More on not holding back

The last time I talked about this sort of thing was four years ago in this entry, but a lot of things have changed in my life since then. I wrote that entry in the first year of the pandemic, about a year after I’d been forced into heading thirty miles west into the office, ten months after I’d originally come up with the idea for Theadia, and six months after I quit that former day job.

Reason I bring it up is that I’ve been talking with some coworkers at the current Day Job about personal things and surprisingly they all say that I’m probably the most got-their-shit-together person they’d ever met. Which is kind of mind-blowing, considering my past. Ask me how I was four years ago, and I’d say that I was in a much better place than I’d been even a few years before that, but I still had a hell of a long way to go.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I work on the Theadia rewrite, because I’m once again at the point where I feel I’ve still been holding back. I’ve just gotten so used to doing it over the last couple of decades for varying reasons. Getting my emotions under control, ensuring my mental and emotional health (and in the process my physical health) was no longer going haywire because I’d just been reacting to everything for most of my life.

So now I’m thinking: yeah, maybe it’s time to trust myself a bit. Far past time.

What does this have to do with my writing? I think it’s that I’ve always felt that my payoffs weren’t as grand as I want them to be. I mean, other than the epic roundup at the end of The Balance of Light where the fate of everyone is held in the hands of two characters, Denni and Saisshalé. I love my books but there’s always this feeling that I could have gone so much further with them plot-wise. Raised the stakes more. Sometimes I feel my personal avoidance of conflict in real life infiltrated the conflict in my books to some degree.

But it’s here and now, and I’m definitely not as avoidant as I used to be. And that’s another reason I want to rewrite Theadia: I can make this story a lot bigger, grander and stronger than what it currently is.

I don’t want to hold back this time.

On being unconventional

I’ve said this before: Theadia is an unconventional hard-SF story. It’s not entirely about the spaceships or the combat or the high levels of tech intelligence. It’s more about the characters that are put into that world, whether they want to be there or not. I’ve also said this before as well: Theadia is about doing the right thing when no one else is bothering. But what it’s not is completely uber-serious or heavy on the military grimdark and the perils of deep space.

I love writing unconventional stories. They appeal to me and my mindset. I mean, come on: I’ve been listening to indie music since the mid 80s. My favorite stories are the ones that don’t go in the direction you expect. I’m a sucker for books and movies where you can tell the writers did their homework in weaving the plots in all sorts of unexpectedly creative ways. It only makes sense that my own writing leans the same way.

While I’ve been talking about how Theadia‘s sprawl is somewhat similar to the Mendaihu Universe, I’d say characterwise it’s more similar to the Meeks sisters in In My Blue World. There’s certainly a huge world out there (in this case a galaxy) but the story is mainly about these main characters I’m writing. I always love the idea of that dichotomy: a tight focus within a larger landscape. To me it gives the background life, and in the process our leads get to act or react accordingly to it.

I suppose this is partly why I’m still an indie author that’s self-publishing rather than going the pro route. I may have once had rose-tinted dreams about getting my novels released by a big name publisher, but the more I thought about it over the years, the more I realized that avenue felt more restrictive to my own creativity. I don’t know how to write commercial fiction, let alone genre fiction that would sell commercially, and I’m not sure if I’d be able to succeed if I managed to learn.

I just write what I enjoy the most, regardless as to whether it’s highly popular or not. And I’m quite happy with taking that unconventional route.

Into the new universe

So I’m all caught up with the Queen Ophelia’s War spot-check edits and playing around with cover art, which means…I can finally start work on Theadia! WOOOO!

I figured I’d wait out the end of the month just to get a breather and relax a bit (especially since the Day Job has been a bit busy as of late). Why not start fresh on a new week, new day, new month? No real reason other than what the hell, yeah? Besides, it was great to have a few days off from creativity so I could catch up with real life and other things, but it’s time to get started once again.

I’ve been thinking a lot about making my writing sessions a little more stable as well. Not that they’re bad now, but I just want be a bit more dedicated to it than I’ve been over the last few years. I’m pretty good at working on something daily, but I think I’ve let myself have more than a few Don’t Wanna days than I really should have. I also miss getting stuck deep in on big projects, and it’s been quite a long time since I’ve really allowed myself to do that. Especially with a completely new project that has nothing to do with the Mendaihu Universe.

There’s a big world there in the Theadia Universe. Let’s go see what happens in it.

Stuff to listen to…?

Not gonna lie, I’m totally looking forward to finding some new albums that could get some heavy rotation during my upcoming writing sessions for Theadia. Each project has had its own playlists and/or albums that become their de facto soundtrack, and I’m sure this one will be no different.

