Current status…getting there

It’s been a week and change at the new place and we’ve settled in for the most part, adjusting and rearranging where necessary. The cats took the change in location pretty well, I think partly because we constantly change things up for them to keep things interesting for them. They particularly love the front stairway, because a) it echoes and b) they love going down and running back up! It’s going to be a while before it really sinks in that this is our new home now, but I’m enjoying it so far.

I’m back at the PC and working on the Trilogy Remaster project, and hope to find more time to work on Theadia when and where I can. As always, I’ll try to keep up with the blogging but I’m not going to worry too much if I don’t get around to an entry or two during the week. My longhand writing work is now hanging out in the garage, safely in one of the plastic storage tubs on the new shelves for easy access.

Still, it feels great to be back to work with the writing!

A fresh start

It’s been a couple of days since we settled into our new place, with nearly everything unpacked and put away. We’re still organizing as we go of course, but for the most part it’s all where it needs to be or at least close by. And both cats have been monitoring and supervising every step of the way.

I made the decision early on to keep a lot of my stuff down in the garage storage until further notice so as to not crowd everything in our now-shared office. This means that most of my notebooks, early writings, journals, and so on are down there, still easy to access but locked away. It occurred to me that I don’t need them immediately. Not to worry, they’re in closed plastic bins and out of harm’s way. [And besides, my juvenilia has definitely seen worse storage times.] Whenever I finally get around to restarting the scanning project, they’ll be ready to go.

In the midst of all this, I realized that this gives me the opportunity for a completely fresh start here in the new office. When you’re living in the same place for over fifteen years, it’s kind of hard to go cold turkey on some of the habits and processes you’ve become so used to. So instead of trying to find where I left off with all of that journaling and longhand writing and so on, I’m just going to start a new moleskine notebook. Spend a little more time just enjoying listening to music instead of obsessively collecting and organizing it. Pick up those art supplies and have some fun during downtime. And most importantly, instead of finding a place to put up my whiteboard schedule (and not wanting to damage these pristine walls on day one), I’m just going to try my hand at working without one.

This doesn’t mean abandoning my two current projects, of course. I’ll need to pick up where I left off with the Trilogy Remaster, and I still need to finish off Theadia and start in on its revision and eventual publication. Those two have been at the front of my mind ever since we started this whole moving house chaos two months ago. Give me a day or so and I should be back on track!

Do I know where I’m going to go from here? Not entirely…but I’d like to think that’s a good thing. I’ve given myself a clean slate as it were, and I definitely need to allow myself to experience those more often.

Deep dive

That’s what I’ve been calling it lately: the process I used when originally writing the Bridgetown Trilogy. And it all started because I felt I hadn’t gone far enough with The Phoenix Effect.

By the time I was writing True Faith in 1995, I felt I at least had gotten the hang of the science fiction genre, and had gotten even further two years later with TPE, but at the same time I knew there was something wrong. There didn’t seem to be any issue with the universe I was creating, and I definitely felt that writing dialogue was one of my stronger creative traits…but it still felt off.

It didn’t take me long to figure out that it was the prose itself.

The problem was that my novel didn’t sound like one. It sounded more like an extremely detailed outline. And that had always been a problem with my work then…I thought I had some really neat ideas, but I was definitely failing in the execution of them. There was plenty of action, but my novel read more like a descriptive ‘A happens, B reacts, C happens, D causes a shift, etc.’ and less of an actual story. I resonated deeply with this tale about underground hackers, spiritual magic and otherworldly kinship…but none of that resonance was coming through at all.

So by 2001 or so, while working on TPE‘s revision and slogging my way through its sequel and getting nowhere, I realized that I needed to do something about it. I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So one afternoon I decided I was going to completely rewrite it. I mean, start from scratch. Tell the whole dang story from Nehalé’s awakening ritual to the end, and do it right.

