Into the bin it goes

Looks like my plan to expand on a few scenes in Theadia isn’t working out as well as I thought. Truth be told, I’m not too bothered by it because it kind of felt more like an experiment than a well thought-out plan. I’m still inserting a few new chapters here and there, but I’m dialing most of it back. Why? Well, sometimes I just have to go with my instinct of something doesn’t feel right to me. The more I inserted, the more it felt like the wrong way to go. Simple as that.

I’ve gotten used to this kind of editing over the years, which means that I’m less worried about having wasted time and spoons trying to make it work. It is what it is, and I can always insert it in abbreviated form somewhere else if the information is important enough. [There is also the fact that the novel is a bit over 180k words and still not complete, so keeping it reined in is probably for the best.]

Editing and revising as I go has been part of the overall process for me for ages now. In fact, I prefer that style because it keeps me from writing too many rambling scenes that don’t lead anywhere. It also makes the whole process go by faster, in that it gives me a clearer vision of where the story should lead, as well as what early scenes need fixing or replacing. This has also helped me let go of scenes (and projects!) that need to be put in the bin.

That said, this does clear up my schedule for 2026 a bit, which is a plus!

Almost six years…?

Has it really been almost six years I’ve been working on Theadia…? More to the point, how is it that I’m not freaked out that I’m still working on this one project and NOT feeling like a failure for taking so dang long?

To be honest, however, I think it comes with maturity and patience. The obvious reason I was able to turn around my last few novels so quickly was that it was actually a two-year, two-project schedule: one written while working on the editing and release of another. [It also helped that those novels were not epic projects like the Bridgetown Trilogy or Theadia, but shorter stories that didn’t need several hours of prep, work and so on.] Still, I’m glad to say I’m on the back end of this one and I hope to get it out to y’all on the back half of this year.

It’s interesting, though, comparing it to the time I spent working on the Mendaihu Universe. Back during the Belfry days I purposely didn’t give myself a set deadline because I knew this trilogy would be done when it got done. On the one hand I did kind of feel like I was lagging behind every other writer my age out there who was already seeing their works in print, but on the other hand I often reminded myself that I was doing this for me only. Being a successful (or even semi-successful) (or even having some random readers at that) was a goal, but not THE goal. I focused on wanting to tell the stories I wanted to tell, and allowing myself to do it the way I wanted to do it.

These days I don’t really mind that it’s taking me this long to release this story, because I know that doing it right means not rushing it.

If you could…

Sometimes when I’m working on my novels, I think about how potential readers are going to react. Will they like this? Will they think my work is just a bit too out there? Is it work that at best is a C-average when it could be so much better? I never think about it to any large degree, mind you, because in my head I’m always writing these for my own enjoyment first and foremost. If other people like it, then that’s pretty cool too!

With Theadia, however? This is definitely a novel about rebelling against authority.

Mind you, I’ve been wanting to write something like that since I was a teenager. It’s just something I’ve always been drawn to, whether out of a sense of justice or simply that I gravitate towards that sort of thing. It’s just how I’m drawn, I suppose. It’s what happens when college radio blows your mind at fifteen and tells you that there’s more out there than just rigid conformity, and that it’s not only okay to question authority, but there are times when it’s necessary to do so.

I wouldn’t say that Theadia is a reactive commentary on refusing to follow authority, because our two main characters say almost from the beginning that they’re exhausted by having to react to such situations each and every time. And to do that, it’s less about waiting for things to happen and more about understanding when things will happen and preventing it from taking place. This kind of story is a bit tricky to write, because your mains could come across as high and mighty. Or worse, just as authoritarian. The characters must always keep in mind that they’re not merely doing this out of a sense of justice. They’re doing it because it’s necessary.

More than a few times, our mains will say “You know what? Fuck it. If authority isn’t going to follow their own established rules that are there mainly to keep us bound? Then neither should we.” Like bones, sometimes you need to break rules and guidelines in order to make them stronger for the body as a whole. They notice a shocking lack of engineering compliance and use that to their advantage. They notice rent-a-heavies trying to bother the protesters and distract or call them out. They make a noise and escalate to as many legislative bodies as they can to stem the tide. And at all times, they connect with other groups as a way to make communication even stronger.