The only difference here, I think, is that I want these albums to have more staying power than the ones tied to my post-trilogy work. There are some records that will always be tied in with the trilogy (And You Think You Know What Life’s About, Sea Change, Fantastic Planet, and so on), and Diwa & Kaffi had The Sound of Arrows’ Stay Free, but that’s about it. I’m not trying to shoehorn any albums into this new project, mind you…I’m just wondering if there’s going to be any that will be as closely tied.

Which brings me to my wanting to pay a little more attention to the music I’ve been listening to. I’ve said previously that the last few years have felt more like I’d focused more on acquisition than connection, and I want to change that. And one of the ways to make that happen is to actively return to some of these albums. That’s what I did in the Belfry back in the day: I’d start off each session putting on a specific cd I wanted to hear to get myself in the mood. Sometimes it was a new release, other times it was an old classic. It really did depend (and still does) on the scene I was about to work on.

I have the music library, I just need to choose what I want to hear.

Getting away with it

In Theadia, our two main characters are computer nerds. However, I’m trying to avoid as much techspeak infodumping as I can. Can it be done?

That’s a good question. I mean, I’m basing their work background on my own experience at the Former Day Job — basically working behind the scenes as code checkers to make sure system are working the way they’re supposed to work, and to figure out solutions when they’re not. And believe you me, I did a LOT of that over the fourteen years I was there. And if I learned anything, it’s that there are indeed code geeks out there who are not savants but instead kinda sorta know what they’re doing and hope for the best. That is what the leads in my novel are about: they’re good at it, but it really is all held together with sticky tape and dreams most of the time.

This upcoming project is very much like that: you’re probably not going to see the stock characters of the introvert genius who saves the day, but you’ll definitely see the common citizen who’s hoping it doesn’t all go kerflooey at the worst possible moment. I like the idea that the world is not just imperfect, it’s messy as hell, and we’re all pretending that we have it under control. Theadia is about people who aren’t in charge, but do know what they’re doing. Sort of.

Getting back to the question, I do in fact have a few techspeak infodumping scenes, but they’re not the kind you’re expecting. Again, I based it on my own experience: the most common reason for system failure at my FDJ was either someone making a really stupid mistake upstream (or just plain not knowing what they’re doing), or someone forgetting that what works on the shiny and clean test platform will trip up in the messy and chaotic live platform. I have a few scenes not just explaining this, but having my two mains exploit it. The trick isn’t so much hacking in, it’s not getting caught. And if you know how and where to go…

Travel

[Image courtesy of aas587 on Dribbble]

I’ve noticed that several of my stories contain travel in one way or another, many of them to alternate realities and different galaxies and universes. It’s something I’d been fascinated by since I started the Mendaihu Universe back in the day. Sometimes the travel is metaphysical: the ‘stepping into Light’ of the trilogy is essentially the inversion of astral travel. Sometimes it’s magical, like the weave in In My Blue World, where special blades cut the lattice between universes and create a temporary connection. And in Queen Ophelia’s War, it’s good old fashioned fantasy magic powers weaving a connection between established portals. [You could say even Diwa & Kaffi focuses on travel, considering tintrite flight is a major theme.]

As for Theadia…? Well, I’m finally going for the gold and using the time-honored hard-sf subspace portal. And this time it’s not just a useful function within the story, it’s an important part of the story in and of itself: part of the conflict does indeed involve travel infrastructure! Because I AM A HUGE NERD. [Well, obviously it’s a lot more than that but I’m trying not to give too much away.] I’ll admit that I’m not going too deep into the physics and the theoreticals of space travel, because that way lies madness. I’m just going deep enough to make it believable, complete with red tape, mismanagement and all that ugly bureaucratic nonsense.

All I’ll say is this: when your giant and well-loved station uses a popular and heavily used subspace gate hub, orbits around its own cozy little ball of dirt that didn’t need terraforming and is a beloved tourist destination, and is celebrating its fiftieth year of independence from its former owners who still aren’t too happy about that, there’s going to be a lot of moving parts that are going to need people who know what they’re doing. Especially when said former owners have been thinking about taking it back by force.

Prep Work

(Image courtesy of Starship Operators, a fun and unique anime I recommend.)

Whenever I have a spare moment and I’m not focusing on the final preparation of Queen Ophelia’s War, I’ve been preparing for my eventual restart/rewrite of Theadia. Why am I doing this when I have most of the original version written, you ask? Good question, that.

The easy answer is that I’m doing it the same way I wrote the Bridgetown Trilogy. Whatever is about to unfold in this restart/rewrite won’t be exactly the same as that version, just as the trilogy takes what I’d started in The Phoenix Effect and pushed it in a different and much better direction.