The only way I knew how to do this at the time was to do a deep dive. Instead of writing in that old outline style, I was going to make damn sure that every single scene resonated with me. It was a bit like method acting, to be honest: become the novel. Figure out why Nehalé did what he did. Understand the actions and reactions of Caren and Poe and everyone else. And don’t just be flippant about it; those actions and reactions were also part of the story, because it was who they were, and the consequences of their actions were also part of it.

By the time I’d gotten about five or six chapters in on this new version, I’d realized I’d only gotten through maybe two chapters of The Phoenix Effect, and this was EXACTLY what I’d been aiming for. So I just kept going, and eventually wrote myself an almost complete trilogy by the spring of 2005.

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I bring this up now for two reasons:

One, after completing and self-publishing the Bridgetown Trilogy, I knew I had more to learn. I could definitely write doorstop epic novels at that point, now I wanted to prove to myself that I could ‘write econo’ (hat tip to The Minutemen, heh), so I started writing much shorter standalones. I’m quite proud of them all, especially Diwa & Kaffi, which I still feel is my best book to date. Even despite the urge to write the fourth book in the Mendaihu Universe, I wanted to stick with shorter works until I felt confident enough.

Two, it was the writing of the still-unfinished Theadia that made me realize that perhaps I was ready to do another one of those deep dives. This is another book I resonate deeply with…and like the trilogy, another book I feel isn’t quite there yet because it too needs a deep dive. Over the course of 2024 I tried the rewrite method, but somehow it still doesn’t feel complete yet. I still haven’t gone deep enough.

Fast forward to January 2025 and I’m focusing on the Trilogy Remaster and also revisiting the several sounds and words that surrounded its original writing, and I’m struck by another resonance that I’d almost forgotten about: this was how deep I’d gone with the trilogy! It had become a part of my life then, socially and creatively, and I loved every minute of it, and that was something that had been missing from my writing life for far too long, even before the revival of the trilogy in 2009.

As I’d mentioned briefly in last week’s blog entry, I feel I’ve come full circle, having learned several things along the way, and now I’m ready to cast the anchor and say this is where I belong. This is the style I love the most, yet it’s a style I haven’t allowed myself to return to. Or more to the point, I’d almost completely forgotten how to get back there in the first place, and it took several things falling perfectly into place for it to return.

Does this mean that my future novels are going to be epic in length? I can’t answer that because other than MU4 and Theadia, I don’t know where my next ideas might come from. But I can safely say that those two projects, at least, will be a return to the deep dive.

Cat breaks

It’s been… (does math) …about two and a half years since Jules (and soon after Cali) joined our household in October/November 2022, and I for one am still endlessly happy coming home from work to see those two ridiculous cats perking up as I come through the door. [Well, they perk up at any sound that comes from the forbidden hallway, but still.]

Both of them still come into Spare Oom to visit me when I’m at home and have the day off. Cali (she’s the smaller and lighter-colored of the two pictured below) has recently been taking to jumping on my desk and completely blocking my view of my monitors, and Jules (the bigger and darker-colored one) will come in to bat-bat the various things in the room — including my pant leg — in order to get my attention.

These cats, I tell you.

They’re one of the few distractions while I’m writing that I will allow with zero guilt afterwards. Give them some pettins, play with them for a few minutes (their favorite toy at the moment, believe it or not, is a paper bag handle…my coworkers have been supplying me with them for months now at no charge), watch them ekekekekek at the birds outside, follow them into the kitchen to top off their kibble bowls. I’ll be honest, they even lifted my spirits the morning the election was official. That’s how powerful cats are.

I’m still debating whether or not Grizelda the Maine coon will play an important part in the climax of Theadia, but chances are very high that she’ll at least be in the scenes. I wrote a lot of her early scenes well before we adopted these two goofballs, but the revised version of the novel certainly had some help from them!

Not the only one

Some days I have to actively remind myself that I don’t always have to shoulder every single burden on my own. I’ve been doing pretty good with this at the Day Job, especially since I have an absolutely terrible habit of thinking “I’d better do this because no one else will” when it comes to things that desperately need doing. I don’t have to always be the one to answer the store phone. I can send someone else to do the sweep logs. I can always ask for help if I feel overwhelmed. Some days I forget this and take on far too much, but other days I’ll divvy up the responsibilities equally.