It’s tiring work, but sometimes it has to be done.

Oh, this should work perfectly

Every now and again I’ll figure out a long-standing block in my current project, and in the process, I’ll be of two minds about it: one, that this unexpectedly clears the path for everything else to run smoothly…and two, that it’ll be a hell of a lot more work than expected. I suppose it’s the variant on the angel and devil on your shoulders bit, really. You feel thrilled that this one problem has finally gone away, but you don’t want to fully trust it just yet.

This has happened twice recently with Theadia, actually. Late last month I’d come to the conclusion that the problem I’d had with a certain character had nothing to do with their actions or what I needed them to do…it was that the character didn’t work. They were just…boring the hell out of me. I hated writing them and initially thought it was because it was a scene I ultimately would not need. That didn’t quite feel right to me, however. The clarity came when I decided that maybe I should have their actions be played by a character I had a bit more interest in but had woefully underused. And LO! It actually worked! These new passages are still a bit weak and in need of revision, but I’m not too worried about that — right now I just want to get the scenes done and written.

The second time was just a week or so ago, when I FINALLY came up with a plausible ending for the novel. This was just like The Balance of Light, in that I knew how I wanted the story to end, but I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to get there. Thankfully there was no years-long block this time, only a general I’ll get to it when I get to it avoidance. Suffice it to say, I happened to have the day off then, and allowed myself to ruminate over this bit of clarity for a bit to work it out. After about an hour or two, I had a pretty good idea of how I was going to play this out.

As of this moment, I am focusing mostly on the first revelation, as they are the main character of nearly all the ‘WRITE THIS LATER’ scenes I’d skipped over the last year or so. This is actually working for the best, as I’m able to expand on this new character organically, just like I had with the other mains. And once that is taken care of, I can finally finish the novel properly.

And everything will fall into place perfectly.

I hope.

Year Begin: Heading into 2026

Let’s start with the things I’d like to do in 2026:

— I would like to complete and release Theadia next year, most likely during third or fourth quarter of the year. I still need to finish it, and I also need to revise it and figure out a cover for it. I’ll spend maybe a couple of weeks flitting around on the photo sites to see if I can find something that works, but I’d also like to look into seeing if I can commission an artist for it. I spent a good number of years working on this project and I’m quite proud of it, so I’d rather not drop the ball and half-ass the end result. It’s an important story for me, and I’d love for you all to read it and enjoy it.

— Will I have time to work on the Remaster for The Persistence of Memories, as originally planned? That’s a good question. I think I will, considering this one needed the least amount of work. If I recall, most of the work it did need will be for clarity or tightening up. I also might give it a newer cover. While it looks good on the physical copy, it doesn’t quite translate as well digitally. I’ll have to do some more work on that. I think I pulled one or two pictures back in the day that I liked, but I’ll see if I can find something similar that’s much more intriguing.

— I’m not going to worry too much about coming up with any new projects, especially since I have the two above to focus on. However, my plan is to keep my options open via the 750Words site. Whether it’s outtakes, MU-related ideas or just something that crossed my mind that day, I’d like to see where that takes me. I think I’ve come to the point in my creative career where I don’t feel too worried about running out of ideas, because I’ve proven to myself that was never the case. It’s always been about outer frustrations intruding into my creative life, whether it was job related or personal, and I’ve learned how to keep them separate. It still takes time and practice to keep that in place, but I’m aware of it and that’s the most important thing.

— Again, I do plan to expand my creative outlets by returning to art and music. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s in the approach. I tend to freeze up if I force myself to do anything creative because it either feels like an assignment or an impenetrable wall. And if I approach it from that angle, then I first have to cast my creative mind aside to work past it, thus defeating the purpose. So how am I going to work this out in the new year? By taking a much simpler route: just pick up the tool and see where it takes me. It doesn’t always have to come from inspiration, sometimes it will just come from interest or curiosity. I’m curious to see what I can come up with on my guitar if I used alternate tunings. I’d like to see if I can get better at comic art. The approach is all about wanting to do it, not forcing myself to do it.

