Back to Q4 Retail

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After a decade and a half of banking, I am once again back in the retail sector during fourth quarter. Our store has had its Christmas decorations up for a good couple of weeks now (having set them up a few weeks before Halloween) and our aisles are now crammed with cardboard standees selling wares such as chocolate Santas, boutique candies, various toys, and everything else in between. Apparently our company doesn’t do the holiday season half-assed.

Am I dreading the craziness of fourth quarter shenanigans, high volume and constantly running out of paper bags up front? Not really! As exhausting as the last couple months of the year can be, there’s also a special warmth that comes along with it. I do enjoy talking with our regulars (and they are definitely such — some stopping by twice a day on the daily) end even more with new customers who are pleasantly surprised by how unique and accessible our store is. Sure, we’ll have the days with unending lines and short staff, but we survive it. And I’m old enough to remind myself not to let those particular days eat at me.

Sure, it affects my writing time sometimes, but not in the ways the bank used to. The mental and emotional exhaustion just isn’t as prevalent. Banking is very exhausting for the brain, whereas working retail, not so much. At least not for me anymore, anyway. Sometimes dealing with the front end is a bit like herding cats — coworkers and customers alike, when I’m assigned the Front End Manager position for the day — but I try not to bring it home. As long as I dedicate time to the writing, that’s all that matters.

Besides, working in retail means I get some sweet deals for the home!

How can someone so young sing words so sad?

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So the original idea came to me after reading multiple romcoms in a row: what about an older woman who, after a successful career in the late 80s and early 90s as a young pop singer and an adulthood stuck in terrible relationships and bad business decisions, has a meet-cute with an equally jaded John Cusack type of guy who runs a record store in the small town she escapes to?

I bring this up as I’m feeling incredibly burned out from my work on Theadia and Queen Ophelia, both of which probably need complete rewrites. As I said to a friend this morning, there comes a time when it feels more like I’m shoveling mud than actually making a sculpture, y’know? It’s obvious that my writing sessions for both are becoming infrequent enough and hardly any work is being done (cat-sitting aside) that it’s obvious that I’m not happy with the stories at all. Added to that, I do nightly rereads of passages as part of my revision process, and lately it’s felt like I’d rather be reading something else. I don’t hate these projects, they’re just not where I need them to be right now, and I’m not ready to devote even more time and brainspace for it. I need to take a break.

That said…the possibility of me writing a meet-cute romcom filled with 80s and 90s easter eggs, music references and other goofy things is something I think might work. And here I thought Meet the Lidwells was my nerdiest story idea…

(Image courtesy of K-On!, by the way. I really need to start watching that series.)

Changing Things Around

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Cat Update: Jules has been here for one week and thinks she’s got seniority, but new cat (and sister) Cali has proven otherwise by refusing to give in so easily. It’s been a few days together and they’re not playfighting nearly as much, though they’ll have bouts of chasing each other down our long hallway in full noisy gallop. I think we’ve cured them of waking us up for 2am playtime, but they’ve exchanged that with the 9pm tussling under our bed and the 5am Why Aren’t You Awake Yet. It’s a learning curve for everyone, I guess.

Anyway! As you can well imagine, my writing schedule is falling short due to Watching the Cats (to make sure they settle in well in their new home) and waking up early for the Day Job. It is what it is, and given that it’s also Q4, I will not be surprised if I eventually feel burnout in the next couple of weeks.

BUT! I refuse to let the writing fall by the wayside. I just have to keep focusing on it with the time that I do have. Twitter is currently having its New Owner Dumpster Fire Event which is keeping me from doomscrolling over there. I’ve got my close friends on Discord (we now have a dedicated channel just for our cat pictures, by the way) to keep me company. And of course I still have KEXP to listen to while working in Spare Oom.

It is what it is. I’m used to my writing schedule going all kinds of wonky during Q4. And considering I’m now working retail, the exhausting chaos will be ramping up very soon. I’m only thankful my job frowns on forced overtime (thank you, UFCW Local 648!) and our store is small compared to other outlets. It’ll be busy but not always overwhelmingly so. I’ll always have time to get at least something done each day if I put my mind to it.

