Catching Up

I knew that aside from the expected family gatherings and whatnot over this past weekend, I’d have a lot of time to myself at the hotel I was staying at, so I brought my trusty Lenovo laptop with me. My plan was to hole up and get some serious editing and revision done on Queen Ophelia’s War during that time, and I did in fact get several chapters done in the span of just a few days! Not only that, I was able to bash out a few hundred words for my romcom idea. Hell, I even had a few hours to kill at Logan before my flight back west, so I got some revision work done there as well!

Allowing myself to spend an extended amount of time was something I’d needed, and something I hadn’t been able to do all that often since I started at the Current Day Job. I can do it on my days off, but even then I’m sharing that time with other non-writing things I need to catch up on so the time spent isn’t nearly as long. But hey, that’s something I’ve been trying to adjust! I feel like I’m back on schedule, and that’s where I needed to be in order to make that happen.

Life has returned back to normal now and it’s the start of a new month, so this is the perfect time for me to plan ahead — to do a bit of proactive time management for my creative outlets and life adjustment to get rid of unwanted distractions. I’m still on schedule to get Queen Ophelia’s War out within the next few months.

Down Cellar

I can’t find it right now but I know I have it somewhere: there’s a picture of this same shot of my desk in the Belfry, a staged and corny shot of me looking at the screen with my dad to my right, looking on. It appears like we’re having a serious discussion about a very important scene in my novel. [If I recall, the picture was shot around 2003, so that means I was working on The Balance of Light.]

I have a lot of memories of my family’s basement. Playing down there as a child when it was too rainy in the spring, too hot in the summer, and too cold in the winter. Being kind of freaked out as a kid by the cold and dusty semi-darkness of the back storage room where the big and scary oil heater was. The rumble of the washing machine and always being startled when the dryer loudly announced it was done. Listening to my records down there. And of course, writing The Phoenix Effect and then the three books in my Bridgetown Trilogy.

But what I remember most is that my dad had pretty much claimed the far north end of the basement as his research office. While he was primarily known about town as the local reporter for the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, he was more known locally as the guy who over several decades had acquired an overwhelmingly complex collection of books, notebooks, files, news clippings, pictures, maps, binders, and index cards, each of them containing an intriguing detail in the larger tapestry of the history of his hometown of Athol, MA. It was a lifelong project he’d started before I was born and continued long after I moved out of the house. None of it was digitized and all of it was cobbled together with tape and glue. He had a chicken-scratch handwriting and always used his old-school Royal typewriter.

He used to have all sorts of visitors over the years who would come over to borrow some of those files for their own research. He’d get college students writing papers, writers working on projects, local historians looking for things they’d missed elsewhere. The local library would sometimes point people in his direction if they weren’t able to help. And the collection kept growing, slowly blocking windows, taking up floor space, and reaching up to the ceiling. And occasionally getting knocked over by cats. [For the record, nearly all of this collection is now found in a reference room of said local library, dedicated to his work.]

He had this very old radio on his desk that he’d often use to listen to swing jazz and classical music, always with more bass than treble. He was a big fan of big band leaders like Glenn Miller and Benny Goodman. [That radio was so old that it would crackle with fierce static every time he turned it on.] He always had music going when he worked. Even when he was at his day job office downtown, he had a radio there as well. He was a pretty good piano player as well; he’d often play standards on our family’s piano and later on one of the electronic keyboards we owned.

I moved my desk down cellar in early 1996 when I’d moved back home and had acquired my first PC, and he was just fine with me staking my own little corner down there at the opposite end of the room, right near the door to the garage and the stairs leading up to the main part of the house. He knew I wasn’t going to be a reporter, and I’d told him many times that I was not interested in that style. But he was just as glad that I’d chosen a somewhat similar creative path, writing fiction. [We never called it ‘the basement’ but ‘down cellar’, definitely a New Englandism.]

Some nights we’d be working at opposite ends of the room, our music sometimes dueling with each other (I was acquiring a massive music collection at the time that would soon overwhelm that back storage room). We were both writers working on what we loved doing most, perfectly happy doing so without much conversation. Some days he’d be down there until late at night, and some days I’d be down there until the wee hours.

One of the last conversations I had with him over the phone was right around Christmas. Whenever we spoke on the phone, he always asked how my writing was coming along. He was proud of the fact that I was still working at it years later, that I’d self-published several novels, seen my dream career all the way through to that level. He always had some kind of writing advice: don’t overedit, know when you’ve done enough research and when to start doing the actual writing, and always make sure you enjoy doing it. And above all, always write what’s true to you.

Thanks, Dad. Best writing advice I ever got.