— And on a personal level, how do I want to live my life? I’ve made so many changes over the years, positive ones that needed to be taken, and now I’m at a point where I can move forward with the least amount of resistance. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? What have I wanted to do? It doesn’t feel nearly as daunting as it used to, and that’s by design. I acknowledge the work it took that got me to this point, and now I’m allowed to keep moving in the right direction.

**

Sure, I’ve had my down moments. Times when I fell, times when I broke. But in 2025, I picked myself back up enough times that it no longer feels painful. I still feel the frustration, but now I know I can accept it each time and keep moving despite those down times. I can face the fears now. I can face the uncertainty. And that makes looking forward so much easier and clearer.

Here’s to wishing everyone a special and uplifting 2026!

Year End: Moving Forward

I’ll be honest, I’ve spent most of December half-assing it.

I mean, I’ve gotten a lot done with Theadia. I managed to not only figure out a snag that was bothering me for the last few months, but the solution was so simple that it feels like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders. This in turn is helping me get through the various WRITE THIS LATER scenes a lot quicker, much to my relief.

I’ve been pretty consistent with the blog entries here and at Walk in Silence. And I’ve also been doing a really good job of keeping up with my daily words at 750Words, with only the occasional “cheat day” (in which I paste an older entry from this blog and comment what’s changed since then) here and there. I’ve been doing that on purpose as a dry run to get myself in shape for consistency starting next year.

Thing is, I probably could be doing more. I could be further along with Theadia, and I definitely need to get my butt in gear with the remaster for The Persistence of Memories. I haven’t picked up my guitars in a bit, I’ve been forgetting to update the personal journal, and I definitely haven’t done any art in far too long.

Still, I’m not about to beat myself up about all that. Not anymore, anyway. I’ve retaught myself not to focus on the failures, and instead focus on picking myself up and continuing when it eventually does happen. Call it a bit of self-awareness, a bit of Zen balance, whatever it might be. I know, I’ve tried this approach in the past and it always ends in tears, but that’s the point: accept that failures occur, pick myself up and dust myself off, and keep going.

I do have plans for 2026, of course. But that will be in the final entry, coming next Monday! See you then!

Year End: Moving On

Sure, I could use the classic phrase I’m too old for this sh*t in regards to some of the more frustrating things that have happened over the past year. But really, I’m not nearly as cynical as that. Despite being firmly Gen-X, I never completely slid into full-on cynicism because I always felt it was an easy way out: writing something off by saying it was never good in the first place. It just didn’t ring true to me.

It’s true, I’ve had a few frustrating things happen here and there this year, and yes, I may have overreacted to some degree. But I’m not writing any of that off, far from it. I’m just choosing to acknowledge it and move on. Not every single event in my life needs to be a conflict that needs to be faced or resolved. Sometimes it just is what it is, and I have to adjust accordingly. I might have to make some changes, but they will be changes made my way and not out of frustration or necessity.

If anything comes with age for me, I think it’s that I’ve refined how I utilize my sense of patience. Back in my 20s I used to semi-joke I was cursed with a tremendous amount of it, primarily because it was the only reaction I could have most of the time, whether due to finances, emotional reaction, or just the situation I found myself in. Some years later I learned how to voice those frustrations, and at times I could be too vocal about it. It took me a while to find a level that wasn’t pathetic or reactionary.

It was all about balance, really. And that’s how I’ve been living since then.

Right now I know there are some things I can fix, and other things I can’t. But I know I am not chained to the places or situations I find myself in these days. It’s a matter of being able to think outside the box instead, and figuring out how to sidestep that particular obstacle and still move forward. It’s true, much of this I’ve inserted into the various characters in Theadia; many of them are just tired of doing it the old way and failing every time, and are looking for alternate ways to resolve their various conflicts. Thus their repeated mantra: if you could…would you do the right thing?

