I am NOT getting sick.

I refuse to get sick right now, dang it! Especially since we have plans for the weekend!

I’m currently keeping a potential sore throat at bay, and spring allergies are of course making themselves known at the most inopportune times. I’m chugging Airborne and taking Benadryl and even going to bed early these last couple of days. It’s helping as I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did yesterday, but I think that’s also because today’s shift wasn’t nearly as stressful and exhausting.

It’s funny, though, that even when I am sick, I’ll still try to put in a little bit of writing work here in the Belfry. Sometimes it’ll just be a page or two of revision before I give up and start playing with the cats, but as long as it’s forward motion, every little bit helps.

Going outside now and again

It’s just about springtime here in the Bay Area, which means new plants will be blooming, the days will get brighter and longer, temperatures will rise, and the winter rains will be winding down. This means that we’ll have run out of decent excuses not to go out for a neighborhood walk after A gets off work and I happen to be at home. This also means that I really should start walking to and from work more often instead of taking the car.

As much as I love clocking in and getting a sizeable chunk of ‘remastering’ work done on A Division of Souls, sometimes I forget that I really should head outside and get some fresh air. I mean, sure, we own a treadmill now so we can always use that for exercise, but that’s no excuse when we’ve got an extremely walkable and visually interesting neighborhood. And besides, it’s a great way to clear our heads! It gives A a chance to not think about her inbox, and gives me a chance to step away from whatever I’m working on, providing us both with a bit of calm and clarity.

As an added bonus, it keeps me from doomscrolling, but that’s another post altogether. The point here is that I sometimes need to remind myself that the process of writing also includes not writing. This is the part I always forget: there’s a big ol’ world out there with several different kinds and flavors of experiences and sometimes it’s good just to witness it instead of reading about it. It’s a good habit, and it’s also far healthier.

Searching for words

I’ve finally gotten myself into the daily habit of playing a round of playing Squaredle, an online word search game. I’ve always been a sucker for a good word search (I have a few issues of Penny’s Finest Word Seeks on my desk here in Spare Oom) as I find it both distracting in a positive way, and a good use of brain focus, something I’ve been trying to fix for some time.

I’ll be honest, one of the main reasons is because otherwise I find myself doomscrolling on social media during my break times at the day job. I’ll completely admit that I fall way too easily into that trap, and I’ve been needing to escape it for a while now. I tend to hyperfocus on various things and this game is at least something that gets my mind moving and not my blood pressure. I used to do the same thing back during my college years, buying those same word search magazines from the local CVS as a way to dial back the stress of academia. And now that I think about it, those pre-writing session games of FreeCell did the same job of calming my head and helping me properly shift focus.

Whatever works, yeah?

And speaking of searching for words, while working on the Trilogy Remaster I found myself dusting off my copy of Barbara Ann Kipfer’s Flip Dictionary for the first time in ages, a reference book I’d used several times during the writing of the three books. It was an amusing and pleasant reminder of how much I enjoyed going that extra step of trying to find that perfect word that made my prose just that little bit more exciting. I think I used it during the writing of my other books, but not nearly as much as I did the trilogy, and I’m curious as to why. Perhaps I knew what words I needed, but maybe it was also part of my “writing econo” idea I’d had, keeping the prose a bit more simple and less flowery.

I think what I’m trying to get at is that I feel like I’ve been coming full circle lately in terms of writing. I’ve tried all sorts of different formats, lengths, styles and even reference material, and now I feel it’s time for me to return to the ways I love the most.

It’s part of the learning process, I suppose, and I do love the idea of constantly evolving, but I think I’m also at the point where I can safely put down an anchor and say this is where I belong.

Not the only one

Some days I have to actively remind myself that I don’t always have to shoulder every single burden on my own. I’ve been doing pretty good with this at the Day Job, especially since I have an absolutely terrible habit of thinking “I’d better do this because no one else will” when it comes to things that desperately need doing. I don’t have to always be the one to answer the store phone. I can send someone else to do the sweep logs. I can always ask for help if I feel overwhelmed. Some days I forget this and take on far too much, but other days I’ll divvy up the responsibilities equally.