Richard Chaisson 1935-2024

Breaking out of the comfort zone

(image courtesy of Bocchi the Rock)

I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to push myself out of that comfort zone I’d been in for years. Why was I even there in the first place? Was it about trust? Self-trust? Embarrassment? Worry? One or many of these things? Well. Most of it’s all gone now, at any rate. All I had to do was free myself from the self-imposed chains.

I think the last time I felt this way was when I’d started The Phoenix Effect back in 1997. A new part of my life had started and the road was relatively clear. It was a choice to say yeah, let’s get this writing career started. I can do this, and stick to it. But let’s face it, I hadn’t really adjusted all that much since then. Sure, I had the confidence to self-publish and all that backstage nonsense that goes along with it. But there had to be more. I knew I was holding back.

This is where I feel I’m at now. Pushing myself out of a comfort zone once again, not quite sure where it’ll take me…but trusting myself enough to know what I’m doing. Time to take more chances and look past the boundaries. Knowing I have people who’ll have my back. And knowing how to move forward with minimal blind flailing.

A lot of this will be new to me, but I’m ready for it. And I’m willing to learn.

I’m allowed to make mistakes…

…but I’m not allowed to see every mistake as a failure.

Writing a scene that ultimately does not work for the novel is not a failure. Dealing with inconsistencies and continuity errors is not a failure. Sometimes writing is rewriting and revising and trying a different tack. I’m allowed to be worried that my project is still a mess that needs a lot of work, but it’s not a failure if I’m willing to do that work to make it better, no matter how long it takes.

Putting a novel project aside for a while with the possibility of it being trunked is not a failure. Sometimes the end result is simply not what I’d hoped it would be, knowing that I could do so much better. Or maybe that I’ve just lost interest in the idea now that I’ve let it percolate for a while.

Hitting only a few dozen words a day instead of a few hundred, or even a few thousand, is not a failure — nor is it a mistake. Not giving myself enough time to write every now and again is not a failure. Distraction and wasting time is not a failure, but an issue that can be fixed if I put my mind to it.

I’m willing to make mistakes. Failure, at least for me, is not even trying in the first place.

Begin anew

First things first: END OF YEAR BOOK SALE!

Want some free e-books? My novels are currently available as ‘name your price’ (yes, even free if you want!) over at Smashwords until the end of the year! That’s all three books in the Bridgetown TrilogyMeet the Lidwells!In My Blue World, and my newest, Diwa & Kaffi, available in all formats. Go on, you know you want them!

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This past year definitely felt like a year where I’d put a lot of things to rest. I let things go, things I had to let go of. Made my peace with my past. Disconnected from people and things I felt were toxic, a distraction, or a bad influence. Learned to stop spiraling. Killed off a hell of a lot of old ghosts and habits. Dialed it back. I’d certainly planned it that way from the beginning, to be honest, because I knew I was fully ready to do it. It was time to let them all go.

The plan was to do this throughout 2023, so that when life restarts in 2024, I will truly have a tabula rasa.

Or maybe not exactly a tabula rasa, but a starting point for a new and better life. I mean, I’ve been hinting at that for a few years now, haven’t I? This is the point in time I’ve been working towards for the last several years. It took a lot longer than I’d thought and I had a hell of a lot more to purge and let go of than I’d realized, but I’ve finally seen the end of that. I’ve been spending the last several weeks ready to go and just…

…well, not waiting, but allowing myself a bit of Zen-like peace before I begin anew.

We’ll see where this takes us.

See y’all in 2024!

Year End Review – Resolutions

First things first: END OF YEAR BOOK SALE!

Want some free e-books? My novels are currently available as ‘name your price’ (yes, even free if you want!) over at Smashwords until the end of the year! That’s all three books in the Bridgetown TrilogyMeet the Lidwells!In My Blue World, and my newest, Diwa & Kaffi, available in all formats. Go on, you know you want them!

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Anyway! Resolutions.

I’ve looked at a few of my year-end posts from the last couple of Decembers, and I’d like to think that I’ve made good on quite a few of them over the last year or so. I’ve shaken off a lot of the lingering fears, fixed a lot of bad habits, and given myself a much healthier outlook mentally and emotionally. It was a long time in coming, but I’m glad I’ve finally gotten to where I wanted and needed to be.

Because this means I can move forward with a lot less fear and distraction now.

So what do I have planned for 2024?

Well, writingwise I plan to return to cons! I’ll be at BayCon in Santa Clara on July 4-7 and I hope to be on a few panels and maybe even a few readings. It’s been a good few years since I’ve put myself out there — partly for obvious health reasons, what with Covid and all — but mask in hand and multiple vaccinations, I’ll be ready for it.

I have one, maybe two novels I’d like to release as well, Queen Ophelia’s War and Theadia. Depending on which one gets done and ready first, I will let you all know as soon as they’re ready. And I have one or two entirely new projects I’d like to work on as well. It feels great to be working on projects again after the various delays and hiatuses, to be honest.