I think in 2026, this is how I’m going to try to think about my writing. While I still have a few things on the backburner waiting to be started, I’m feeling as though I’ve kept a lot of them there not out of a severe case of the Don’t Wannas, but more out of a rational sense that they may not be worth working on at this time. They might be good stories, just that I’m just not feeling the excitement about them. I’m pretty sure I’ll be finally trunking them for good pretty soon.

It’s time to move on.

Year End: Moving Office

I suppose I could start this entry with an exasperated how the hells is it December already??, but really, I’m not that surprised at all. It’s been a busy year all around.

One of the biggest changes of 2025 was our moving to our new home, and one we own rather than rent at that. To be honest, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. There’s a sense of permanence going on that I am very much not used to. Aside from my family’s house, every other place I’ve lived in has always been a rented apartment, so it’s taking time for me to accept that we’re allowed to make changes (or not!) if we so choose. I am also greatly amused at how many quarters I can amass over time now that we own our own washer/dryer unit, and how much room our shared office has now that most of my old writings and whatnot are down in our garage storage.

Speaking of a shared office, I’m glad I chose to take the ‘clean slate’ option when we moved everything in, because Spare Oom was getting a mite bit crowded with our mutual book collection and all my writing-related stuff. I was also feeling a bit boxed in by the strict schedule I’d placed upon myself. While the whiteboard calendar had long been a source of inspiration to keep me going, it had also turned into a bit of a chain around my ankle. It all had started feeling like an assignment rather than a a craft that I enjoyed.

So when I got everything plugged in and turned on at the New Digs, I gave myself a fresh start. I didn’t do any blogging, journaling or daily words for a couple of months, instead focusing on the most important projects, Theadia and the Trilogy Remaster. I took my time deciding what decorations to put up, as I didn’t want another collage of stickers and silly things poking holes in the pristine white walls. I didn’t even update my notebook calendar with any notes like I normally would. I merely wanted to reset my priorities and find a bit of clarity.

And now here we are months later. The remastered A Division of Souls is out in the wild, Theadia is back up and running, and I’m even back to blogging and daily words. I only journal occasionally these days, as I don’t feel the need to make it a daily thing at the moment. I feel less disconnected from the world as well, considering the office’s windows overlook the street we live on, and I’m not as far away from A as I used to be. And of course we have both cat trees in here, so Juli and Cali are frequent visitors and distractors!

More to come…

Still here, just feeling loopy

I’ve been doing 5:30am opens all week while the head bookkeeper is out, and I’m so not used to it. Thankfully I’ve been very particular about balancing my energy levels and sleep patterns, so I’m not so much exhausted as just using my brain just a bit too much. Who knew that Q4 retail could use up so many mental spoons? Heh.

Still, I’m managing to slowly slog through the parts of Theadia that I’m working on. It’s taking forever, but I’m bound and determined to get this dang thing out one way or another!

I’ll be honest…

I think one of the biggest things I’m nervous about with Theadia is not the dog fights, nor is it the physics of flight (both air and space) or even the science of how wormholes work. I’m playing as fast and loose with them as most other writers do. As long as there’s a consistent logic to it, and as long as I keep it within reason, then we’re golden.

It’s the fact that I could never get my head around the correct use of military rank.

Yes, silly, I know, especially since I have all the internet and multiple genre novels at my fingertips if I want to use them as guidelines. And considering some of my older relatives (including my dad) were in the armed forces for a time, you’d think I’d have had some kind of understanding about it. I just never quite got around to it.

I suppose before I release this out into the world I should have at least one talk with someone knowledgeable about it to some degree, at least to say “okay, here are the characters, are these the correct ranks I have for them, or should they be something different?” Put it this way: I have these characters doing exactly what I want them to; it’s not their jobs I’d need to fix, then, but whatever rank or title they have. I’m basing this story’s Space Force on a rather helpful and legitimate list I found online, so I can at least make an educated guess.

As long as I get it right before publication!