This is also something I need to remember while writing and revising Theadia, considering “I’d better do this because no one else will” is actually a recurring theme in that book. There is a time and place for that kind of thinking, and it can be a great motivator…but at the same time, one really must be aware of their own limitations and ask for help when needed. I’d like to think most of the characters in this novel have gotten pretty good at that, though they’re not perfect. Althea has a habit of reacting loudly and vociferously when something angers her, while Claudia’s reaction to that tends to do the opposite, growing quiet and bottling it up. Over the course of the book they learn that they’re not alone in this rebellion they’ve chosen to kick off, and others in their tight circle are willing to assist without question.

I believe part of this, and this concerns both my novel and my own life, is having finally learned to trust myself to a deeper level. If I trust myself enough to understand my limitations, I can learn to trust others to pick up where I’m unable to continue. And in both writing and life: this gives me the strength and the clarity to think ahead a few extra steps. If I know x is going to happen soon, I’d like to prepare myself for y and z and anything else I expect will arrive in due time.

I’m letting myself rest mentally and emotionally…but I’m also aware of what comes next and how to act. And sometimes that’s the most important thing to remember.

Keeping deadlines and rethinking priorities

It’s not Theadia I’m worried about, actually. It’s A Division of Souls. Against my better judgement, I’m going to try to get the “remastered” version of my first novel ready for an early September release for its tenth anniversary. That gives me about nine months to get my butt in gear and get it done. Can I do it?

Well, I’m reasonably sure I can do it, at any rate. It’s not as if I’m completely rewriting the whole thing! As I’ve mentioned before, this revision that I’m calling a ‘remaster’ is merely updating a story I’ve spent several years on, and want to update it so it fits my current level of quality. I’m not embarrassed by it, but I can definitely see places where I could have done a lot better work on it.

At the same time, I worry that Theadia will fall by the wayside again. That won’t happen if I don’t let it, of course. I just have to shift priorities. Besides, I want to do that novel justice, and right now it still feels like it still contains a lot of gaps that need filling. [I mean, aside from its still being unfinished at this time.] The two projects are very similar in scope, I think. Both are Big Stories with an extended cast, featuring events that affect not just the main characters but everyone around them.

Both are also stories where I wanted to make some kind of statement. The Bridgetown Trilogy is about listening to and trusting the true spirit within — in short, trusting yourself, your instincts, and your emotions. Theadia is about wanting to do the right thing not only for your own benefit but for others — in short, understanding the consequences of your actions. And I feel that for both statements, I can’t really allow the stories to be half-assed.

This is definitely going to stress me out a bit in the next few months, but if I take it day by day, keep to my deadlines and stay focused, I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

Against the grain

Against the grain
That’s where I’ll stay
Swimming upstream
I maintain against the grain

–Bad Religion

Sure, it might not help me sell a ton of books, but that’s never truly been my writing goal, only a nice dream to have. The fact that I know I have a few hundred copies of my seven novels out there, and that I have a small but loyal following here on my blogs? That’s good enough for me.

I know my work isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t quite fit in to What Sells or What’s Popular. But again, that’s never been my goal. I write what I want, how I want, and when I want. And that is what I’ve wanted.

And maintaining that bit of nonconformity in everyday life is also something worth embracing.

Clocking in

I was thinking the other day about how I sometimes have a problem with getting started and/or staying with my writing sessions. Quite often I’d blame distractions like the internets or my music library, or having a case of the Don’t Wannas. But after several years of trying to work through all that and getting nowhere, I realized that perhaps I’m looking at it from the wrong angle. So I started thinking: what was it that I did back in the Belfry days in the late 90s/early 00s that made my writing sessions so successful?

Sure, I had the same distractions then as now, but I still managed to work through them. It’s not the drive, then. It’s something else.

And then it occurred to me: I treated my writing sessions like ‘going into the office’ back then. That was the One Simple Trick that helped me approach the sessions with more seriousness. No matter what I did during the day, the session would start at seven pm sharp and often end around nine. A few minutes spent deciding what to listen to, maybe a game or two of FreeCell, but then it was Time To Work. Clock in and do the job until it was time to clock out. Once I established that habit and stuck to it, it worked perfectly for almost four years with almost no issues.