And thankfully, the cats are currently sleeping in the cat tree so I can have some me time!

In Need of Distance…?

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I’m at the point in Theadia where I think I’m hyperfocusing too much. I do this at least once with every project I’ve ever worked on: I’ll eventually arrive at a point where I’m not sure if I’m making it better or making it worse. Sometimes it’s because I’ve been working on the same chapter or scene for far too many days and I need to let it go and move on (and fix it properly at a later time). Sometimes it’s because I’m working on a scene that’s full of tension that I’ve become so familiar with that I don’t feel said tension anymore.

There’s also the fact that I’ve been a bit distracted by Real Life Stuff lately, and I just don’t have the spoons to connect with it on an emotional level at the moment.

Either way, this is where I need to make a decision: power through until the issues go away, or step away and work on something else for a little bit. Powering through essentially means getting rid of those Don’t Wanna/Oh Hey A Distraction urges, which works really well for me. Stepping away works too, but I usually reserve that for when I’m truly frustrated or physically/mentally exhausted and need the break.

So yeah, looks like I’ll have to soldier through!

A new(ish) monitor arrives!

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Okay, so it’s a few years old, but it was A’s at that point before her new job provided her with a new one. And as you can see, it’s partially blocking the whiteboard schedule and the clipboard. I’m probably going to take the latter down as I rarely use it, and move the whiteboard up a few inches and rearrange all those ‘I Power KEXP’ stickers I’ve accumulated. Most everything on the desk can easily be shifted around to make this work.

So what’s different here? I mentioned at my Dreamwidth account that I’m now facing the desk directly instead of at an angle, and after adjusting the armrests of my chair (again, formerly A’s before she bought a new one) I’m now enjoying much better posture. Especially now that the mouse and pad are off to the right, so I’m no longer crinching up my shoulder to use them. I’m not slouching or leaning in this chair, nor am I craning my neck at weird angles when I’m working with documents and suchlike. [I’ve also noticed that the sound quality in the music I listen to is different as well, now that I’m facing the speakers directly instead of mostly in my right ear. I’m posting separately about that over at Walk in Silence.]

I’m using the new monitor for internet browsing and my writing and the old one for my music player and other media software. Sure, the older monitor is bigger and you’d think that would be useful for writing, but after so many years I think it’s a little too big. Useful for watching movies and music videos, but probably not for extended periods of editing. The smaller monitor helps me focus on the work at hand instead of getting lost in all that workspace.

They’re simple adjustments, sure, but I’m already noticing how big of a difference they’ve made, and that’s always a good thing.

More on cats and Spare Oom

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A bit of Ghibli foolishness

Yes, I admit it. I might be a little preoccupied about the possibility of adopting a cat. Which, by the way, we just got the go-ahead from our landlord today which makes me ridiculously happy. I haven’t had a cat since our tuxedo cat Booker back in the 90s. I’ve been making do with spying on the neighborhood kitties in their windows or if I happen to be visiting a friend who has a few. A and I have been distracting ourselves by looking up things on Wirecutter and elsewhere about what the best cat bed, cat tree, food, litter, and so on would be. We’ve already started moving things around so the potential kitty won’t eat/knock over our plants or kick our Funkos under the couch. Yeah, we’re going full out here.

Meanwhile, Spare Oom is about to inherit a second monitor, which is something quite new here. I’ve always been a single-monitor person here, mainly because of the lack of room, but since A now has an extra one (her new job sent her one recently) she’s bequeathing her old one to me. Which is all fine and dandy, but as you can see in the banner picture on this here blog, I’m not entirely sure how I’ll set it up, considering that I have other things in its space. Do I get another riser? (They’re super cheap and I can get one up the street at Office Max.) Where do I move the whiteboard schedule? So many questions!

But of course for both issues, most of the changes will take place when the time comes. I actually enjoy the challenge, to be honest. It’s like when I got a new desk and had to move a few things around to make everything fit. Either way, it’s something new and exciting to look forward to!