The more convoluted answer is that I’ve chosen to expand on several plot points, characters and situations that I’d laid out in the original Theadia. I’ve been finding moments during lulls in my work shift, just like back in the day, to write down my thoughts on how to do this. Certain secondary characters will have a much deeper and richer background and even their own plot lines. While it will still focus on the two main characters — after all, they are not just the instigators of the story but what drives the rest of the main cast — I want to know more about the rest of this universe.

Thus, I’m doing what I did with the trilogy: I’m doing a world building deep dive. Something I haven’t done for quite a number of years. It makes sense for me to do this, considering this is a subgenre I don’t have nearly as much experience writing. [It’s not that I’m a ‘never say no’ writer…I’m more of the ‘I wonder if I could pull this off, let’s try it’ kind.] And if I’m going to do it justice, I want to do my homework.

The current version does work…but there are worrying moments of Handwavium and This Happens Offscreen, and I’d rather not go that route. The best way to fix this, in my experience, is to do that deep dive. I’ll do a bit of research, sure, but I also want this story as believable as possible without getting lost in super-heavy hard-sf techspeak. While it exists, that’s not what the story is about; the project’s focus has always been about the people behind the tech, both the ones who create it and the ones who use it, who may not exactly understand all of it but might at least understand how it works to some degree. [I’ve often joked that this project is my anti-Cory Doctorow story, in which I try to avoid techspeak infodumps as much as I can and still get away with it.]

Will I pull it off? Well, I won’t know until I write it, will I?

Coming close to the end

As of this week I am revising the most climactic scene in Act III of Queen Ophelia’s War, which means that one, I am coming close to the end of the book, and two, that I am on schedule to get this thing out into the world by late spring! Woohoo!

Finishing this one does feel a bit like how I felt when I finished Diwa & Kaffi…a sense of satisfied completion mixed with an eagerness to move ahead with the next project. In a way, QOW is a very personal book in that I’d written it during the pandemic and post-leaving the Former Day Job, but there’s also the fact that one of its themes is about the willingness to completely change one’s life, and how far one might go to achieve it. I kind of feel like this is my way of signing off many parts of my old life and embracing where I am now. I’m ready to move on to the next chapter now.

This is also one of the last standalones I’ll be working on for a while, and that’s something new to deal with as well. I’m eager, almost impatiently so, to jump back into an extensive created world again, this time with Theadia. I’m ready to move on to that style once again, to the point that I’ve been preparing myself for it over the last month or so.

We’ll see where this new universe takes me…!

Days away from social media

(Art source unknown, but borrowed from this Medium article)

It’s been a little less than two months since I closed down my Twitter feed, and I can’t say I’ve missed it all that much. Sure, I still pop in from time to time for a minute or so, just to ensure I don’t lose access and to check in on those I follow who aren’t online elsewhere, but other than that, I stay well away.

I’m still on Bluesky and Threads, but even then I don’t stay for too long. Again, maybe for a minute or so. I spend more time with my east coast friends on our shared Discord, to be honest. My Instagram these days are mostly pictures of our cats Jules and Cali. Weirdly enough, the most time I’ll spend on social media is to watch some lawn care reels on Facebook, because they’re a lot of fun and surprisingly calming to watch.

That was the whole point of this detox, really…it wasn’t to take a vacation away from social media but to recalibrate my brain so I’m no longer beholden to it. I still feel like I could better use my time during breaks at work, but I’m not really beating myself up over it. I feel less stressed out, for starters. I feel less inclined to give into a daily rage about whatever nonsense is going on in the world. I’ve found a healthier social balance and I’ve decided I’m going to stay there for a while.

Does this give me more time for writing? Sure! I’ve been doing a lot of world building work for Theadia during breaks and slow times at work. I can get through a good chunk of revision work on Queen Ophelia’s War on a daily basis. I can zip through my daily 750Words. All this, and still have a bit of time left over to relax with non-creative fun things! Time management for the win!

Getting there

Unfortunately I’m at the ‘Oh god this sucks why did I even write this drivel’ point in Queen Ophelia’s War, and I’m doing my best to ignore those lingering doubts. I know the reasons why I’m feeling that way, and it’s not because it is drivel…it’s because I’m twitching to get that rewrite of Theadia started. I just want to quit this project and jump into the next one.

So basically I’m tempering myself with a bit of patience and stubborn will to get this novel done first before I dedicate the bulk of my time to that one. [There’s also the fact that I really want to write the romcom as well, but I’ll get to that one soon enough. There’s less impatience felt in getting that one started.] Besides, I’m into Act III now, which means that I’m right on schedule and should hopefully be done by the end of the month.

I always seem to hit this point when I reach the final third of my projects, to be honest. I just want it done! And I’m quite sure there are other writers who feel the same way. All I need to do is see it through to the end and release it out into the world when I’m done.

I’m getting there…I just need to be patient.