gone now, at any rate. All I had to do was free myself from the self-imposed chains.

I think the last time I felt this way was when I’d started The Phoenix Effect back in 1997. A new part of my life had started and the road was relatively clear. It was a choice to say yeah, let’s get this writing career started. I can do this, and stick to it. But let’s face it, I hadn’t really adjusted all that much since then. Sure, I had the confidence to self-publish and all that backstage nonsense that goes along with it. But there had to be more. I knew I was holding back.

This is where I feel I’m at now. Pushing myself out of a comfort zone once again, not quite sure where it’ll take me…but trusting myself enough to know what I’m doing. Time to take more chances and look past the boundaries. Knowing I have people who’ll have my back. And knowing how to move forward with minimal blind flailing.

A lot of this will be new to me, but I’m ready for it. And I’m willing to learn.

…I’ll get back to that later.

Jon ChaissonLeave a comment

I’m still a little bit concerned about a certain scene near the beginning of Queen Ophelia’s War, but I’ve come to the conclusion that, like that one missing chapter I had in Diwa & Kaffi, I’ll put it aside and fix it later. I need to catch up on the rest of the novel, and focusing on this one issue was just wasting my time. [For the record, it’s nothing major, and the scene for the most part is written. It’s just that I haven’t decided if it works and I should adjust the later continuity, or if I should change it to fit the same.]

I very rarely went the ‘I’ll fix it later’ route in the past, but I’ve come around to it over the last few projects, especially considering that I feel more confident with my writing. I find it’s a bit of a healthier way to look at life in general, really…things might not be perfect, but if I can fix everything around it, then that’ll make coming back to this big problem that much easier. And I’m pretty good at remembering the points that need the most work and coming back to them at a later time. This one could go either way, really…I always leave a little bit of leeway in my stories so that fixing this sort of issue doesn’t become a major rehaul. I’ll know by the end of this revision round whether or not I truly need to make the fix.

I’m allowed to make mistakes…

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…but I’m not allowed to see every mistake as a failure.

Writing a scene that ultimately does not work for the novel is not a failure. Dealing with inconsistencies and continuity errors is not a failure. Sometimes writing is rewriting and revising and trying a different tack. I’m allowed to be worried that my project is still a mess that needs a lot of work, but it’s not a failure if I’m willing to do that work to make it better, no matter how long it takes.

Putting a novel project aside for a while with the possibility of it being trunked is not a failure. Sometimes the end result is simply not what I’d hoped it would be, knowing that I could do so much better. Or maybe that I’ve just lost interest in the idea now that I’ve let it percolate for a while.

Hitting only a few dozen words a day instead of a few hundred, or even a few thousand, is not a failure — nor is it a mistake. Not giving myself enough time to write every now and again is not a failure. Distraction and wasting time is not a failure, but an issue that can be fixed if I put my mind to it.

I’m willing to make mistakes. Failure, at least for me, is not even trying in the first place.

End of year review – future inspiration

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[Image courtesy of Saekano]

If there’s one thing that always worries me about writer’s block, it’s that I’m terrified that I’ll lose interest and nothing will inspire me to write. Outside inspiration has often been a big driver for me: coming up with In My Blue World while listening to ELO, Meet the Lidwells! from reading a ton of music biographies, and so on. But sometimes I’ll go through a spell of nothing quite resonating with me, and I always find that worrying. It’s like I want to write, but I don’t know what to write about.

I mean, it’s not as if something has to completely inspire me, far from it. But the issue, I think, is that it would often tie in with my state of mind at that moment. I’ve had low points in my life where I just stopped writing for months at a time. I’ve had busy points in my life where I just didn’t have the time. I’ve had rebounds where I was ready to write again yet had to relearn how to do it to my own satisfaction.

In writing Diwa & Kaffi, however, I realized that waiting for inspiration to strike might be good if you’re surrounded by that well, but sometimes you just have to push through and find it for yourself. Allow yourself to latch onto something unexpected. Stretch out and get out of your comfort zone a bit and see what resonates. I never thought I’d write a space opera but here we are with a nearly-complete story entitled Theadia. I never thought I’d write a romcom but that seems to be on the docket for 2024.

And that’s what I’m planning to do in the new year: go some place I haven’t been before, just to see what happens.

Year End Review – positives

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[Picture source: Neon Stargzing by Zerahoc from DeviantArt]

Yes, even despite my newish PC being out of commission for a bit, things have been good here in Spare Oom and elsewhere. I’ve used this time to detox for a little bit; shutting things down, taking a breather, whatever it takes to be where I need to be.

I’ve received notice from Lenovo that said PC has been fixed and will be on its way back to me with a projected return of Just Before Christmas.

I’ve initiated the eventual closedown of my Twitter account (I won’t deactivate, but will merely have it in lockdown with the occasional ‘you can find me elsewhere’ post) and have started showing up on Threads and BlueSky with the commitment to being more vigilant about curating my feeds.

I haven’t obsessed over my music library — including these last few New Release Fridays — with the reminder that they’ll still be there when I get my PC back, and I don’t necessarily have to have it on drop date.