This is also something I need to remember while writing and revising Theadia, considering “I’d better do this because no one else will” is actually a recurring theme in that book. There is a time and place for that kind of thinking, and it can be a great motivator…but at the same time, one really must be aware of their own limitations and ask for help when needed. I’d like to think most of the characters in this novel have gotten pretty good at that, though they’re not perfect. Althea has a habit of reacting loudly and vociferously when something angers her, while Claudia’s reaction to that tends to do the opposite, growing quiet and bottling it up. Over the course of the book they learn that they’re not alone in this rebellion they’ve chosen to kick off, and others in their tight circle are willing to assist without question.

I believe part of this, and this concerns both my novel and my own life, is having finally learned to trust myself to a deeper level. If I trust myself enough to understand my limitations, I can learn to trust others to pick up where I’m unable to continue. And in both writing and life: this gives me the strength and the clarity to think ahead a few extra steps. If I know x is going to happen soon, I’d like to prepare myself for y and z and anything else I expect will arrive in due time.

I’m letting myself rest mentally and emotionally…but I’m also aware of what comes next and how to act. And sometimes that’s the most important thing to remember.

Keeping deadlines and rethinking priorities

It’s not Theadia I’m worried about, actually. It’s A Division of Souls. Against my better judgement, I’m going to try to get the “remastered” version of my first novel ready for an early September release for its tenth anniversary. That gives me about nine months to get my butt in gear and get it done. Can I do it?

Well, I’m reasonably sure I can do it, at any rate. It’s not as if I’m completely rewriting the whole thing! As I’ve mentioned before, this revision that I’m calling a ‘remaster’ is merely updating a story I’ve spent several years on, and want to update it so it fits my current level of quality. I’m not embarrassed by it, but I can definitely see places where I could have done a lot better work on it.

At the same time, I worry that Theadia will fall by the wayside again. That won’t happen if I don’t let it, of course. I just have to shift priorities. Besides, I want to do that novel justice, and right now it still feels like it still contains a lot of gaps that need filling. [I mean, aside from its still being unfinished at this time.] The two projects are very similar in scope, I think. Both are Big Stories with an extended cast, featuring events that affect not just the main characters but everyone around them.

Both are also stories where I wanted to make some kind of statement. The Bridgetown Trilogy is about listening to and trusting the true spirit within — in short, trusting yourself, your instincts, and your emotions. Theadia is about wanting to do the right thing not only for your own benefit but for others — in short, understanding the consequences of your actions. And I feel that for both statements, I can’t really allow the stories to be half-assed.

This is definitely going to stress me out a bit in the next few months, but if I take it day by day, keep to my deadlines and stay focused, I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Back to work

Hey there! Glad to be back again after a refreshing two week break! I did in fact spend most of that time relaxing and winding down from a rather hectic Christmas season at the Day Job, but I did keep myself busy with other things. Email cleaning, errands around the house, premium cat play time, and listening to music. Things like that. And catching up on reading as well! I just finished Peter Ames Carlin’s The Name of This Band is REM, which I truly enjoyed. For a band that influenced my songwriting back in the 80s, I’m surprised I haven’t read more biographies about them!

I returned to working on Theadia about a week ago, getting through the end of one chapter and starting in on a scene that needs heavy revision. I’m still working on that one now — the scene needed a change of POV and a lot more tension as it’s an important turning point in the plot. I think taking a breather from writing work was a good choice, short as it was, because it helped me refocus on what needed my attention the most. Fewer distractions and a renewed drive to keep going!

At this point I’m purposely not thinking about future plans or additional projects, as I think that was another distraction. Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I have to. I’m allowed to focus on one thing, especially when I’m this close to finishing it. If I have a moment and I’m willing to think about, say, MU4 or the Trilogy Remaster, that’s okay too. I’m just not going to fuss or fret over it every single time if I don’t have to.

I’m glad to be back, and I’m looking forward to spending more time writing again!

Ready?