But what about the everyday, nonwriting stuff? Well, some of that will remain offline I suppose. I’m making a concerted effort not to be so terminally online via social media, as that’s been the biggest time-suck over the last several years. Most of 2023 was spent relearning how to balance my life both on and offline to a level I’m comfortable with. [It also helps that a certain social media site has been deteriorating at an increasingly rapid pace over the last several months. I’ll be locking down my feed there at the end of the month and hanging out mostly at BlueSky and Threads come 1 January.]

Anything else? Well, I still have a few more days to go before the end of the month here at Welcome to Bridgetown, so I’m sure I’ll be talking about it more soon enough.

Year End Review – positives

[Picture source: Neon Stargzing by Zerahoc from DeviantArt]

Yes, even despite my newish PC being out of commission for a bit, things have been good here in Spare Oom and elsewhere. I’ve used this time to detox for a little bit; shutting things down, taking a breather, whatever it takes to be where I need to be.

I’ve received notice from Lenovo that said PC has been fixed and will be on its way back to me with a projected return of Just Before Christmas.

I’ve initiated the eventual closedown of my Twitter account (I won’t deactivate, but will merely have it in lockdown with the occasional ‘you can find me elsewhere’ post) and have started showing up on Threads and BlueSky with the commitment to being more vigilant about curating my feeds.

I haven’t obsessed over my music library — including these last few New Release Fridays — with the reminder that they’ll still be there when I get my PC back, and I don’t necessarily have to have it on drop date.

I’m still sliding into a few old distractions, but I’m doing so willingly, whether it’s watching a few goofy videos on YouTube or whatever, but I’m backing away at the first twitch of okay, that’s enough, time to get back to work. And that length of time is so much shorter than it used to be.

I’m actively not reading the internets during breaks at work, instead writing notes in a small notebook I carry around, or working through a few games in the crossword puzzle magazine I’d bought recently.

Today I tried an outtake of my future project Sheila Take a Bow that came out a hell of a lot better than I’d expected it to, so I don’t feel as tense about starting that at 750Words come the new year.

I’ve also chosen to to do a ‘soft restart’ of Queen Ophelia’s War because it’s better to attack these problem spots now instead of down the line, that way I’ll have less to worry about in the near future once it’s done and ready to see release.

So yeah, I’d like to think that things are positive for me right now while getting ready for 2024, so I’m happy about that.

Year End Review – Distractions and Detachments

As mentioned over at Walk in Silence, plans have gone just a bit awry this week due to multiple unexpected PC issues, thus sending the new one to the shop and the old one out of closet storage for temporary work. I’m finally catching up on writing work, though access to my music library isn’t all that doable right now. I’m just going to wait until the new PC returns.

Which got me thinking about what’s been bothering me this year: distractions. I’ve been too easily distracted in various parts of my daily life despite my wanting to avoid them. Staring at my phone during work breaks and elsewhere. Carrying around a small notebook to write some of my thoughts I may have but forgetting to do so. Pulling the usual ‘I’ll do it after I finish looking at this for a few minutes’ which invariably wastes a good half hour. Making life choices but putting them off for one reason or another.

I mean, I’m not trying to be one of those crunch-obsessed people that always has to be working every single waking moment, far from it. I’m totally fine with taking time off for fun things and enjoying life in various ways. I’m just tired of being passive and distracted, is all.

Which lends to the other half of this blog title: detachments.

Things I don’t want to do anymore. Things I don’t want anymore. Things I don’t need to be anymore. Letting go of what no longer works and moving on to something new. And right now I know what new directions I’d like to go in. This is about my writing, but it’s also about the personal as well. Life changes are always exciting and terrifying in equal measure to me, because I love the idea of trying out new things on my own and I’m also afraid of completely fucking it all up if it doesn’t work. But if I’ve learned anything in 2023, it’s that I’ve made my peace with some extremely personal things in my past, enough that I have the strength and the will to leave them behind now. To detach from that part of my life once and for all and look forward.

The one thing that’s kept me from doing so in the past is self-made distractions. It’s getting that dopamine rush of playing with my music collection or watching dumb videos on YouTube or reading the latest dumbass thing on social media. Deciding to make needed changes in my life but never getting around to the follow through. I hate that I’ve always been passive about it and yet I do it anyway because of that small rush, and then I feel frustrated for wasting time afterwards. And if I’m going to succeed in stopping those distractions and excuses, I need to detach.

And I’m now at a point where I’m strong enough to do that. And I’ve already started stepping towards that goal.

It’s time to say goodbye to parts of my old passive life once and for all, and embrace the new.

Even if it is terrifying.