I realized that perhaps the problem these days isn’t so much the drive but the focus. So starting this week, I’ve been trying my hand at reviving that mindset: come 7pm, it’s time to clock in here in Spare Oom. Throw on some music, and get the session started. I’ll allow certain minimal distractions (like visiting cats, for example) but my main focus should always be on the primary writing project. Think of it once more as ‘going into the office’ instead of just the back room.

I’m allowing myself not to be perfect about it, of course. Changes in work schedule, other real life stuff going on, whatever. I’ll even accept that I might be having an off day. As long as I make this process consistent in the long run!

Distraction, or just too busy?

I seem to be running out of time to write lately, and it’s bothersome.

To be honest, it’s not as if I’m overly distracted or simply just procrastinating these days. I’ll still deal with the Don’t Wannas every now and again, but for the most part I’ve been doing good. Just…not giving myself enough time.

Part of it lately is that I’ve been working a few odd hours at the Day Job that get me out around 4pm instead of 2pm, which leaves me with a few hours to hang with A and the cats until after dinner, by which time I end up scrunching multiple things into about an hour and a half of time. And to be honest, that ain’t working.

One thing I should probably do is prep multiple blog entries on the same day like I used to — that can easily be done if I give myself time to think about what I want to write about. And though I truly enjoy using the 750Words site, I think I’m at a point where I don’t need to work there right now. At this point writing there is more about getting those words done than using it for various projects. I’m not abandoning it, of course…I’m merely putting it aside.

The other thing I need to do is lay some ground rules, specifically one: what project(s) needs the most focus right now? In this case, I have two I want to focus on: finishing Theadia and starting the remaster of A Division of Souls. I already have schedule plans for each, so that shouldn’t be a problem. And when I’m done with Theadia then I can finally shift the bulk of my focus on writing MU4.

So yeah, I don’t think it’s distraction, at least not right now. Just needing to rethink my schedule a bit.

I…think I figured it out?

I think I finally figured out how to end Theadia! I always knew it would end in a spectacular yet unexpected way, but as I’d said before, it was the getting there that was stumping me. But earlier this morning — as I was showering of course, just like it always happens with us writers — the answer finally came to me, and I’ve been thinking all day about how to make it work. (Which is why this post is late!)

I realized that I’d been coming at it from the wrong angle: all these scenes were building up to a crescendo, so you’d think the answer is a Big Hollywood Finish, right? Nah. That’s not how I roll. I wrap up my novels by taking all the separate plot threads and weaving them into a much bigger pattern. And in this case, I had to figure out what that pattern was. And that’s what I finally figured out this morning.

It wasn’t the pattern I was expecting…but it’s the one that’s right, and that’s the one I’m going to go with.

In the end it’s just love

I might not be doing nearly as much writing and revising as I should these last couple of weeks, but fear not, I am not avoiding it. Merely just waylaid by Day Jobbery and trying to sort through the plots of two major projects in my head at the same time. And I’m trying not to make it all complicated.

The ending of Theadia might feature several characters doing several different things all at the same time to achieve one singular goal, but the important thing for me to remember is to take it one step at a time. There’s a lot to juggle but if I already know where all the pieces fit into the larger pattern, all I need to do is carefully and patiently put them all together. I learned that with the Bridgetown Trilogy.

And speaking of which, I’m also prepping myself to start (restart?) MU4 which, like the trilogy, has a lot of moving parts and patterns. I’ve worked and reworked them in my head for probably far too long, so I think it’s time to just start writing it. Put pen to paper and move. And to remind myself that despite the darker moments of this particular new project, there must also be moments of incredible light. That’s always been the theme of the Mendaihu Universe: the yin-yang balances of the world around us.

Every now and again I still need to remind myself of that. Not just in my writing projects, but in life as well. The Day Job might be stressful lately, but it also remains a place I’m proud of working at (and that in itself is something I very rarely admit to).