Image courtesy of Suzume

Am I ready for 2025? I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be, I think. Despite whatever nonsense might come my way, despite whatever drama or world event might unfold, I’m ready for it. I’m not expecting everything to be sunshine and roses, but I certainly don’t want to enter the new year afraid. That’s not who I am anymore.

This past year has been a lot about achieving clarity, but it’s also been about allowances. Allowing myself to do the things I want and need to do, both creatively and personally, with no strings attached. I shouldn’t have to feel the guilt, or the fear, or the dread of the outcome, whether actual or imagined. So I feel that the next year should be about taking those steps of my own free will.

I’ve probably overthought any writing plans I have for the new year, and over the last week or so I’ve been unraveling myself from much of it. Overplanning has been my method of procrastination in the past, and I’ve been unlearning that particular habit recently. What plans I do have: I have Theadia to finish and publish, MU4 to start, and the tenth anniversary edition of A Division of Souls to clean up and prep for release. And that’s pretty much it. Whether I’ll try new projects, or focus on other creative outlets, who knows. If it happens, it happens.

It’s time to be a little fearless.

Future plans…?

First off: Just another quick reminder that it’s that time of the year again! ALL SEVEN of my books are here FOR FREE from now until the end of the year! You know you want ’em!

You can find my books right here at this link!

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So it’s usually about this time that I start blogging philosophical, thinking about what I’ve done this year and what I plan to do during the next. Anything different this time out, then…?

On a personal level, I spent a lot of time giving myself a bit of long-awaited mental and emotional stability, especially after a few personal events early in the year. I put a lot of things to rest and allowed other things to come to the surface. Writingwise I spent a lot of 2024 finishing and releasing Queen Ophelia’s War and focusing on Theadia…and mainly reminding myself that it’s just fine to focus on one or two projects and let any others come when I’m good and ready. The end result is that I felt even more grounded than I’d ever been in years, and that’s all I really asked for.

As for 2025…? Again, writingwise I have three somewhat concrete plans: to release Theadia, to start MU4, and release a “remaster/remix” of A Division of Souls for its tenth anniversary. The former I’m working on as we speak, and I’ll be starting the latter two in earnest come the new year. [I mean, it makes sense for me to work on two projects from the same created universe at the same time, right?]

As for personal…? That’s a very good question. I’m in a good place right now. Sure, I have some ideas I’d like to try out, some personal choices and decisions and whatnot. But I think what’s different this time out is a feeling of trust and confidence. I mean, that’s a big part of what I’d been working on over the last couple of years, and I’m finally at the payoff end of things. So if anything, I think I’m ready for something new. Something I’ve been wanting to do and haven’t given myself time or permission for.

Do I even have a plan? Who knows? We shall see…

Post-Thanksgiving Wind-Down

Winding down, you ask? When the Christmas season is kicking into high gear? Well, yes. It might be crazy busy at the Day Job, but on a personal level, it’s time for me to wrap things up, take stock in the year to date, and think about what I’m going to do the following year. And it’s certainly been a bit of a strange year for me for varying reasons. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it’s definitely made me rethink a lot of things.

In working on this hopefully successful draft of Theadia, lately I’ve been comparing it to the days when I’d first started the project, way back in early 2020. Comparing the toxic-level stress I’d felt at the Former Day Job with the temporary exhaustion but shockingly minimal stress I feel at the current one. The managers I had then and the customers I worked with at the time versus the ones I have now. Two completely different lives. And those two years spent unemployed and working on a long overdue rewiring of my brain. All of that has definitely influenced my writing in certain ways.

I no longer worry about running out of ideas like I did then. Sometimes the stories come to me with unexpected inspiration — like Queen Ophelia’s War — and sometimes they’re something I have to actively work out from a much smaller piece of an idea. I very rarely try to force myself to write something new. I still need to relearn how to use my writing as something fun that I could work on at the 750Words site, but that’s something I’ll plan out in the new year.

In the meantime, I’ll be spending the next month taking stock in what I’ve done this year, continuing with the Theadia project, and deciding what I’ll be working on next.