I’m still sliding into a few old distractions, but I’m doing so willingly, whether it’s watching a few goofy videos on YouTube or whatever, but I’m backing away at the first twitch of okay, that’s enough, time to get back to work. And that length of time is so much shorter than it used to be.

I’m actively not reading the internets during breaks at work, instead writing notes in a small notebook I carry around, or working through a few games in the crossword puzzle magazine I’d bought recently.

Today I tried an outtake of my future project Sheila Take a Bow that came out a hell of a lot better than I’d expected it to, so I don’t feel as tense about starting that at 750Words come the new year.

I’ve also chosen to to do a ‘soft restart’ of Queen Ophelia’s War because it’s better to attack these problem spots now instead of down the line, that way I’ll have less to worry about in the near future once it’s done and ready to see release.

So yeah, I’d like to think that things are positive for me right now while getting ready for 2024, so I’m happy about that.

Year End Review – Distractions and Detachments

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As mentioned over at Walk in Silence, plans have gone just a bit awry this week due to multiple unexpected PC issues, thus sending the new one to the shop and the old one out of closet storage for temporary work. I’m finally catching up on writing work, though access to my music library isn’t all that doable right now. I’m just going to wait until the new PC returns.

Which got me thinking about what’s been bothering me this year: distractions. I’ve been too easily distracted in various parts of my daily life despite my wanting to avoid them. Staring at my phone during work breaks and elsewhere. Carrying around a small notebook to write some of my thoughts I may have but forgetting to do so. Pulling the usual ‘I’ll do it after I finish looking at this for a few minutes’ which invariably wastes a good half hour. Making life choices but putting them off for one reason or another.

I mean, I’m not trying to be one of those crunch-obsessed people that always has to be working every single waking moment, far from it. I’m totally fine with taking time off for fun things and enjoying life in various ways. I’m just tired of being passive and distracted, is all.

Which lends to the other half of this blog title: detachments.

Things I don’t want to do anymore. Things I don’t want anymore. Things I don’t need to be anymore. Letting go of what no longer works and moving on to something new. And right now I know what new directions I’d like to go in. This is about my writing, but it’s also about the personal as well. Life changes are always exciting and terrifying in equal measure to me, because I love the idea of trying out new things on my own and I’m also afraid of completely fucking it all up if it doesn’t work. But if I’ve learned anything in 2023, it’s that I’ve made my peace with some extremely personal things in my past, enough that I have the strength and the will to leave them behind now. To detach from that part of my life once and for all and look forward.

The one thing that’s kept me from doing so in the past is self-made distractions. It’s getting that dopamine rush of playing with my music collection or watching dumb videos on YouTube or reading the latest dumbass thing on social media. Deciding to make needed changes in my life but never getting around to the follow through. I hate that I’ve always been passive about it and yet I do it anyway because of that small rush, and then I feel frustrated for wasting time afterwards. And if I’m going to succeed in stopping those distractions and excuses, I need to detach.

And I’m now at a point where I’m strong enough to do that. And I’ve already started stepping towards that goal.

It’s time to say goodbye to parts of my old passive life once and for all, and embrace the new.

Even if it is terrifying.

Year End Review – Where I’m Going

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So. Do I have anything big planned for 2024? Good question.

If you’re talking about writing, sure. I’m hoping to get Queen Ophelia’s War finished and ready for mid-year release, as I’ve mentioned previously. And maybe Theadia as well a little bit later, if I get it prepared in time.

But what about personal things?

I’d mentioned very briefly here that one of my new resolutions is to Slow the F*** Down. Part of this is related to the Day Job, in which I’d fallen into the same damn habit I’d always had with most of my day jobs over the years: always trying to finish everything as quickly as possible. And in this case, considering that I’m back in retail, it meant being a fast checker, helping out as many people as possible, and always stressing out when the lines were long. I fell into the trap of thinking I’d better do it because no one else will, and I’d end up just making more work for myself in the process. I’d finally admitted that maybe I don’t need to be like that, considering nearly everyone else I work with goes at their own (often much slower) speed. Doing this all the time only led to exhaustion and certain managers wondering why I would seem overwhelmed.

I’ve since chosen to Slow the F*** Down at the Day Job, and I’m feeling a lot happier about it. I’ve adjusted responsibilities somewhat and admitted there are times when I should ask for help. I’ve found that there are situations that are Not My Problem. And I’ve admitted there are times when I’m just making more work for myself, whether by overthinking it or giving myself overly high expectations. In the process, I’ve learned to shift certain responsibilities to others when needed, and understanding that, unlike the Former Day Job, there isn’t an OMFGNOW deadline.

I suppose there’s more to it than just the Day Job and the Writing Career going on here, but I don’t have the words for it just yet as I’m still trying to get it straight in my own head. There is indeed a bit of final rewiring of thoughts and emotions going on lately, and that in itself has been a long-game process over the last couple of years that I think is finally coming to a close. A lot of it is about self-confidence and self-trust, but it’s also about reining in those overly high expectations that I’d just mentioned.

So if anything, I think 2024 is going to be about Where I’m Going and Where I’ll Be.