Cats

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This isn’t set in stone just yet as it depends on a few things…but there is a possibility that we might be looking into adopting a cat.

I know, right? For anyone who knows me, I love cats. I grew up with them, love playing with them, picking them up, just having them hang out with me. If you have one at your home I will definitely be sidetracked by giving them scritches. I’ve even put a cat in my latest WIP. On Sundays one of our local pet stores works with a local adoption agency (adorably called Fuzzy Butt Rescue) and this past weekend we found ourselves…maybe thinking that we could finally make this work.

The last time I had one for a pet was at least a few decades ago, so it’s been a while. We mostly avoided it because of our traveling and work schedules or not being home, but things have changed over the years and one or both of us would be here for a significant amount of time to watch over one (or two).

This of course also led to an extended conversation over brunch on Sunday regarding what we’d have to change in our current lifestyle to make this work. What plants we’d have to move to higher places or donate to our horticultural neighbor. What toys and tchotchkes we’d have to store away. What yarn stashes we’d have to put elsewhere or at least put in enclosed places. What I’d have to move around or put away in Spare Oom. And the conversation I’d have with our landlord to get permission. [That in particular I think we’d be able to handle with reasonable ease, as they love us, we’re responsible, and we even own a carpet cleaner if there’s an…event. Plus, a few of our neighbors have dogs so it’s only fair.]

I do love the idea of an office cat, really. Having a goofball fuzzbutt hanging out with me in Spare Oom while I write is a fine idea to me. And thankfully we’re both cat people and having them sleep with us on the bed is just groovy.

Like I said…it’s not set in stone yet, but it’s certainly something I want to set into motion.

I’m Allowed

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I’m allowed to take my time getting there.

I’m allowed to take however long it takes to figure things out.

I’m allowed to share stories that don’t fit the mold.

I’m allowed to understand the world in my own ways.

I’m allowed to have paradoxes in my life.

I’m allowed to be imperfect.

I’m allowed to take my own uncharted steps to see where it all goes.

I’m allowed to remind myself of these things when needed.

Talking End of the Month Refresh Blues

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Image courtesy of hackaday.com

I talked a little bit about this over at my Dreamwidth account, but I think it begs a bit of commentary here: I’m happy to say that I think I’ve finally broken myself of that niggling feeling at the end of every month that I’ve failed in keeping up with my writing schedule. For years, and with the best of intentions, I’d start each month looking at my whiteboard calendar and think, yeah, this time I’ll make it to the end with new words and productivity all over the place!, and inevitably crash and burn about two-thirds of the way through.

It took me until recently that to realize that I’ve been looking at this in totally the wrong way.

Coming into each month with the determination to Do All The Things regardless of real life (and Day Job) getting in the way always leads to failure. And that’s the other mistake I made: seeing that as failure in the first place. In the final weeks I’d always get frustrated that I’d failed to follow my plans once more, and every single time I’d needlessly get angry with myself. It would only be exacerbated by thinking, okay, THIS time I’ll get it right! and setting myself up for failure once more.

What I need to do instead is see the start of every month as a refresh. I run cleaning software on this PC every weekend without fail (and it’s kept Spare Oom’s computer up and running smoothly for over three years so far, thank you very much), and it occurred to me that I really should see my writing habits in very much the same manner.

When I start the new month tomorrow — including participating in Inktober — the whiteboard schedule will once again be full, once again be seen as a guide rather than an assignment, once again allowing myself days off when Real Life intrudes. The whole point of the whiteboard schedule has always been to keep me working instead of procrastinating or distracting myself, nothing more. It’s my coping mechanism that’s kept me from otherwise faffing around on Twitter or playing with my music collection all day long.

What I shall do differently starting tomorrow is just do my best. That’s all. If I miss a day, I miss a day. And come the end of October I’ll do the same thing I’m doing now, accepting the amount of work I’d done in the meantime and starting it all over again in November. And so on. View it as a refresh, not as a metric.